Mystery Diagnosis

by Marinka on July 17, 2012

Earlier this year I realized that I had trouble seeing. Not the big picture, but the fine print.

Obviously I assumed that I was at the beginning stages of an advanced fatal illness. My vision was going, who knows what would be next?

I called Mama to say my good byes, and she, being unable to face the demise of her only child, fell deep into denial.

“Maybe you just need new glasses,” she suggested.

It’s heartbreaking how some people will cling to any hope.

“New glasses,” I chuckled in a completely mirthless way. “Shopping does not heal all wounds, Mama.”

But apparently Mama thought I may need to get my eyes checked. Which is ridiculous because it had only been a few years since I got my current glasses prescription. So how does it make sense that the prescription would change already, I’d like to know.

Whatever.

I went to an eyeologist to get checked. And sure enough, she said that my prescription changed. And apparently it’s “not uncommon for eyesight to change.” As you’ve probably realized by now, since my eye sight was waning, my other senses became super strong, and what I smelled was a scam.

A scam that involved the eye doctor and the glasses industry, I believe that’s called a conspiracy in the first degree.

But I took the prescription and I filled it. And because I don’t have a vision plan, I paid $300. And then I never went to pick up the eyeglasses.

Let me explain: The Lenscrafters is literally across the street from where I live. I pass by it all the time. But in the five months since I’ve gotten the prescription filled and paid for it, I have not been back.

Why?

What is wrong with me?

And is there any hope?

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Alexandra July 17, 2012 at 8:28 am

I can’t discuss this subject.

Too close to home.

Signed,

shouldn’t be driving

Reply

Becky
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 8:48 am

Just wait until they tell you bifocals are necessary. They will add on another $300 so you can have the invisible bifocals and retain your dignity.

Reply

Lorette Lavine
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 8:57 am

How about contact lenses …you can graduate to bifocals when you need them. I relate…hate glasses! Threw out my bifocal glasses after only a couple of wearings…and that was about 15 years ago.

Reply

Lorette Lavine
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 8:58 am

Love your post.

Reply

suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 9:45 am

As my eyeologist explained to me, in our forties everything in the back of the eye doesn’t hold together as well as it used to. In other words, along with the rest of our bodies, our eye innards are sagging.

It’s just not fair.

Reply

tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 10:34 am

Dear Fellow Elderly Blogger,

I think I’ll make cute little chains that we can all wear to hold our reading glasses around our necks. Then we can almost be like fashion bloggers, right?

Love,
Thank god I’m at least a year younger than you

Reply

Nelly
Twitter:
July 18, 2012 at 7:38 pm

I smell an Etsy business brewing…

Reply

Megan July 17, 2012 at 10:54 am

You paid $300 and never picked them up? Does anybody have any oxygen?

Reply

dusty earth mother July 17, 2012 at 5:33 pm

You’re obviously deeply in denial.
Signed,
The woman with a mammogram prescription and a bone scan prescription sitting in her purse. For eight months.

Reply

Cy
Twitter:
July 19, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Colonoscopy scrip and…hmm…something else I can’t remember ovah here! Husband moved them while we were doing the 10 minute warning cleaning and damned if I can find them. Not that I’ve looked super-hard.

But seriously, $300? And you haven’t picked ’em up? Have they called you a million times? Can I have them? ‘Cause mine aren’t working so well anymore. (Might be broken.)

Reply

Peajaye
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I have bad news. This is only Phase I. Phase II will include (but not be limited to): keeping your “good pair” in your purse, while having a set of drug store glasses in the office, dacha, and every room in your apartment. Phase III will begin with you convincing yourself that you need to spend at least $500 on your next pair because it’s a “fashion accessory” and a “literary necessary.” Phase IV sometimes starts with large print books and/or audio books, but I think you have some time before you get there.

Reply

Nelly
Twitter:
July 18, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Don’t forget the as-seen-on-tv phone with huge numbers! You’ll surely need that.

Reply

Rima
Twitter:
July 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm

My husband will gladly take those glasses off your hands. He keeps trying to fail his eye exams so he could snag a pair. He needs them to look more mature, so his patients would respect him.

Reply

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes July 18, 2012 at 7:32 am

Two words : contact lenses.
Best decision I ever made (aside from marrying my husband, having kids,yakity yakity yak…)

Reply

Mexmom July 18, 2012 at 11:45 am

I had contact lenses, but got tired of those, the cleaning everyday, and the thing where you can’t sleep with them, etc…
So I had Lasik surgery, and it is the greatest thing to be able to see again no glasses or lenses needed.

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
July 18, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Wait, what?! Why aren’t you picking it up? I’m sorry you have old lady eyes but the rest of you is magnificent!

Reply

Carinn @welcometothemotherhood
Twitter:
July 20, 2012 at 10:43 am

I can’t wait until my eye sight goes so I don’t have to look at these awful teeny flaps of skin where my huge perky breasts used to be.

Reply

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