From the monthly archives:

August 2009

Here We Go Again

by Marinka on August 30, 2009

My son has been invited to spend winter vacation with his friend, in Boca. Yes, my 8 year old will be pool-side, sipping Mai Tais, playing mah jongg, and dancing in a grass skirt, while I shovel snow in New York City, racked with swine flu, with nary an Entenmann’s cake to be found for healing purposes.

(Yes, I am aware that I’ve cast a 60 year old woman in the role of my son. It’s called comedic-poetic license. And it’s totally legal. )

I mention this unfairness to Husbandrinka and he’s like, “whatever. Let him have fun.”
And I’m totally not against my children having fun, except when it means that I’m not having fun because (1) I am super worried about their having fun or (2) I am Left Behind, a la End of Times, except in New York City.
Besides, what Husbandrinka seems to have totally forgotten is that for years I lived with my super cute Basset Hound, Mavis, who had standing weekend invitations to the Hamptons and several upstate destinations.
Yes, people would invite my dog over for the weekend. Because apparently she was scintillating company.
“Is Mavis available?” they would ask.
“It just so happens that we’re both free!” I’d surprise them with the good news, in case they were too shy to come out and invite me along.
“Great! I’ll have Mavis picked up Friday morning. We want to get beat the traffic to Southampton.”
So, I would sit at home, rotting in the NYC heat, breathing in life-endangering pollution, while Mavis was probably getting exfoliated on the beach.
It’s a good thing that I have such a big heart, because many others would be totally bitter. And no one likes to have a bitter person along for the weekend. Or on vacation. In sunny Florida.


Vacation Recovery

by Marinka on August 29, 2009

We had to return from vacation one day early because that anti-semite Danny was threatening New England, which didn’t seem that bad to me until Husbandrinka pointed out that we were in New England and that our ferry ride could be in danger. Having cheated death on the ferry ride to the island, I was reluctant to try it again.

So we left on Friday, and the ferry ride was pretty uneventful, except I was sitting within throttling distance from a young child who made death by drowning seem totally appealing. Because he would not shut the fuck up. He had a little motor train for which he was providing the acoustics at nerve-damaging decibels. His parents seem to have been brain damaged by his previous antics because they sat completely silent, without any attempts to suffocate their demon child.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, my own children spent the ferry crossing reading the Bible and washing some lepers’ wounds.

I have a lot to say about our vacation, and I promise to get to it before the year is over. I promise it will be totally worth the wait. (These promises aren’t binding, are they?)



August 26, 2009

My daughter calls her 8 year old brother “brat” and he fumes, saying that it’s super unfair and he shouldn’t have to live with such indignity and assault on his character. Of course, I agree. I tell my daughter that she shouldn’t use hurtful words and knock it the hell off, besides. “It’s not hurtful,” […]

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Update from Vacation

August 24, 2009

So far, our vacation is awesome, mainly because when we came over on the ferry Saturday afternoon, we did not die. I see that as a big plus. On Friday, the ferry people told us that the service would be canceled on Saturday because of Hurricane Bob but then they decided to reschedule Hurricane Bob […]

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Jennifer Aniston

August 23, 2009

There are things that I do not understand about Jennifer Aniston and I’m tired of living alone with my pain. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from my gay friends, other than that I’m failing fag haggery because I don’t love show tunes, it’s that Silence=Death, so I’m going to be chatty about it. […]

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Things That I Worry Will Happen While I am on Vacation

August 21, 2009

(except for death and destruction, because, duh). We are going away on vacation next week and I have some worries. 1. There will be no internet access at the house that we are renting. And a murderer in the basement. 2. The vacation books that I picked to take with me will suck and I […]

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Got Skank?

August 19, 2009

Dear Friends, Have I told you lately how highly I think of you and of your fine moral character? No? Forgive me, for I have been remiss. The blogosphere is a abuzz with a recent case where, according to published reports, a beautiful model was called a skank, a ho and other unflattering terms in […]

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I Don’t Know How Anyone Can Live Here

August 19, 2009

Yesterday, I took all the kids bowling at Chelsea Piers, which is like the Buckingham Palace of bowling, assuming that the Buckingham Palace is air conditioned and overpriced. I totally won, too. I never believed in “losing on purpose” to build up your kids’ self-esteem or some such crap. I think that losing on purpose […]

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