Remember When Husbandrinka Lost His Wedding Ring?

by Marinka on June 7, 2012

So he lost his wedding ring when it flew off his finger because he lost so much weight and then he got another one and then recently as he was packing for a business trip, he reached into a folder to grab some papers and OMFG, his original wedding band was there.

And then he turns to me and asks me if I’d placed it there.

Yes, I did.

I grabbed his wedding band in January, watched as he plunked down $700 for another one, then waited four more months and then one day decided to show give his original ring back to him.

I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe in that kind of deferred gratification.

We were super happy that he found his Wedding Ring 1.0, except now he has 2 rings and one wife, so the ratio is off.

We are not sure what to do.

Husbandrinka is thinking that he should return the second wedding ring, but it is the one that fits better.

So if he returns Wedding Ring 2.0, he will need to get the Wedding Ring 1.0 re-sized. There’s the possibility of returning the first one, but Mama said that it was a Very Bad Sign.

Instead Mama suggested that he wear WR 2.0 and keep WR 1.0 in case he ever re-gains the weight and then the first one will fit again.

And then Peajaye suggested that we hoard all the gold in case of the Apocalypse so that we can survive for a few more weeks. But I don’t know, the Apocalypse doesn’t sound like something that I’d like to survive. Besides, I’m worried that it would feed into the anti-semitic gold-hoarding stereotypes.

Husbandrinka suggested that he take a second wife to solve the wedding band surplus, which makes a lot of sense, but I have a feeling it’s one of those quick-fix solutions that I’d come to regret even if I can’t exactly put my ringed finger on why.

What do you think? Which ring should he wear? What should he do with the other one? Do you want to be his second wife? (It has to be celestial, obviously, so this is not some sort of a freaky second wife contest or anything).



Check out my fun new post at Babble about things you should not say to a mom of a picky eater and my proposed responses to the fuckers who do anyway.

One year ago ...

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

P.K. June 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

The solution seems obvious to me: You must immediately even things out by buying yourself a new piece of jewelry.


June 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

He should wear 2.0 until he’s at goal weight, then he should resize 1.0, sell 2.0 and use the money to hire a maid, which is a what we all really want when we consider the possibility of a sister wife.


Megan June 7, 2012 at 10:23 am

OMG, it is, isn’t it?


Megan June 7, 2012 at 10:24 am

I recently put my original wedding ring away because the style didn’t suit me anymore and redesigning it was more money than I cared to spend. I keep the old one to give to my son when he gets married.

The money’s already been spent, so keep the old one and wear 2.0.


Crystal June 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

You should take his ring and your wedding rings and melt the gold and redesign you wedding/engagement rings so you have wr2.0 too!!! A friends mom redesigns her rings every 5 years – keeps the marriage fresh apparently!!


Slow Panic
June 7, 2012 at 5:17 pm

obviously he needs to go to sell 1.0 and put the money towards a gorgeous new piece of jewelry for you.


June 7, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I think that what you’re not seeing here is that you have TWO husband rings, so YOU get to choose a supplementary husband. Maybe one to do the housework and fetch you things.


the mama bird diaries
June 7, 2012 at 10:34 pm

He should wear 2.0. Which he will eventually lose. And then he can go back to his original one.

Or the second wife thing works too.


Cheri June 8, 2012 at 12:03 am

Seems to me that if he now has two male size and styled wedding bands that you should actually be allowed to pick a Brother Husband to use as you see fit. Doesn’t have to mean more sex BUT depending on the attributes of BH it could. Or he could be your personal servant, really the possibilities are endless.


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes June 8, 2012 at 7:03 am

I’m highly tempted to become your sister wife, but one husband is already enough of a pain in the derriere.


Alexandra June 8, 2012 at 9:15 am

“Besides, I’m worried that it would feed into the anti-semitic gold-hoarding stereotypes.”

BEST thing I’m going to read today … now, I have to find a way to work this into my conversations somehow.

Thanks for the yogurt spitting moment. I love doing that first thing in the morning.


Hope June 8, 2012 at 9:19 am

I agree with the mamma bird diaries. Now he can lose 2.0, not tell you he’s lost it, get 1.0 resized, and you’ll never be the wiser. However, I suspect your mother would know. Somehow.


Carinn @welcometothemotherhood
June 8, 2012 at 10:22 am

Maybe he should pierce his ear and grow the hole large enough to hold his wedding ring. You know, like they do in certain African tribes? That way it will always be on display as it should be.


June 8, 2012 at 11:48 am

Your mother is correct on this one. Keep the first one for future weight gain. Or if he gets a second wife, you clearly need a second husband. You should hold auditions for that and accept resumes through your blog. I would like to be on the advisory board as an advocate of two husbands.


deb June 8, 2012 at 5:04 pm

perhaps a nose ring?


anymommy June 9, 2012 at 12:09 am

I can’t focus on the problem. I’m still laughing about “I’m not sure the apocalypse is something I want to survive.” Touche, crazy, end of the world supply hoarding people. There are worse things to hoard than gold.


joeinvegas June 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I say he should get a second wife and wear both of them. It should be someone that would clean house and do all the dirty work, as the junior wife is the one those responsibilities fall to. That should make you happy too.


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
June 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Two rings and one wife. I really laughed at that.


The Flying Chalupa
June 10, 2012 at 11:36 am

even if I can’t put my ringed finger on why – LOVED THAT

I can’t believe he found his first wedding ring. And I do like the solution of you getting another piece of jewelry. 2 and 2. Nice and even.


Lady Jennie June 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I think Mama’s wisdom, as always, is supreme.


Nancy June 11, 2012 at 7:18 pm

My husband did the same thing the first year we were married! I was so pissed I went out and bought him a new one! The funny thing was, the first one was not that expensive, but the new one I bought was! He immediately started wearing the new one and about a year later my BIL found the old one out in the woods behind our house! I gave it back to husband and he put it on with the new one and has continued to wear both ever since. We will have been married 25 years in July. The two rings are a definite conversation starter!


ec June 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I think he is just trying to be all pretentious and shit like Alexis on RHNY……talking about his many wedding rings is the first step over the edge. If he says anything about selling the Bentley I’d say F that, I am going to sublet Bethenny’s apartment and leave you here with the cats and bad plumbing.


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