From the monthly archives:

September 2008

No Offense

by Marinka on September 29, 2008

There are expressions that really rub me the wrong way.

For example, “rub me the wrong way”. Is it me, or is that sort of pervy? Like the implication that the way that you’re rubbing me now is doing absolutely nothing for me, but if you were rubbing me in a better way, whoa, Nellie. Gross, right? And not just because the “whoa, Nellie” reference sort of implies that I have a Catherine the Great fetish for horses. Which I totally don’t. No offense.

And actually, “no offense” is another one. When, would you say, is a good time to use it? I have a friend of size who says that it really annoys him when someone will be telling a story and say, “yeah, so this fat guy, no offense, goes to the bakery.” I understand why it is annoying to my friend, but I dont understand why someone would feel compelled to say it in the first place.

OMG Im typing this on Husbandrinkas laptop and one of the keys just flew off. Can you guess which one? I wonder if hell notice (he will, that is, not Hades) and if hell blame me. FUME. I did nothing wrong, I was just typing along. You are my witness, ok? Maybe Ill convice him that contractions are a part of the right wing conspiracy or something. If you dont hear from me soon, send help. Hold on, Im going to switch computers.

Anyway. My seven year old son recently started saying “no offense”. At first I thought that it was adorable, the way he would say, “No offense, mom, but I am full.” It sounded so grown up and polite.

But then last weekend I overheard him explaining to a friend how to use the phrase. He said, “It’s when you say something rude, but you don’t want the other person’s feelings to be hurt.”


Makes perfect sense.

Except, when exactly does THAT happen?

“God, you’re a fucking moron. No offense.”

“Hey, have you considered a complete facial reconstruction? No offense.”

“Are you wearing a strap-on ass? Because, no offense, but I didn’t think it could get that big.”

But the fun thing about “no offense” is that everyone is programmed to say “none taken” when they hear it.

“I am going to have you killed. No offense.”

“None taken!”

Really? The next time that someone says that to you, why not say, “You know, I am offended. Being killed would really hurt my feelings and is just not ok with me. Now, let me rub you the right way.”


Guess What?

by Marinka on September 29, 2008

Wonderful Meghan from A Mom Two Boys asked me to do a guest post on her blog, which conveniently spared me the humiliation of having to beg her for that chance.

And then I immediately got blog writer’s block. It was so bad, that I turned to my husband for wisdom.

And he was all like, “you still have a blog?” and I’m pretty sure that he rolled his eyes.

So, I had to come up with an idea all on my own. Which I don’t recommend under normal circumstances. Please check out my post here!

{ 1 comment }

Don’t Look So Glum! McCain & Palin are Full of Aplomb!

September 27, 2008

Ok, I never said that I was a Poet Laureate, so what do you expect? I am a mom, and as a mom, I know a lot about making rhyme and reason out of nonsense, so I think that qualifies me to write a line of poetry as the title of my post. I’m sorry […]

Read the full article →

Hey, Lurkers!

September 26, 2008

Look, everyone lurks. Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t want to leave a comment, I just like to read your blog!” Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t want to leave a comment, and I don’t even like to read your blog, but I’m a masochist and this is what I do.” Maybe you’re thinking “I’d totally leave […]

Read the full article →

The M Bomb

September 26, 2008

A few years ago my mother called me with bone chilling news. “Your cousin is getting married,” she said, and then, without so much as a you may want to sit down or is there anyone nearby to administer smelling salts should they become necessary, she dropped the M bomb. “He’s marrying a model.” A […]

Read the full article →

You Think You Know Someone, Part Whatever

September 24, 2008

Recently Kirsten, who goes by the deceptively endearing moniker Mama Ginger Tree recently commented on this blog that she is starting to feel sorry for Husbandrinka. Fortunately, I believe in the freedom of speech and am accepting of comments that suggest that my Husband is unfortunate to be married to me, imply that I tricked […]

Read the full article →

I Don’t Think It Would Work

September 23, 2008

Marinka: I don’t think that I could marry someone in prison, could you? Husbandrinka: Yes. Marinka: I mean what’s the point? He’s in prison, so he’s useless to me. Although I wouldn’t have to pick up his dry cleaning. Husbandrinka: You’ve never picked up my dry cleaning, we have it delivered. Marinka: I know, it’s […]

Read the full article →

Pass the Mustard

September 22, 2008

What, this isn’t how you set the dinner table every night? The good news is that my husband and I are not one of those nauseating couples who are always hugging and kissing and telling other people how in love we are. Because everyone hates those people, and they know it, that’s why they cling […]

Read the full article →