Naked

by Marinka on February 23, 2011

I pick up Young Ladrinka at a friend’s house, and we start heading home.  We’re walking through the West Village and he doesn’t even notice that he’s holding my hand, I tricked him, because I didn’t bring my gloves and told him that I needed to hold his glove for warmth. It’s not my fault that his hand is inside the glove.

It’s not often that this works.  He wants to do things on his own, go to school by himself, take the elevator alone, so the hand holding is huge.  One to remember forever. And for the blog.

And then I tell him that we have to stop by the store and he groans.

“I’m cold,” he says and makes a shuddery motion. Which is eerily similar to the electrocuted motion.

“You’re cold because you need a scarf,” I counsel.

“I’m cold because it’s cold outside,” he looks at me like I’m a moron.

“Yes, but the weather isn’t going to change,” I play my trump card. “But you can put on a scarf.”

“Well my neck isn’t even cold!” he tells me.  “My legs are cold!”

“Aha!” I proclaim victory.  “You need legwarmers!”  Because that blogger who let her son wear a Daphne costume on Halloween has nothing on me, apparently.

“What? I just need to go home instead of the store,” he says.

“No,” I protest, because now I am goal-oriented.  “You  need to wear something furry, like Nicki.”  Nicki is our cat.

“Nicki doesn’t wear anything,” he tells me.

“Are you saying that she’s naked?” I am mock-shocked.

“Yes, she is.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you can see her butt and her thing,” he laughs.

“What’s her thing?”

“You know… I don’t want to say it.”

“Her penis?” I try.

“She’s a girl, she doesn’t have a penis,” he tells me.

“You mean her vagina?” I am suddenly a feline gynecologist.

He nods.

“You can’t see her vagina,” I tell him.  I am completely traumatized by the thought of  cat vaginas.

“Yes! When she’s stretching. You can see it.”

“Well if she wore legwarmers you wouldn’t see it.”

“I don’t think you know how legwarmers work, mom,” he says.

One year ago ...

0saves
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimberly February 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

See, if she had a penis she could totally wear a leg warmer. Leg warmers.

Reply

Steph February 24, 2011 at 12:31 am

heh hee hee.

Reply

alexandra
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Oh, the trauma…the trauma to your children. To think, that they think, that their mom doesn’t know how legwarmers work.

You are something…

Reply

Peajaye
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Bad news: while mother-son hand-holding in conjunction with talk of leg warmers and cat vaginas are all very admirable attempts to turn your son gay, I’m fairly certain it won’t work. From the videos I’ve seen and they stories you’ve told, it’s painfully obvious that Young Ladrinka is heterosexual.

I know that probably means a future-evil-daughter-in-lawinka, who will most likely plot to keep him away from you. But it is something you should just learn to accept, and love your son for who he is.

Reply

OHmommy
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm

I just came back from 2nd grade lunch/recess duty where I managed a couple of kisses in front of my sons’ classmates. Pretty sure this isn’t gonna fly next year in the third grade.

Reply

Heather February 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I see your cat vagina and raise you one. Today I had a discussion with my son about when it’s appropriate to say “pussy” and when it’s not.

Reply

Alexandria
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm

eww yeah i shuddered at the thought of cat vagina too. gross.

Reply

anna see February 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm

My legwarmers provide ample vagina coverage. Am I wearing them incorrectly?

Reply

Brittany at Mommy Words
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 8:04 pm

I have never ever thought of a Cat’s vagina until now…and I find myself totally repulsed and laughing hysterically. The arguments over the weather and the wearing of warm items is ongoing here but my kids are not yet old ennough to raise the debate stakes like that. Bravo. I will be careful the next time I am tempted to become a gynecologist in conversation.

Reply

Scary Mommy
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 9:58 pm

I just Googled cat’s vagina out of curiosity. The results were not pretty. I’m scarred.

I blame you for turning me into that freak who Googles perverted phrases. Thanks.

Reply

Kristine
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 10:13 pm

“Don’t make me say it.” That is adorable. Probably nothing he wants to hear, but I have no control over these things.

Also, I googled “leg warmers for men” which makes me infinitely less perverted than Scary Mommy, but probably also infinitely lamer.

Reply

dusty earth mother February 23, 2011 at 10:47 pm

I think I’m supposed to see you at an event next week. If you, even once, say “cat vagina”, I will run screaming out into the night.

Reply

stephanie smirnov
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Is a cat vagina the same as a cat anus? I’ve lived with cats all my life but never thought to ask.

Reply

Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole
Twitter:
February 23, 2011 at 11:49 pm

I wish I hadn’t read this right before bed…I will be cursing you if I have psycho dreams about cat va-jay-jays!

Reply

annie February 24, 2011 at 10:46 am

hey if i can say clitoris, you can handle cat vaginas.

Reply

The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
February 24, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Totally laughing. Wow. I’m just picturing Nicki wearing leg warmers and a little paper dress that opens at the back at the feline gyno. Thank you.

On the plus side, Young Ladrinka is schooled in the art of leg warmers. He totally saw Black Swan with you, didn’t he?

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: