Baby Fever

by Marinka on January 26, 2013

A few months ago my neighbor had a baby. Which was definitely a relief, because one day I asked her if she’d swallowed a watermelon and she said “no, I’m pregnant” and I told her about hysterical pregnancies and how she may think she’s pregnant, but this is why swallowing a watermelon seed is no joke and would she consider posing for a photo on my blog as a cautionary tale.

Then a whole bunch of things happened, none of which involved her showing up for my blog photo shoot, but which did involve Husbandrinka speaking to me in a soft voice about “boundaries” and getting fitted for some kind-of-tight dress-garment-thing, and then quite frankly things get a little blurry, except I have the distinct recollection that the blue pills make me really, really thirsty, but those red pills? It’s like they bottled happiness!

Anyway.

She had the baby, so I guess she showed me. I simple “I didn’t swallow a watermelon seed” would have done nicely.

Anyway again.

This week I ran into her in the hallway and she had the dog and the baby in the stroller.I guess she takes that baby with her everywhere now, to prove that she really was pregnant or something.  I have no idea.

So we exchanged pleasantries, and neither one of us mentioned watermelons, although to be fair, they’re not in season, so the real test of whether we are over the whole thing or not will be in the summer. I’ll keep you posted. And then one thing lead to the other, and I offered to watch her baby while she took the dog out because it’s been so cold in NYC, and I’m basically a saint. And she accepted.

Fortunately the baby was asleep in the stroller, so there wasn’t a lot for me to do. Which is how I like it.

But because I am a mommy blogger, I consider myself a professional in all things kid-related (the human kind, not goats), I immediately approached it with professionalism. First, I got the stroller into my apartment. Then, I secured the area. Which means I told my daughter that there was a baby on the premises, I was in no position to answer any of her questions, and that she must cease and desist all noise-making and practice deep breathing.

My daughter looked like she was a bit confused but followed me to the kitchen/nursery where the baby, fortunately, was still asleep in the stroller.

“How do we know that he’s still alive?” she whispered to me.
“Because he’s breathing, obviously,” I said, except he was sleeping like the proverbial log, which, unfortunately are not known for their respiration.

I was considering getting a mirror and holding it up to his nose like they do in the movies, but then I noticed that although I couldn’t see him breathing, I could see him sucking on his pacifier, so I felt that was good enough. Then I took off my coat and thought about what I had to do.

Unfortunately my list included unloading the dishwasher and running some tomatoes through the blender, both of which are very noisy and therefore not appropriate with Sleeping Baby. Further on my list was practice primal scream and start chainsaw, so it was like the whole world was conspiring against me.

I sat down and watched the baby sleeping. Sleeping like a baby, so peaceful, without a care in the world, except the whole learning to walk and talk, and getting into kindergarten and navigating this crazy world we live in. And I thought how lucky I was to have this precious time with the baby to remind me how it all begins, the round-the-clock care that babies require, the peaceful moments when they are asleep, the promises of the future that they hold. Oh, and also, hasn’t the baby been in my apartment for hours now, where was his mother walking the dog- VENUS?

But it was only ten minutes. She came back and thanked me and took the baby away. And just like that, my baby minding came to an end for the day.

Thank goodness I had the dishwasher unloading to occupy me, because otherwise I could have gotten really nostalgic and wistful about the baby days and it all being behind me now.

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

bronxbee January 26, 2013 at 12:17 pm

you didn’t smell the baby did you? always dangerous… depending on when you smell them of course.

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Nicole(Whole Strides) January 26, 2013 at 1:02 pm

Awww…. Now I want a baby to sleep quietly in my house for 10 minutes so I can reminisce. Unfortunately, the only baby I have access to is more of a toddler and when she comes to my house she wreaks havoc and makes me remember why it is I’m so glad my kids are older now.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
January 26, 2013 at 1:34 pm

Maybe she adopted the baby, just as an alibi for the whole watermelon-seed-swallowing thing?

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christy January 26, 2013 at 7:10 pm

Once again, you made me laugh SO HARD. Because see, I’m smack dab in the middle of the baby years, with a 4 year old, a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. You are welcome to baby-mind any of them, anytime! ;-)

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Lady Jennie January 27, 2013 at 3:58 am

My sister brought her 4 month old baby for a stay, and as much as I love to breathe in the babiness, I think I’m happy to not have to wake up at 2 AM.

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Ann
Twitter:
January 27, 2013 at 9:24 am

I just got to hang out with a brand new watermelon myself recently. Seedless!

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
January 27, 2013 at 9:34 am

oh the delectable amazing smell of a baby, their sweet little neck folds, those dimpled thighs!
the projectile vomiting and pooping (simultaneously, sometimes!), the incessant wailing of colic…
cured of baby fever yet?

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Stacy
Twitter:
January 27, 2013 at 9:38 am

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tracy@sellabitmum January 27, 2013 at 2:19 pm

But did you instagram the baby for all of us to see? If not, then I don’t think the baby really exists..

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 27, 2013 at 9:10 pm

Yeah, with our baby days behind us now – it’s easy to feel nostalgic. Oh wait, never mind. I don’t feel nostalgic. I am completely terrified.

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 28, 2013 at 7:05 am

I’m rather dissapointed to find out that you are not an expert on goats.

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anymommy January 28, 2013 at 4:04 pm

Bullet dodged. Although, it would be fun to read this blog while you were pregnant, I feel like we missed out on an important part of your life and significant freaking out.

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Mexmom January 29, 2013 at 10:34 am

Taking care of a sleeping baby for 10 minutes is so peaceful but then they have to wake up at point… and that is when the fun starts.

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Susan Weinstein January 29, 2013 at 12:01 pm

Were you tempted to put the baby on EBay? Always amazing to comparison shop and think what your merchandise is worth.

Priceless is what we think. And we have many photos and I have some drawings to prove it!

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Susan Weinstein January 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm

Were you tempted to go on EBay and see what the baby would fetch?
Comparison shopping does help to determine the value of your merchandise.

Priceless is what I think of mine. And of course, I have photos and even drawings to prove it!

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joeinvegas January 30, 2013 at 12:37 pm

Is daughter now asking for a younger sibling to help take care of? Are you thinking so too? Are you out of your freeking mind?

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