by Marinka on January 29, 2014

The other day I was thinking about how lucky I am.

I was thinking this because I was looking in the mirror and my hair was so blonde, so bouncy, so perfectly Breck girl, that I felt sorry for atheists. Because here was proof of the divine wonders and they were just too stubborn to see it. What is in their hearts, I wondered. When would they open their eyes and let the Lord in? In to their hearts, which I guess would also need to be open, much like the previously mentioned eyes.

Anyway, my hair looked great. Good Hair Day didn’t quite do it justice, it was more like a Perfect Hair Day in the First Degree. I marveled at my reflection in the mirror, tossed a strand or two back and laughed. Life was good. So very, very good.

A few hours later, I met one of my progeny at the salon for a hair check. For some reason, this progeny suspected lice. And the reason was visual.

“I am sure it is a false alarm,” I tossed my hair back and settled in to read my Kindle. I was reading Of Mice and Men and couldn’t wait to learn more about Lennie’s adventures! It seemed like he was destined for some excitement! I was glued to my Kindle. Glued, I tell you!

“We have a live one!” the hair check specialist checking my kid’s hair exclaimed. And then said something technical, like “Code Lice.”

“Oh?” I looked up from my Kindle. Lennie is so strong, a real Depression Era Marlboro Man! I saw a real future for us.

The lice checking lady nodded. “Do you want us to check you?”

I laughed. “Me? Why would you want to check me?”

I asked, but I sort of knew. My hair, being so bouncy and beautiful, drew admirers from far and wide. I was a little stunned that Lennie didn’t reach for it through the Kindle and barriers of fiction.

“To see if you have lice,” was the official story.

“That will not be necessary,” I reassured them. I mean, I get it. When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail. But come on. I am practically a hair model, I think I would know through hair intuition if I had lice.

Besides, when they do the lice check they put all this cream in your hair and ugh. It’s impossible for hair to be bouncy and lovely with it.

“We can do a dry check,” the lady said and I agreed. I’m a giver.

“Yeah, you have lice,” she said after looking for 3.9 seconds.

“I don’t know how you could possibly have made an identification so quickly,” I filed a complaint. “Shouldn’t there be some sort of a DNA analysis and lawyers involved?”

But she started to spread the cream all over my head. And I sat there for hours while she combed out the lice, the nits, and the memories of my perfect bouncy hair.

At least I still had Lennie. I can’t wait to see how that turns out!

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

January 29, 2014 at 8:06 am

Ugh! I am so sorry. I think it must have been our Old Testament God smiting you for daring to be vain about your hair. You should have spit over your shoulder after you looked in the mirror, I”m thinking.


January 29, 2014 at 8:06 am

Also, how lucky are you that you get to go to somewhere that does all this nit-picking for you? Here in the suburbs, we have to do it all ourselves, like prairie women or something…


Suebob January 29, 2014 at 9:40 am

Yep, definitely Old Testament God. He’s so badass he doesn’t even care if you’re an atheist – he just smites you anyway. Looks like you got a plague-type smiting. Classic. Take an umbrella in case a rain of frogs is on the way.


Susan Weinstein January 29, 2014 at 10:07 am

Oh, my infinite sympathy on this one. But better than bedbugs. You can shampoo lice out. The other is reeling from chemicals for 6 months or more and then..
So you see, there is always something worse! Doesn’t that make you feel better?


January 29, 2014 at 10:24 am

No. With bedbugs, there is always arson. But you can’t set your own hair on fire.


KarenN January 30, 2014 at 12:18 am

No, but you *can* shave your hair off. Which is what I was prepared to do when my kids had lice 15 years ago. And we apparently didn’t comb out quite all of the dead nits the first time, so they sent them home from school for a second day. UGH! Fifteen years and I still have nightmares.

P.S. Marinka, please tell me you did not have lice when we met for wine and cheese last week…..your hair was looking particularly perfect and bouncy that day as well. 🙂


K-Line January 29, 2014 at 12:11 pm

What with my kid having had this 5 times, this is the reason I have a pixie cut. Replete with stripping hair dye. BTW, NYC is so cutting edge. We don’t have salons the pick the nits in TO. We do have the Lice Squad, however. They come to your house and charge a fortune – all worth it.


barbara sigelbaum
January 29, 2014 at 12:28 pm

I have a feeling you look great with hair back. Laundry should be completed by Purim/Easter. Word to the wise…recheck.


Kelly January 30, 2014 at 3:52 pm

and recheck and treat again and recheck and treat again and recheck. The rechecking and retreating can not be stressed enough. Unless you want to live with those suckers a lifetime.


Jennifer Weedon (@Slummy_Mummy) January 29, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Oh no! I know how it feels to have a good hair day only once a millenia. Hope you get one again soon.


Laurie January 29, 2014 at 4:35 pm

Oh yes, I know that humilation all too well. I didn’t find out I had them on a good hair day though. That would have truly been insult to injury.


Gdot January 30, 2014 at 7:30 am

Breck girl???!!
You made the mistake of referencing the 70’s. you were punished for showing your age. Watch out.
Leprosy could be next.


Mama bird diaries
January 30, 2014 at 8:50 am

Ugh. Evil lice. You will be rewarded for your pain and suffering. I’ve never seen your hair not look good!!


Nancy Davis Kho
January 30, 2014 at 10:36 am

On top of everything else? Good lord.

You know they say that lice hate clean hair. Lay off the Breck.


Steph January 30, 2014 at 10:54 am

Oh boy, my head itches now. Is it sad that I was thrilled that there is now a lice salon close to my neighborhood in Austin?! If my childless self had known what I was in for . . .
Final question: How is Marinka so consistently hilarious?


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 30, 2014 at 2:42 pm

Do not blame the poor lice for wanting to be so close to your perfect blonde tresses. You only get those kind of opportunities once in a lifetime and I think the lifespan of the average lice must be rather short…


tracy@sellabitmum February 1, 2014 at 1:59 pm

Oh god, I’m so sorry. Been there. I mean I’ve never had great hair, but I’ve had lice.


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