Optimist

by Marinka on February 21, 2011

I’m not a natural optimist, so I’m having a hard time understanding why, when I stepped on something on my way back from picking up Starbucks the other morning, did I lift up my foot, look at the bottom of my shoe and say to myself, “Oh! A brownie!”?

And why, half an hour later, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing every surface in my apartment, while the Starbucks cooled to arctic, because apparently I like to come home and put up my feet wherever possible, like some kind of a demented contortionist.

It’s real mystery, I tell you.

But not as big a mystery as why I decided to relate this story to my Mama, who said “this has nothing to do with optimist. This has to do with moron. How many times have you seen brownie on street? You don’t live in Candyland. What you step in is shit, not brownie. Always shit. And why you don’t take off shoes and put on tapochki [slippers] when you come in. I don’t understand you. Brownie! Ridiculous. What are you, twelve? Even Young Ladrinka knows better.”

The shame.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow! Maybe I’ll step in some fudge!

One year ago ...

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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Donna February 21, 2011 at 12:56 am

Oooh, fudge! That would be so fun!

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Noelle February 21, 2011 at 1:00 am

I totally want to be adopted into your family.

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Jennifer
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 1:10 am

“You don’t live in Candyland. ” Oh my god, I’m laughing. And now I’m tossing out the chocolate cupcakes I made this weekend. Or I would, if they weren’t for my kid’s birthday.

What am I saying? Of course I would never throw away chocolate cupcakes.

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Maravonda February 21, 2011 at 2:22 am

Yeah, Marinka…maybe I’m just old…definitely not a brownie….but hey! I think it’s great that you are an optimist!

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stephanie smirnov
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 5:42 am

This shows you how Russian I’ve become by osmosis–my first thought about the brownie was man, I hope she puts her topichki on as soon as she gets home.

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tracey February 21, 2011 at 6:42 am

Ohhh!! Holy shit! What a great way to wake up. For me, not you. The poo all over your carpeting would suck, yes, but I just adore your mother.

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tracy
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 7:00 am

As long as you don’t taste it, you should be good.

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Nona
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 7:48 am

“You don’t live in Candyland,” made me spit coffee on my phone.

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hokgardner
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 8:23 am

I beg to differ with Mama. Based on my understanding of kids Ladrinka’s age. He would have never even noticed that he’d stepped in something and when the footprints are pointed out to him would say, “I don’t know where those came from.”

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Peajaye
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 9:15 am

Of course you thought it was a brownie. You don’t live in Paris. Who doesn’t clean after their dog anymore in NYC? Or are people shitting on the streets again? And if they are, what do they think it is, 1989?

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MommyTime
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 9:49 am

You are obviously not a baker. Or one of those fancy schmancy sniffer-people who determine what ingredients go into perfumes. Or a wine connoisseur (“do I detect a note of blackberry?”). What I’m saying is: even your vehemently optimistic self couldn’t excuse the odor of those pathetic excuses for brownies.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) February 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

I love the way your mom talks to you…i’m sure it was a brownie. I dropped one when i lived there in 1985. Where were you? I’m sure it was the same brownie…and BTW, who the hell takes off their shoes? THen you have to pick them up?

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Awesome dude February 21, 2011 at 10:59 am

Shit is such shallow word in English. In Russian it is so much expressive.

May because after 1917 the country had nothing but that.

There was a ritual of the Russian bank robbers to leave excrement as their calling card on the floor of the safe they broke into.

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Awesome dude February 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

Shit is such shallow word in English. In Russian it is so much expressive.

May be because after 1917 the country had nothing but that.

There was a ritual of the Russian bank robbers to leave excrement as their calling card on the floor of the safe they broke into.

Reply

empress bee (of the high sea) February 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

well if you’re SURE it wasn’t a brownie…

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoox

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b a seagull
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 12:28 pm

so much better than stepping on a brownie and thinking, “yuch, i stepped in shit again.”

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Alexandria
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

i’m just wondering why you would be excited you stepped in a brownie ON THE STREET. you didn’t plan on eating it did you?

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm

“You don’t live in Candyland.” is killing me. I would seriously buy a t-shirt with this on it to help your tapochki fund.

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Jane February 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Oh lord I am in tears……….

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alexandra
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 6:14 pm

What a great adage:

think of it: on T shirts, as blogger taglines, as…as…as a new way of saying “Are you a brownie or a shit kind of person” and “she sees it as a sidewalk full of brownies and not a sidewalk full of shit.” or “she’s a kind of sees a brownie vs sees a shit kind of girl.”

I love it.

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Steph February 21, 2011 at 9:08 pm

you have to do one of those things called “%@#!” my mama says. it would be awesome. sorry Wendi, I understand you may not like that:)

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Tonya
Twitter:
February 21, 2011 at 10:33 pm

I believe you’re an optimist with a healthy dose of skepticism since you did not eat the brownie! Or, rather, you are not admitting to eating the brownie.

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dusty earth mother February 21, 2011 at 11:06 pm

“You don’t live in Candyland” is Mama’s best line yet. On the other hand, would Young Ladrinka really know better? Doesn’t he have a cup of chewed gum by his bed?

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Kim
Twitter:
February 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

I just found you via Mom101 on Twitter, who sent us to your Black Swan review. And I think I love you.

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
February 22, 2011 at 10:08 am

I think there is a bit of the optimist in you, Marinka, and you’d better have it removed entirely. Because let’s say you DID step in brownies or fudge, what then? Would you use a toothpick to remove the contents and then go to Central Park and feed the squirrels? I’m not saying it’s not okay to dream though. Let me know when you step on a safely packaged twinkie and we’ll talk.

Reply

Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.
Twitter:
February 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm

Tears. I am in tears. I love your mother.

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joeinvegas February 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Um, fudge, yea, you can call it fudge next time. And in the big city there will always be a next time.

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Lady Jennie February 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm

This just simply made me laugh.

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Sophie@Fabrications February 25, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I miss you. Terribly. Just so you should know, it’s past 11pm, the baby is asleep and I’m catching up on your posts instead of getting a little sleep before she wakes up to feed (the horror! the Horror!!!) again.

Reply

Ester Jean November 30, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Oh my god, after finally reading all of the archives on Mouthy Housewives, I picked my favorite adviser there (that’s YOU!) and checked out her blog. I have since been so hooked, I’m going through the archives while I am restless in bed at night, next to my sleeping husband. Last night was the first night I put down the phone before it died from my browsing, and only because I laughed too many times too hard and I woke up my husband more than once. SO. I just wanted to say thank you for all the laughs. Thank you for the serious posts (it was the “Lines” Thanksgiving/Black Friday post that was the first I read and which hooked me in…). Thank you for sharing your life and your humor with us 🙂

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Ester Jean November 30, 2011 at 10:18 pm

“Her blog” – “YOUR blog…” whatever… we know where I’m at, right?

Reply

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