Sleep With Whomever You Want

by Marinka on November 23, 2010

Sometimes I feel really left out of the “mommy wars” debates. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, stay at home moms vs. work outside the home moms, crying it out vs. going insane.

It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just that my kids are older, 12 and 9, and these issues are far behind me.

And also I don’t care.

So when I got contacted by The New York Post (THE NEW YORK POST!) to weigh in on the whole co-sleeping controversy, I knew it was my chance to get all judgmental and shit.

Except I couldn’t do it.

Because I don’t really care if people sleep with their kids in their bed. My main concern is that they don’t try to plant their kids in my bed, or my kids in their bed. Because if it’s okay with everyone else, I’d just as soon everyone stay in their own damn bed. Preferably past 8 am on the weekends.

Here’s my blurb:

“To me it seems like a real struggle — uncomfortable, cumbersome and you don’t get a lot of sleep,” says Marinka, a 42-year-old married West Village mother of two who hasn’t done it and didn’t want her real name published. “Even co-sleeping with my husband is a challenge!”

Nice, right?

Except when I told Husbandrinka about it, he said, “Great, now my friends in France will think that you don’t want to sleep with me.”

God, it’s like he thinks that every song is about him.

I mean, obviously I was making a joke about co-sleeping and liking space. Is that not obvious?

Also, thanks to my friend Wendi who emailed me an accusation that I lied about my age. Well, yes and no. I am 43. But sometimes I forget and say that I’m 42. Because I don’t feel a day over 42. And the people who’ve shared my bed say that I have a body of a 42 year old. Dear Lord, I hope that my father isn’t reading this. (Also, another lie: No one has ever told me that I have the body of a 42 year old. See, children? Once you start fibbing, it’s hard to stop.)

So where are you on the co-sleeping debate? Oh, who cares! Let’s talk about what you think about my blurb instead! Do you think it makes me sound fat?

One year ago ...

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Holly November 23, 2010 at 11:46 am

I’m on the who really cares, just do what makes you happy and your kids happy and not get you into jail.

Oh and your boobs look HUGE in that blurb!

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Loukia November 23, 2010 at 11:49 am

I love your blurb. You always make me laugh, Marinka, even on my worst days, like today. So, thank you. You’re awesome.

Also, I co-sleep with my almost three year old. Husband sleeps with our five five year. old. Even though my almost three year old has his own very big boy bed, he refuses to leave my room. I’m not worried. He’s adorable to sleep beside, even though I still only get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep a night due to free-flowing never-ending anxiety.

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Pauline
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 11:52 am

After seven plus years of parenting we finally just got our bed back. I’m a big snuggler. And now that we have our bed back our aging dog has turned senile and no longer wants to be crated at night. We sleep with the cussing weiner dog now. There’s a joke in there somewhere, I’m just too tired to find it.

Sigh.

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Nina November 23, 2010 at 11:56 am

I’m with you, co-sleeping with anyone is a challenge. I recently told my husband I read an article in the NY Times that said that separate bedrooms are the hot new thing. Strangely, he didn’t find that the least bit amusing.

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magpie November 23, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Damn. The one day I don’t read the Post, and YOU’RE IN IT? Kidding, I never read the Post (shhh, don’t tell Kelcey).

I wish my kid would sleep in her own bed, but I decided it wasn’t a battle I wanted to fight anymore. Eating broccoli is more important to fight about. Someday soon she’ll be a teenager and hate me. Then, I think she’ll move back to her own room.

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Finn
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

I think it made you look 10 pounds thinner and five years younger than 42.

I used to bring my son in bed with me when he was a newborn and he would repeatedly kick me in the C-section incision area. So you can guess where I stand on this issue.

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Issa
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 12:10 pm

I used to say NEVER EVER!!! Then my third kid was born…meh life happens. He came home and started sleeping in my bed. Currently? I have a six year old who sleep with me. I had my two year old in bed with me until a few months ago. But he’s an unpleasant bed fellow. He had to go. Ha. My daughter is another story. I barely know she’s there.

I figure, everyone should do what works for them.

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elizabeth November 23, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I have a hard time sleeping if there is a cat by my feet, never mind a wiggly small child. This wasn’t an issue when my kids were little, the pediatricians were big on the sleeping alone thing back then and the what if you roll over on your baby and smother it thing. When I was a single mom my son would sometimes have nightmares and come into my room but I usually made him a little blanket nest on the floor for him to sleep in rather than in my bed. My daughter always slept in her own bed.

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Wendi
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Are you still mad that I wouldn’t co-sleep with you & Kelcey in our Hilton room at BlogHer this summer?

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Lu
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I take issue with waking up with a foot in my mouth and that is what happens when you sleep with my child. I don’t advocate doing it. I just don’t understand how anyone can sleep with more than one other person in their bed. I, like you, have issues co-sleeping with the 6’4″ giant I married.

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Kimberly November 23, 2010 at 1:09 pm

The idea of sleeping with someone else in my bed makes me want to take up bed wetting.

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marathonmom November 24, 2010 at 10:30 am

LOL

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Nicole
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 1:24 pm

It doesn’t make you sound a day over 41. Ever since I visited the Palace of Versailles I’ve wanted my own wing, never mind my own room or bed. Although full disclosure, I finally caved an bought a king sized bed to accomodate my kids sneaking into bed “on occasion.”

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the grumbles
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 1:59 pm

i was totally on board with cosleeping. my toddler, on the other hand, thinks that night time in the big bed means hair-pulling, diving, bouncing, gibbering party time. so uh, no, we don’t, because… ouch.

other than that, i don’t care what things other people do in their own beds. those dirty whores.

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Alexandria
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 2:05 pm

I love & hate co-sleeping. I hate it because I never get as much sleep. My son kicks and hits me all night long. But I do love snuggling with him. But most of the time I prefer him in his own bed.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 3:07 pm

The New York Post?! What’s next, Page 6?

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Jen November 23, 2010 at 5:22 pm

That blurb made your butt look amazing!

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joeinvegas November 23, 2010 at 6:11 pm

We put a lock on the bedroom door, heck with the kids sleeping with us, keep them out there on their own.

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Awesome dude November 23, 2010 at 6:29 pm

There is no problem with me, because I have a body of 35 year old.

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ingrid November 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm

i too have the body of a 42 year old. i am 42 so i think that’s pretty great compared to having the body of 50 year old. when i’m 50, i hope i have the body of a 50 year old or a really great body transplant.

also, you’re awesome. i don’t have kids but have been the frequent recipient of mommy rants about which i know nothing and have no opinion. i nod supportively and contradictorily to whomever is speaking. i’m not hurting any one. also. i don’t care. 😉

thanks.

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Nanci November 23, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Your blurb makes you look years younger and slimmer! I’ve never been able to sleep with my kids (rotten little bed hogs!)

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Ann's Rants
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 10:34 pm

Congratulations! I think you’re on to something. We need husband-sized bed-side bassinettes. Snoring? SHOVE. Blanket hogging? SHOVE. Cough? GUEST ROOM.

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dusty earth mother November 23, 2010 at 10:43 pm

At various times (and in various positions) I have slept with my husband, two insanely snoring pugs, and two small children who kick, roll, punch and talk in their sleep about snakes, princesses, and the alphabet.

I have no opinion about co-sleeping.

Because my brain is completely fried from long-term exhaustion.

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Katie Lance
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 11:05 pm

I just found your blog a couple days ago and love it! I think your quote sounds perfect. I’m with you – co-sleeping is not for me and sometimes I do think a bed separate from my 6’1 snoring hubby may be a good idea! LOL

Keep up the great work!
Katie

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Katie Lance
Twitter:
November 23, 2010 at 11:06 pm

I just found your blog a couple days ago and love it! I think your quote sounds perfect. I’m with you – co-sleeping is not for me and sometimes I do think a bed separate from my 6’1 snoring hubby may be a good idea! LOL

Keep up the great work!
Katie

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
November 24, 2010 at 12:36 am

You are obviously the thinnest non-co-sleeper I’ve had the encounter of reading. I would love to be so far removed from The Family Bed Stage that I don’t give a shit. But I do. And also, I love being judgmental. Because do you really need to breath in tandem with your 5-year-old? Or feel your 40-lb child’s heartbeat as he lies on your chest, crushing the life-force out of you? Are THESE the families on the back of that damn Hanna Andersen catalog who all wear the same matching holiday pajamas??? Are THESE the families where the siblings actually like each other? Because they sleep together? I have my suspicions.

Alright. I’m done ranting. It’s bedtime. Which in kiddie-speak means cry-it-the-hell-out-I’m-turning-the-monitor-off.

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alexandra
Twitter:
November 24, 2010 at 12:41 am

I’m with you:

you do have the body of a 42 yr old.

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From Belgium November 24, 2010 at 3:57 am

My toddler doesn’t WANT to sleep with us, she hates it. She wants her own bed, with her two pacifiers, her sleeping bag (which is no longer used for sleeping in, but now has a new lease on life as a lovely) and her kiki and her bear.
I feel rejected…

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
November 24, 2010 at 10:18 am

I knew I should have made fun of my husband if I wanted the Post to use my quotes.

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Keyona
Twitter:
November 24, 2010 at 12:10 pm

You looked 21 to me!

I tried the cry it out shit for about 10 mins. We like to play musical beds in my house. Keeps our sex life intresting!

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Jonathan November 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Your blurb is awesome and the husband part was clearly a joke!

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Antonia November 24, 2010 at 2:15 pm

i too was totally on board with cosleeping; My son, on the other hand, thinks that night time in the big bed means hair-pulling, diving, bouncing, gibbering party time. so uh, no, we don’t, because… ouch. So now when our son is not in the room it’s my husband who thinks that night time in the big bed means hair-pulling, diving, bouncing, gibbering party time- of the different kind!!

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Yuliya
Twitter:
November 24, 2010 at 2:33 pm

I was told that if I just co-sleep now, my kid will grow up independent and in their own bed…the fact that these parents had eight year olds in their bed made me sit in the corner gnawing on my elbows…haven’t figured out when to give my kid das boot (out) but it’s coming kid, oh it’s coming…

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Mwa (Lost in Translation) November 24, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Great blurb!
I would go sleep in the kid’s bed if one got in mine. Too many people, no sleep. And I have on occasion kicked the husband out.

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Jill
Twitter:
November 25, 2010 at 3:17 am

I’m no fan of co-sleeping myself. In fact, I got so annoyed with sharing the bed with my husband that I just decided to send him to Iraq…

Now that he’s back for a quick trip (read conjugal visit), I’m stuck giving up my diagonal sleeping.

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Andrea in Vermont November 25, 2010 at 8:59 am

As I sip my coffee this morning, I am thankful for *you,* Marinka. Thank you for laughter, and perspective, and the occasional snort of coffee up my nose. Awesome Dude, I’m thankful for you, too, speaking of perspective. My family bed has included two children, one husband, one dog, and up to three cats. In a king-size bed, it’s not *so* terrible until a kid is puking or the dog is farting… Teenagers now, our boys sleep alone (alone. and they will sleep alone until they are in grad school.) and I’m left with my husband, a cat or two, and in the wee hours of the morning our old dog climbs in. Perspective? Why am I up cooking and they’re all sleeping in their damn beds?

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Lady Jennie November 25, 2010 at 11:09 am

Husbandrinkas friends in France would appreciate your fine wit.

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anymommy November 25, 2010 at 5:27 pm

I think it makes you sound 41.

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Faiqa
Twitter:
November 26, 2010 at 11:17 am

That quote makes you look waaay thinner… in France. Because they use the metric system.

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Fairly Odd Mother
Twitter:
November 26, 2010 at 11:25 pm

My six year old STILL crawls into my bed every single night. He’s all stealth about it now, sliding into the covers without waking me. But, serves me right—I gave away the crib b/4 he was even born, having never used it for my first two kids. I figure that he’ll only sneak in for another couple of years and then he’ll grow hair and be disgusted he ever slept next to me.

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