Tiger and Elin Plus Eleven

by Marinka on December 10, 2009

Seriously, did you think that I wouldn’t weigh in on Tiger Woods?
It took me a while because golf is totally off my radar and I consider it a sport in the same sense that I consider chess a sport. But then again, I almost passed out during the warm up stage of The Shred, so you should probably look elsewhere for the Olympics coverage this winter.

But Tiger and his Transgressions are everywhere. Twitter is on the case—Tiger’s new name is Cheetah! Transgressions–a new scent from Calvin Klein! I hope that Apple is working on an application to keep track of his whores because I am having a hard time doing it on my own.

My first problem is the sheer volume of them. Is he buying them in bulk at Costco or something? And second of all, look at them! They all look exactly the same to me. Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be all whorist, but I can’t tell them apart.

My favorite is Joslyn James. I learned from the New York Post that she is an adult film vixen, whose real name is Veronica Siwik-Daniels, which sort of breaks my heart. Because whenever I see a hyphenated name, I think, “Oh wow! How progressive! She and her husband hyphenated their names!” and then I realize, “no, dumbass, you’re old. It’s her given name.” And then I forgive myself and think, “Oh wow! How progressive! Her parents hyphenated her name because they wanted to strike out against the patriarchy that dictates that women are chattel, that she takes her husband’s name and he brands her with it, and their children bear his name and her family’s imprint is obliterated, good for them, for giving their daughter a sense of both families’ heritage. Because girls like that grow up with a strong sense of self esteem.”
Sometimes I think that hyphenations set the bar too high.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather December 10, 2009 at 1:07 am

I used to have a hyphenated name. But I wasn’t a whore. I was a kid who was robbed of a middle name and so I kept my maiden name and hyphenated it with my first husbands surname.
What a pain in the ass. People just do not know what to do with it.

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Swistle December 10, 2009 at 6:49 am

“Whorist”—HA HA HA HA HA!!

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traci December 10, 2009 at 8:01 am

See, all I think of with hyphenated names is “Oh, that poor girl, born to an unwed mother. She will probably grow up to work in the porn industry.”

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kiki
Twitter:
December 10, 2009 at 8:04 am

great post. i feel so sorry for Elin and the children. also, i can only imagine how mortified the bride, getting married this weekend to Tiger’s best friend, a.k.a. friend who was booking the flights for Uchitel to meet Tiger for these alleged “transgressions,” must be. also, that’s my new fav term for trysts. just like our horny governor and his term, “hiking-the-applachian-trail.” how humiliated she must feel knowing everyone knows that her fiance is the one who arranged Tiger’s whores. i bet she’s super-grateful for the paparazzi helicopters that will be flying overhead as they say their vows. what a d-bag.

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HOmommy
Twitter:
December 10, 2009 at 8:50 am

For the record. What Tiger and I had going on was REAL. He told me so.

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traci December 10, 2009 at 9:26 am

BWhahahahha. HOmommy!

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CSY December 10, 2009 at 9:31 am

Yeah, its sad. The one who has Gloria What’s-her-name…the high priced attorney…she actually belived him when he said she was the only one. Women like this give the rest of us a VERY bad name! I mean SERIOUSLY!!! She was fooling around with a married man and she belived him when he told her she was the only one and now SHE’S mad cuz he screwed MORE women…duh!

I’m stepping off my soap box now. Thank you.

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Sprite's Keeper
Twitter:
December 10, 2009 at 10:16 am

Meh, there is more than one way to catch a Tiger by his tail. The tail keeps coming out of the woodwork. Hyphen or not, these women knew he was married, had kids, and dallied anyway. Why are they lawyering up when they walked in knowing it could blow up like this?

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barbara sigelbaum
Twitter:
December 10, 2009 at 11:03 am

Let’s forget about Tiger and get to more interesting topics, like Momma, Poppa and new brother Lucca. See, it’s been so long I forgot proper name spellings.

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MarathonMom December 10, 2009 at 11:44 am

Can we get one more? Cuz then you can make a cheetah calendah!

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Hoodchick December 10, 2009 at 7:35 pm

It’s not even like he’s sooooo hot, I couldn’t help myself. You when people hate being called cute, because puppies are cute? Yes, that is Tiger Woods. Maybe his wife should beat him with a rolled up newspaper (wrapped around a 2×4)

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Maureen@IslandRoar December 10, 2009 at 10:57 pm

We gave our kids both our names, no hyphen. Scares the hell out of people. But so far none of them have admitted sleeping with Tiger. My fingers remain crossed…

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amy2boys
Twitter:
December 14, 2009 at 10:41 am

THANK YOU. “I hope that Apple is working on an application to keep track of his whores because I am having a hard time doing it on my own. ” –made me laugh out loud, and I needed that. I’ve been unreasonably disappointed in him from all this. My husband is like – what the hell? Why so surprised? Why do you care so much? I can’t answer that, dammit. I just liked him and now I know he’s a complete wanker.

Wanker. heh.

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magpie December 15, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Okay, this bit?

“Oh wow! How progressive! Her parents hyphenated her name because they wanted to strike out against the patriarchy that dictates that women are chattel, that she takes her husband’s name and he brands her with it, and their children bear his name and her family’s imprint is obliterated, good for them, for giving their daughter a sense of both families’ heritage. Because girls like that grow up with a strong sense of self esteem.”

made my head explode.

Reply

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