Anonymous

by Marinka on January 13, 2011

A friend of mine had this conversation with a male member of her household this morning.

Friend (dashing, svelte, in her early 40s, but doesn’t look a nanosecond older than 38 and a half):  NameRedacted, could you please come here.

NameRedacted:  Where? Are you in the bathroom?  Why? Am I in trouble?

Friend (Practically a model):  A wee bit of trouble.  Bring some paper towels.

NameRedacted:  What?! Can you not say that so loud, PLEASE? YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME!

NameRedacted arrives at bathroom door.

Friend (Also, a heart of gold): Please wipe down the toilet seat.

NameRedacted:  I don’t like doing that!

Friend (And don’t get me started on her intellect!):  And I don’t like sitting down in urine.

NameRedacted: Why would you sit down?

Friend (The complete package! Uncanny!): Because I’m a girl and I don’t have a penis.

NameRedacted: [Familiar relationship redacted]!  Stop saying penis.

Friend (but still a mere mortal):  Maybe we can make a deal.  You lift the seat up and I will never say PENIS again.

________________________________________

Thank you so much to Vicki for her guest post yesterday.  It was right on the money. A money shot, as Sarah Palin would say.

One year ago ...

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 9:38 am

This is your son right? Hopefully, not your husband. That sounds like a very fair deal.

Reply

Whitney
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 9:58 am

Haha!

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tracy
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 10:16 am

1. Your friend is amazingly hot and young and model-esque.

2. Perhaps anonymous male should sit to pee also. I have trained my husband well.

Reply

Catherine
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 10:30 am

I’ve had exactly this conversation. Only I’m nowhere near as hot as your “friend” is.

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Loukia January 13, 2011 at 10:50 am

You keep me laughing everyday!
We seem to be having an issue with our 5 year old son lately, too. He’s NOT lifting the toilet seat when he goes pee. So it’s always a clean up job for me. Already 5, and not listening to the bathroom rules.

Reply

Megan January 13, 2011 at 11:04 am

Do you have a camera in my house?

Reply

christy January 13, 2011 at 11:22 am

Thank you so much for making me laugh so hard this morning – I needed it! SOOO funny!

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annie January 13, 2011 at 12:02 pm

I’d comment but i’m intimidated by your gorgeous, talented, perfection personified friend.

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JulieBouf January 13, 2011 at 12:49 pm

My son is a little over 2 now and I am petrified of what my bathroom’s are going to turn into once he is potty trained….especially considering my 5yo daughter makes worse of a mess than any boy I know.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) January 13, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Hahaha,,,I must say that my husband was one of four boys and when I met him I said, “either the toilet seat goes down or I go.” I’m still here….my son was trained from an early age that in any bathroom except his, if the seat is up…he’s a deadman.

The seat is ALWAYS down in my house. ALWAYS!!!

Reply

Tracie
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 1:08 pm

That is my biggest bathroom issue. I would rather the toilet seat be left up, and me have to put it down, than have urine on the seat when I come in there to use it. Gross.

Reply

dusty earth mother January 13, 2011 at 1:34 pm

“Why would you sit down?” Obviously you don’t have the open-door policy of my home where genitals have their own parades.

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CSY January 13, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Oh my! That’s funny! Are you having this conversation with one of MY sons?! We only had this conversation ONCE! The seat now stays down and free of urine. Why is it they’ll fart and scratch all day, but you say Penis and they get all girlie?

Reply

Slow Panic
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 5:30 pm

I have two boys. I’m pretty sure our household is the sole supporter of the paper towel industry.

Reply

Andrea
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I really REALLY hope this is not a grown person. 😉

Reply

ChiTown Girl January 13, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I can’t tell you how thankful that this has NEVER been an issue in my house. I threw out my ex when my son was about 2, so he’s never had a bad example to follow. He ALWAYS puts the seat up, wipes the rim (if necessary) and then puts the seat AND lid down!! It’s one of my proudest accomplishments as a mom! 😉

Reply

Awesome dude January 13, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Penis envy in full bloom.

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P.K. January 13, 2011 at 10:38 pm

As the mother of two sons, *my friend* always blamed the boys for these types mishaps. Until my, I mean *her* husband started taking a new medication that turned his urine blue.

Reply

Ann's Rants
Twitter:
January 13, 2011 at 11:20 pm

I keep a bottle of Windex and papertowels IN THE BATHROOM.

RAGE I tell you. RAGE.

Reply

Glamamom
Twitter:
January 14, 2011 at 8:55 am

Something for me to look forward to. Especially the svelte part.

Reply

Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
January 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

HA!!! I can almost hear the unspoken “don’t you try to Monty Hall ME, boy!”

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Neil
Twitter:
January 14, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just urine. Didn’t you read that article that your computer keyboard has more germs than your toilet seat? You don’t give up blogging because of your filthy keyboard, do you? So, maybe your friend should lay off that anonymous male and his toilet seat. I don’t care how HOT this friend of your is in appearance. She clearly does not understand men.

Reply

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