World Cupper

by Marinka on June 21, 2010

Last Sunday I was watching the Australia-Germany play a soccer game with my stepson.  Australia and Germany, which by the way,  seem like the two countries that would produce the world’s most unappealing fusion cuisine.  But in the middle of the game I suddenly I realized that every single person on the field, including the umpires, was extraordinarily good looking in way that may very well violate the Geneva Convention of Human Rights of Less Attractive People.

“OMG!” I screeched. “Why are they all good looking?”
“I can’t tell that they are all good looking,” my teenage stepson told me because no man can ever tell if another man is handsome.  Which is why it’s great that women are around to help them out with that problem.

“Can you tell that they’re all athletic?” I checked. Because it’s always a good idea to screen for vision problems.

“Yes.  They’re world class athletes.”

“World class good looking athletes.  Maybe good looks are a requirement for being on the team?”

“If you saw the French soccer player, you’d know that it wasn’t,” he told me.

* * *

The next day I overhead a friend talking about the not-handsome French soccer player.

So of course I became obsessed with tracking down his picture.  And since I didn’t know his name, I had to google things like “unattractive yet professional soccer player from France”.

Finally, I just asked my stepson for his name, and here he is:

But I'm sure that he's a nice person, and that's what really counts!

Okay, so he’s not the most handsome man that I’ve ever seen.  But surely he has the type of character that most can only aspire to?

Except, uh-oh, what’s this?  Oh? He was involved in a sex scandal?  Well, goodness, who hasn’t?  With a prostitute, you say? Hmm.  World’s oldest profession, after all.  In this age of internet startups, there is something refreshing about going back to basics. Oh.  Underage prostitute?  Look, I’m trying here.  But I think that the moral of this story is that if you’re facially challenged, maybe you shouldn’t be paying children for sex.

Just a thought.

Image credit

Disclaimer:  I’m not a beauty queen myself.  But I’ve yet to be caught with an underage prostitute.  (And not just because I’m on a budget.  Really, even if I were rolling in it, I’d do other things with my money.  Like buy one of those handsome soccer players to be my new cleaning lady).

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

fuck yeah, motherhood!
June 21, 2010 at 12:14 am

I just made a World Cup post! Catch the fever. But not with your hands because that’s against the rules.

Your moral is timeless. I’m going to carry it with me. Now, where’s the print button?


Lisa June 21, 2010 at 12:19 am

Have you seen the Vanity Fair photo spread? DROOL worthy. Seriously. And every single one of them has those “cut marks” on the lower abdomen. The ones that make me light headed. Sigh.


Jamie June 21, 2010 at 12:27 am

I showed this picture to my fiancé (while laughing about him being um, unattractive) and my fiancé’s response is “oh, well he has a scar on his face”. ummm no honey, that is not the only reason. Guys, geez


Sophie@Fabrications June 21, 2010 at 1:56 am

Hiring a good looking athlete man to be your cleaning lady is a wonderful idea. I want one too, please.


June 21, 2010 at 8:24 am

Strange how guys can’t say that other guys are good looking but your step-son didn’t have a problem saying this one wasn’t. They do notice they just don’t want to appear gay. LOL.


empress bee (of the high sea) June 21, 2010 at 8:36 am

okay, that’s what i’ll do when my cleaning lady retires! thanks!

smiles, bee


I'm Nate's Mom June 21, 2010 at 8:59 am

You know, you can host a soccer coach for the summer through one of those UK soccer camps. just think, live-in help and a little eye candy!


sarah June 21, 2010 at 1:09 pm

this post is going to make me giggle all day long.


christy June 21, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I keep thinking about an ad I saw on some site a while ago – hot naked man will clean your house. Seriously – there are guys that do that! haha!


Jen June 21, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Now we know where that old saying “He has a face only a child prostitute could love” came from.


June 21, 2010 at 7:57 pm

I had that handsome hernia once too — when I spent a weekend in Amsterdam. It was like there was some kind of law against unattractive people being out in public or something. Everyone there was about 6’5″ and gorgeous. There weren’t even any normal, average looking people.

Except the tourists. That’s how you could tell who wasn’t Dutch.


Carolyn Online
June 21, 2010 at 8:32 pm

My favorite part of the World Cup games is when the players TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF and trade after the game. Yummy.


dusty earth mother June 21, 2010 at 11:08 pm

“the world’s most unappealing fusion cuisine”. I really couldn’t even concentrate on the rest of the post because I was too busy tee-heeing over this.


June 21, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Drool… Oh Well … isn’t it lovely to dream !!!


Steph June 23, 2010 at 12:35 pm

I am guessing the elder prostitutes have standards while underage prostitutes have no choice because they’re owned by some slimy pimp (like the one Lawrence Taylor did or didn’t do anything with).

All I can say is that’s gross on so many levels and why is he still playing soccer and not in jail??


Katie June 24, 2010 at 2:23 pm

True story: My husband is into the World Cup. I am into only the National Anthems. You know? Where they pan the camera past all those beautiful mens’ faces, slowly and deliciously? That’s as far as my attention span for soccer goes.

(Love your blog, BTW. Wish I remember how I found it…maybe through ‘Pacing the Panic Room’? Either way, I have laughed my way through pages and pages of old posts!)


Annje June 24, 2010 at 9:12 pm

Argentina number 16. Go look, you won’t be sorry.

In addition to the actual ugliness of some of the French players… their attitude seemed pretty nasty too.


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