I’m Counting on No One Reading Blogs on the Weekend

by Marinka on May 29, 2010

I want to know what the candy makers are smoking.

Because when I was a kid–we had candy that came in one size: Normal. You went to a store, got a Snickers bar and you didn’t have to worry that it was anything other than a Normal-sized American candy bar.

Then, somewhere along the line, things changed.

We met the Fun-size candy bar. I’m not sure what was so fun about it, since it was just another word for small, but Ellen Degeneres made an excellent joke about some penis being “fun-sized”, so it was totally worth while. And yes, I have no idea why Ellen Degeneres was making that joke, but it was funny, so I didn’t question it.

Then things started to get insane.

Suddenly there was King-size, for people who liked to shop for their mattresses and candy simultaneously. And M&Ms came out with a “shareable” bag. Which is a huge scam, because it’s just a slightly bigger bag, but not as big as King, and because it doesn’t come with a calculator to keep track of the sharing process, I think it should just be re-named The Friendship Ender. I’m no fool, I can see the writing on the wall.

Of course there’s also the mini size, which many people get for Halloween. Especially in the recession.

But this week really topped it all.

Because I saw this in a local store.

Hi, we're Midgees! Eat Us!


Like midgets.

Which is crazy, because everyone knows that little person is the politically acceptable term. Or why not try vertically challenged? Sure, it may not be as snappy on the package, but sometimes doing the right thing isn’t as fun.

Makes you long for the good old days of the Normal American-candy bar, doesn’t it?

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

foradifferentkindofgirl May 29, 2010 at 4:53 pm

It’s like the candy manufacturer is also trying to seduce us by declaring gleefully that we’ll get 15% more for free by buying that bag. I’m no sucker (though I do like suckers), because I know that, in the end, size always matters. It does.

It just does.

(also, I don’t normally read blogs on weekends, but I’m hiding out while my kids are bickering about what summer camps they don’t want to attend. This has put me in a gleeful mood for the end of the school year on Friday.)


Miss Britt
May 29, 2010 at 5:48 pm

I’m going to start calling myself a Midgee.

Thanks, Tootsie Roll, for the inspiration.


May 29, 2010 at 7:16 pm

I like the 15% MORE FREE!


Kate Coveny Hood
May 29, 2010 at 7:17 pm

Why does adding “ee” at the end of a word make it cute. Just like adding an extra consonant plus “e” at the end of a word (like Shoppe) makes it sound old fashioned. Maybe they could get really fancy and start calling the “old world” normal sized candy bars “funne.” Or “funnee” if they’re a mini size. Sorry – I can’t do any better. I will enter the no blogging weekend now…


Diapers and Wine May 29, 2010 at 8:47 pm

Why would you need a smaller Tootsie Roll, anyway?? So you can find MORE of them between the couch cushions 8 months after Halloween?


(Popped over from the Blogher sidebar. Love your blog!)


May 29, 2010 at 8:58 pm

No matter how much I exercise, I can’t seem to get myself down to midgee size. I find this discouraging. Perhaps I need to get myself one of those Miss America type sashes and label myself “Funne Size”?


Margaret (Nanny Goats)
May 29, 2010 at 10:40 pm

I realize that Neilochka may have beaten me to the punch here, but isn’t “Midgees” and “15% More Free” an oxymoron of some sort?

P.S. I accidentally made a typo but I was able to fix it before hitting Submit, but not before a brilliant idea came to me that if there isn’t already there should be a blogger named “The Midgess”.


dusty earth mother May 29, 2010 at 11:50 pm

I am chortling right now. Oh man, you are too funny. Midgees. I’m going to wake up tomorrow, still laughing. Thanks for that.


Sophie May 30, 2010 at 1:45 am

Yes, I do, in fact. I do read blogs on weekends (only Sunday here is already a working day, so I can sit quietly and read), and, why, YES, I do miss normal sized candy bars. Right now. With my weekend reading.

I should really go have breakfast now.


Ann's Rants May 30, 2010 at 10:20 am

They just renamed King-sized “Diabetes”


the mama bird diaries
May 30, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Of course, i hate when i eat a candy bar, thinking it couldn’t be more than 300 calories but then it turns out to be 3 servings which is like 900 calories.


fuck yeah, motherhood!
May 30, 2010 at 10:16 pm

So, it’s okay to call little people “midgees” because I’m gonna, based on your advice.

Thanks, Marinka. Without you, I’d be totally socially awkward!


May 31, 2010 at 10:27 am

Thanks for the laugh this morning. It is all hype to raise prices and give you less.


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: