White Flag Waving

by Marinka on May 19, 2010

Lately, Young Ladrinka has been, how do you say in your language? Oh yes, a huge pain in the ass.

You heard me.

My beautiful boy, my 8 year old pride and joy has been unbearable.

And the bitch of it is–it’s not a sudden transformation, so I can’t even blame early onset male menopause.

You know how he is–he’s smart and sort of funny and can be very literal and everything’s a negotiation and last week, I basically had it.
I respect smart, but let’s just agree that sometimes children need to bend to their parents’ will.

Like if I say “Be quiet, please,” I don’t want to hear “WHY SHOULD I? IT’S A FREE COUNTRY!” in response. Because that’s how the Nazis will find us in the attic.
And I don’t want to hear back talk. Or smart talk.
So if I say, “Please take the dishes in,” I don’t want to hear “In? What do you mean in? Like inside? What, you think we’re outside now? That makes no sense.”
When I say, “You know the rules, lights out,” a “Oh MY GOD! Your rules are so turdy!” is not an appropriate response.

Last week, I’d had it.
“You know,” I told him. “I think I need to teach you respect.”
“When?” he asked, irony-less.
I didn’t know. I mean, I was having a busy week, so maybe we’d just listen to Aretha and he’d absorb the concept that way. Besides, I think saying that you’re going to teach someone respect means that you’re going to smack them, and I’m too sore from the Physique 57 workouts to engage in that kind of corporal work.

We had a friend over for dinner on Sunday, and Young Ladrinka’s behavior was abysmal. He was loud, he interrupted people, he put his feet on his chair. He knew better, and I knew that he knew better, so it was pure defiance.

I was livid.

So I did what any normal person would do.
I tweeted my pain.

My son was so obnoxious tonight, if I had any money I’d disown him.

And people were supportive. I got a “ooh not nice!” and “easy there” from some obvious Young Ladrinka loyalists.

But I’m on it.

Young Ladrinka had a long, meaningful talk and he now understands that we are operating under a zero-tolerance policy. Any backtalk with have a consequence. And unlike in the past, when the consequence was my having a nervous breakdown, now it will be loss of electronics.

He is very unhappy about it and I think he’s working on an appeal to the Supreme Court. Or maybe the Hague.

Wish me luck.

One year ago ...

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Alex@LateEnough
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 7:15 am

Oh no! My son’s already doing (too much of) that and he’s THREE. I’m DOOMED.

Reply

hokgardner
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 8:04 am

My 9yo daughter is giving us serious attitude these days. BUt she doesn’t have any electronic toys I can take away. Maybe I should buy her something so that I can take it away. Or would that be mean?

She and her sister are going to spend three hours confined to their rooms today after school due to yesterday’s terrible behavior.

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Tasha May 19, 2010 at 8:17 am

Look at me leaving a comment! (consider yourself lucky) I feel your pain. My 9 yr old is trying the same stuff. Anyone else having smart talk problems, check out Love and Logic…I swear, it has saved my life. No, I’m not being paid to say this, I just REALLY believe in it, seriously, don’t know how I parented without it! They have great advice for kids this age and teens too. Hang in there, after 2 weeks of no Wii, mine starting reconsidering his attitude. 🙂

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Marinka May 19, 2010 at 8:46 am

I’m getting a copy of Love and Logic. And giving Young Ladrinka your home address.

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Wendi
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 8:51 am

Someone recently told me that an 8-yr-old boy is the hormonal equivalent of a suicidal 17-yr-old girl. All I know is that MY 8-yr-old fits the bill—and loses his DSi privileges on a semi-regular basis lately.

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Kristy May 19, 2010 at 9:25 am

Oh thank Goodness, I thought it was just mine who all the sudden seems like someone else’s child! He will be 8 on Sunday! Thanking you for making me feel a little better about his obnoxious attitude 🙂

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake May 19, 2010 at 9:33 am

I am definitely a Marinka loyalist, so I will make a suggestion.

Download (for free) Photo Dojo from DSware, which is a hilarious game, and let him play it. Then you can take it away from him when he smack talks you. It’s like fucking legal torture, I promise you.

Reply

traci May 19, 2010 at 9:34 am

My son is the picture of perfection. Really. He is. Which is okay that I admit to since my daughter is, how do you say? A pain the ass. She also is in the early stages of litigation training. I am pretty sure she has her LSAT’s coming up.

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Donna May 19, 2010 at 9:49 am

The only punishment that has any effect on my boys is loss of Nintendo products. And so – they lose them frequently.

But what about the girls? Tonight, my just-turned-two baby was lying in her crib chatting to herself. Awww, how cute. I listened at the door. And heard her babbling “stoo-pid. stoo-pid. stoo-pid.” Over and over. I’m doomed, aren’t I?

Reply

always home and uncool
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 9:49 am

Can I offer you a swap for a 10 year old girl?

Reply

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) May 19, 2010 at 9:56 am

I was able to escape this type of thing until recently, when my 12 year old son decided he was going to assert his authority. Oh, hahahahaha. How I enjoy the delightful backtalk banter that goes on until I remember I’m the mother.

My only hope is my 8 year old son bears witness to this and is scared straight.

Reply

Loukia May 19, 2010 at 10:13 am

Oh, I hear you loud and clear! My oldest darling beautiful baby boy, my 4 year old, is acting up, already. And I mean… reallllly acting up. He doesn’t listen to me all the time, and my children think that they are the boss of me. Of course, I do let them rule me and I do realize this is MY problem and I need supernanny, but I love them soooo and I can’t bear to say ‘no’! However, when my son accidentally said “Shut-up you idiot!” to me, I did what any mother would do – I gasped, because I was so shocked, and then I laughed, because come on… when you hear children say bad words it is kind of cute.
In all reality, he’s really well behaved to OTHER people, and teacher thinks he is the most perfect child ever. So at least there is that, right?

Reply

Margaret (Nanny Goats)
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 11:32 am

I don’t have any problem children whatsoever. Of course, that might be because I have no children, I don’t know.

Reply

alexandra
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 12:25 pm

I bought each of my 3 sons their own Nintendo DS, just so I could take it away.

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Issa
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I bought my 8yr old an iTouch for the same reason. Best punishment ever. Plus? I love playing the thing. Ha.

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Sophie May 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm

All I can offer is my support in your just cause, and hope this comment will indeed register, since I can’t seem to be able to comment in other blogs (Hey there, sorry, Ann’s Rants, I’m still a reader!).

Go forth and prosper with education to proper behavior amd parental obedience!

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Issa
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Sad thing? He’s a boy. It only gets worse from here. My mom says it lasts from 8-21. Or something.

This was what you wanted to hear right? 😉

I loved seven. Seven was such a lovely age. Eight has it’s awesome moments, but I keep telling my daughter NOT EVERYTHING IS UP FOR DISCUSSION! She’s a slow learner.

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peajaye
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm

whaaa??? you mean trying to reason with someone with the mental capacity of an 8-year-old doesn’t work? oh, c’mon now, that’s just kooky.

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Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin May 19, 2010 at 3:34 pm

When you say you’ll disown him, it’s not like you actually own him now is it?!

Bwahahahaha.

I’m an insolent adolescent at heart.

Reply

Coco
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Perfect. Take what they love. The best solution.

Reply

ShallowGal May 19, 2010 at 4:58 pm

It’s not going to work. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but there you have it. Taking away their electronics just gives them MORE time and energy to be sassy. Military school is the only solution. Sorry Ladrinka.

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Jonathan May 19, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Hey I didn’t know Kathy Ireland was still reading your tweets! And yes the phrase “I think I need to teach you some respect” sounds like some brass knuckles and street tougher are involved. LOL. Good luck! I’m sure the loss of electronics will make him choose his words more wisely.

Reply

Vicki
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm

As always, I offer Russell Peters’s sage advice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI and my sympathies.

Reply

fuck yeah, motherhood!
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 9:49 pm

You guys! They outgrow this! Then, they are jerks in completely different, grownup ways. And are taller than you. And you look ridiculous putting your tiny foot down but you still do because you are the boss, damnit. The pocket-sized, Minnie Mouse-voiced boss.

Reply

Karen at French Skinny May 19, 2010 at 10:34 pm

I was kind of hoping that by 8 yrs. old, my 3 yrs. old would be trained like a good Labrador Retriever.
To say that I am saddened by this news is an understatement.

Reply

Tonya
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I think perhaps you should take a page from Pavlov. Every time he does something upsetting make him watch “Beaches” or “Sophie’s Choice.”
Good Luck!!

Reply

suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 11:30 pm

You go, girl! Good luck!

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
May 19, 2010 at 11:31 pm

I have a DSi on top of fridge right now. Can’t remember exactly what sassy thing he said. So many of them.

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dusty earth mother May 19, 2010 at 11:31 pm

“Your rules are so turdy!”

This is the best obnoxious-child response ever. And now I must burn my computer so that my obnoxious children don’t discover it.

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Catootes
Twitter:
May 20, 2010 at 7:01 am

The loss of electronics is an excellent negotiation tool used by empowered parents everywhere. It works on pain in the ass 14 year olds as well. Because the obnoxiousness increases with the age quotient.

Good luck. And get some more vodka. You’ll need it.

Reply

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