Today My Daughter is Thirteen

by Marinka on July 4, 2011

and I celebrated by telling her that she was terminated from our joint writing projecteffective immediately.

It was very, if you’ll forgive me, liberating.

Why?

Because I waited and waited and waited for her to come through with her part of the work and she never did. Something about school, and tests, and a trip to San Francisco. Always with the excuses.

Well, she did send me this:

Which is…nice. Except, what the fuck is it?

First of all, how much acid do you have to take for grass to look like that? That’s not grass, that’s an ocean. So the text should read. “Nicki likes floating in the middle of the ocean.”

Except she doesn’t. Which brings me to my second of all, which is, and I cannot stress this strongly enough, that there is no point in the Writing Project during which Nicki is sitting on the grass or floating on the ocean.

So I had to do it. For the sake of the Writing Project, I demoted my daughter. She took it well. She seemed a little relieved, even. The nerve.

But don’t worry about the Writing Project. It’s going better than ever and I already replaced my daughter. I mean in the writing project department, not as my child.

Although if it goes well, you never know!

One year ago ...

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Melissa A. July 4, 2011 at 5:54 pm

I’ve made it a point, after having lived through my first 13 year old, to not try and climb inside the head of my 2nd 13 year old. The teenage brain is what inspired those people who created hallucinogenic drugs in the first place! I mean, really…talk about a total rain check on reality (at least, with my current 13 year old girl).

Good luck on the project. I’m just happy I can get my daughter to read her text messages from me (she’s currently in Hawaii with a friends family…of which, I am NOT in Hawaii or anywhere else even remotely pretending to be fabulous).

Reply

Becky
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 6:11 pm

On July 4, you gave your daughter her independence from the writing project. Poetic.

Reply

By Word of Mouth Musings
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 6:33 pm

LOL, I just told my 13 yr old that I hope her period is on its way to account for the snark and sass … I added that if it was an indication of a new personality disorder, then it just wasn’t going to work.

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By Word of Mouth Musings
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 6:33 pm

LOL, I just told my 13 yr old that I hope her period is on its way to account for the snark and sass … I added that if it was an indication of a new personality disorder, then it just wasn’t going to work.

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Cheryl
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I think Nikki ought to show up somewhere in this mysterious writing project. Maybe in Chapter 5?

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Gdot July 4, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Does anyone ‘do’ acid anymore?

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 11:05 pm

OMG – YOU HAVE A TEENAGER!! Happy Birthday to your awesome daughter. I wish she were mine.

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Stasha
Twitter:
July 4, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Mother of a teenager. Give yourself a pat on the back, extra mojito and put your feet up. Happy OMG to you and Birthday to Daughter who was terminated.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 2:22 am

Your daughter is clearly doing her own spin on the famous Russian-American abstract expressionist Mark Rothko with a surreal Duchampian twist. Really, Marinka.

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Penbleth
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 5:35 am

Hey, a teenager, I have two of those, one who has made it through the other side and another who will get there in August. All the joy of parenting, none of the pointless peace, who could ask for more. Belated happy birthday to your daughter for yesterday.

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From Belgium July 5, 2011 at 7:08 am

In order to prepare yourself for the experience of bein parent to a teenager a suggest you rent the movie ‘thirtheen’.
And also happy birthday to your daughter, mine happens to be on the same day.

Reply

Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 7:51 am

I love how you started this post off with Today your daughter is 13. You then proceeded to demote her and replace her.

See? that’s they type of parenting that America sorely lacks. I’m totally down with it.

hahaha…love this post

Reply

Megan July 5, 2011 at 10:20 am

I’ll have a teenager in November. I’m not looking forward to it.

Reply

tracey July 5, 2011 at 10:59 am

Has Nicki even ever SEEN grass?? Or the ocean?

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Diane July 5, 2011 at 11:21 am

Free at last! Free at last! Sabotage? My daughter turned 13 yesterday too. The first teen in the house. Not sure I’m up for this.

Reply

b a seagull
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 11:30 am

sounds like someone forgot who was willing to lend her sainted and beloved mother her emac.

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joeinvegas July 5, 2011 at 12:25 pm

You should be ready to replace her shortly, if she starts acting like most teenagers do. (as a daughter I mean)

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Barb Best July 5, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Funny! 13 year old girls are fierce – watch your back. Posted this link on my Facebook page!

Reply

A Mommy in the City
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Hope she had a great birthday! It does look like Nicki is in an ocean. Sorry you had to demote her, maybe instead of the writing project, she can just be your illustrator and create more pictures like that for the blog.

Reply

Ilana
Twitter:
July 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm

I hear Nicki is an awesome writer if you are serious about finding a replacement. In fact, I don’t think that’s grass or an ocean. Nicky is clearly sitting on top of an aqua-blue bound bestselling manuscript.

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Heather July 5, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Happy birthday to her!

If you do end up replacing her as a daughter, I’m up for adoption. And you don’t even have to pay for me to go to college. Win-win.

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dusty earth mother July 5, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I think it looks like jello. But what do I know? My kid’s only 7.

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annie July 6, 2011 at 12:18 am

Happy birthday to your daughter!! Teenagers are fun.

Reply

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