Cat Adoption is Not for For Pussies (New EZ to Read Format!)

by Marinka on January 22, 2009

2 years ago, Marinka wanted a cat.

“Husbandrinka, I want a cat!”

Husbandrinka did not want a cat.

“No cats.”

Marinka had to develop a strategy.
“I will be turning 40 next month and I want a cat!” she told Husbandrinka.
Husbandrinka gave her a ring with sapphires.
“Fuck the cat!” Marinka thought.
Then Marinka changed her mind.
“I still want a cat!” she told Husbandrinka.
“No cats,” said Husbandrinka. And probably considered taking the ring with sapphires back.
Marinka had to develop a better strategy.
“I want to have another baby,” she said, hoping to plea bargain down to a cat.
“Well, good luck finding someone to have it with,” Husbandrinka said.
“Our tenth anniversary is coming up,” Marinka said. “A cat would be a lovely gift.”
Husbandrinka gave Marinka a ring with diamonds. Marinka’s finger was jewel encrusted. But she still didn’t have a cat.

Marinka waited.
Marinka plotted.
Every plot was foiled.
Marinka fumed.
Marinka seethed.

Then Marinka and Husbandrinka’s daughter said, “I want a cat.”
Marinka didn’t say anything. Husbandrinka said, “We can’t get a cat.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s a lot of work.”
“I’ll take care of it all by myself. I read books about it. I’ll clean its litter box and I’ll feed it and I’ll love it. Please?”
Husbandrinka said “no.” But it was a different kind of ‘no’ and that was all that their daughter needed. She went to work on it. Every day, Marinka and Husbandrinka woke up to lists of things that the daughter would do and reasons why she deserves a cat.

Marinka said, “Hey, Husbandrinka, why don’t you tell her that we’re not getting her a cat because she’s a rotten kid?”
Husbandrinka said, “She’s an amazing kid, what are you talking about?”
Marinka said, “Well, since you’re punishing her and she’s the only kid without a pet in her whole class, I thought you should drive your point home.”
Husbandrinka became concerned, “Is she really the only one without a pet?”
“Yep.” (Disclaimer: lie.)

Husbandrinka said ok! HE SAID OK!
Plans to adopt a cat were made.
And then one day, mama (Marinka’s mother) took the kids to Petco to adopt a cat.
And no one was prepared for what happened next.

One year ago ...

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{ 54 comments… read them below or add one }

Pseudonymous High School Teacher January 22, 2009 at 8:23 am

I smell a part two coming up.

I want a cat

My husband is allergic.

Will watch with baited breath how cat can be acquired.

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FishermansDaughter January 22, 2009 at 9:03 am

On the edge of my seat – this outta be GOOD

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The Dental Maven January 22, 2009 at 10:17 am

And then, and then and then???

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Pamela January 22, 2009 at 10:50 am

i smell a story that ends up with multiple cats. and also a husbandrinka who turns out to be a real, uh, pussy lover.

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Smart A$$ Mom January 22, 2009 at 10:50 am

Did Petco reject you because your mom said something crude about kids with lice and the little adoption lady was late to work because HER kid had lice????

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Lana January 22, 2009 at 11:13 am

My God woman! You can’t leave me hanging like this!Now get back here and finish your story!!!

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cw2smom January 22, 2009 at 11:13 am

Good Lord, you didn’t need to go to Petco and PAY to adopt one. We have 4 and I would have shipped one or two to you overnight! Arrrggggghh! I don’t like cats very much anymore. I can’t wait to hear the rest of this story! LOL! Lisa

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jen January 22, 2009 at 11:13 am

YOU are worse than a soap opera.

really … illegitimate marriage proposals and shotgun weddings in pretend foreign countries and babies being born between sisters that had each other’s babies with each other’s dead husbands.

they have nothin’ on your teaser ending of the story about *the cat adoption*. i’m on the edge of my seat.

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Janet January 22, 2009 at 11:19 am

“Husbandrinka gave her a ring with sapphires.
“Fuck the cat!” Marinka thought.”

That line made me giggle.

“Yep.” (Disclaimer: lie.)”

That line made me fall out of my chair with laughter. You are freakin’ awesome.

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Magpie January 22, 2009 at 11:21 am

I want a cat. Two actually.

Anticipating your follow-up.

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Kirsten January 22, 2009 at 11:25 am

Can’t wait to hear the rest!

I gave up the best cat on the planet when I moved in with my now husband since he is deathly allergic to cats. At least I know if I ever want to get rid of him, all I need is a cat.

KIDDING!!!!

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Smartass Milf January 22, 2009 at 11:26 am

Damn you!!! How am I supposed to concentrate on work when all I am thinking about is your cat situation??? I need vodka. Stat.

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MommyTime January 22, 2009 at 11:28 am

As an inveterate dog lover and cat-allergy sufferer, I’m itching for YOU to get a cat. Haha. I know, my puns suck. Whatever. I also really want to know how this story ends, especially after the tantalizing tweets the other day.

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blognut January 22, 2009 at 11:35 am

I MUST know what happened next….

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K January 22, 2009 at 11:35 am

I have two cats.

They were my idea.

I think they are working for the devil (at least part time).

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Debbie January 22, 2009 at 11:48 am

Leaving us hanging? That’s just mean.

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Kristine January 22, 2009 at 12:05 pm

We have 2 cats. They peed on our couch. We couldn’t get the smell out and had to throw the couch away. The cats now live outside. They’re lucky if I remember to feed them once a day.

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*Akilah Sakai* January 22, 2009 at 12:06 pm

Uh-oh!
*waiting impatiently for Part II*

I want a feline as well, a lion or tiger cub! But only if it’s growth can be stunted so I’m not accidently eaten in the middle of the night.

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Irish Gumbo January 22, 2009 at 12:15 pm

There is either blood or kittens in the future. Maybe (probably) both!

Don’t leave us hanging, you minx 🙂

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StatMama January 22, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Catrinka?

I love cats. They’re anti-social like me! HAHA!

I am anxiously awaiting part II of this story!

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Scary Mommy January 22, 2009 at 12:23 pm

What the hell happened next!?????

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Ann's Rants January 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Take my fucking cats. I mean it. I just spent $1000 to find out one of them preferred canned food. That could’ve gone towards a nice jewel-encrusted 10th anniversary gift.

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Trix in the City January 22, 2009 at 12:36 pm

I went to adopt a cat last year… came home with two… they told me there was a 2 for 1 special. Guess what… there's still a 2 for 1 special!

Side note: There's no way I could have split the brother & sister team up anyway!

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heartatpreschool January 22, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Can not wait to hear the rest of this story!

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Cindy January 22, 2009 at 12:45 pm

Damn to be continued!

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Domestic Goddess (In Training) January 22, 2009 at 12:48 pm

On edge of my seat…

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OHmommy January 22, 2009 at 1:00 pm

Tease.

What the heck happened? 😉 What happened?

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peajaye January 22, 2009 at 1:06 pm

i am not surprised at all by your cliff-hanging tactics, marinka, because as you probably know, this is how all the great russian novels were written. as serials. so now that i have you nodding wildly in agreement with my assessment of your brilliance, you probably want to privately email me the rest of your story, just so that i can proofread it.

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geelizzie January 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm

We started out with one cat and now we have six-be careful out there!

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ShallowGal January 22, 2009 at 1:08 pm

That “I want another baby” line usually gets me what I want.

xoxo, SG

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iMommy January 22, 2009 at 1:13 pm

Cats are evil.

iMommy hates cats.

iDaddy is allergic to cats.

Our children will have dogs.

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Andrea's Sweet Life January 22, 2009 at 1:27 pm

When I was 16, about 10 years into asking for a cat, I told my parents that most girls my age who wanted something to love just went out and got pregnant, all I wanted was a cat.

I got the cat. And now she’s 15 years old and drools on my head while I sleep.

And also? Cliffhangers = pure evil.

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Heinous January 22, 2009 at 1:54 pm

You need to try and convince him that you were the one that didn’t want the cat and get another ring for your magnanimosity. (holy shit, that’s actually a word)

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Sonya January 22, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Evil plot to get readers out of their feed readers and into your comments?

The suspense is killing me….

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Insta-mom January 22, 2009 at 2:07 pm

My sister-in-law is violently allergic to cats. I really want to get one. My mom won’t let me.

Yes, I’m a rotten kid.

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Paula January 22, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I bet you wound up with more than one cat. And possibly you adopted a retired greyhound and also came home with some rodenty thing in a cage.

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Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub January 22, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Well, I’m on the edge of my seat to find out what calamity befell you all at the Petco. I can smell disaster a mile away and there is a strong wind coming off this post.

Except for the diamonds and sapphires part. That part was all good. 🙂

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Maura January 22, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Like a cat, Marinka does things on her own schedule. She cares not if people are dying to hear the rest. She’ll get around to it when she damned well pleases. Marinka will do well relating to a cat. If she ever gets one, that is.

Me, I’ve already got a cat and live with yet another. I know about waiting until cats are damned good and ready. I’ll be back for the rest. Maybe.

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Cathy January 22, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Awesome!

I know! I know!

you got more jewelry!

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Coffee with Cathy January 22, 2009 at 2:33 pm

Great bargaining techniques! Can’t wait for Part No. 2.

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake January 22, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Oh lovely. Suspense! It goes great with my PMS-induced constipation. Talk about suspense.

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Julia@SometimesLucid January 22, 2009 at 3:08 pm

Did you come home with a dog instead? The kids and I are working on the husband for a dog!

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HoodChick January 22, 2009 at 3:37 pm

A friend of mine has a “cat” – actually it is part lynx. It has a stub for a tail. And it’s pshyco. It bites, scratches and chews things up. I’m glad I had nice, sweet siamese.

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TMCPhoto January 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm

come now, this is just too cruel, leaving us all hanging, nay I say jonesing for another hit…

We’ll be moving into a place that allows one cat, and the toddler who pretends to be a kidden on a daily basis will soon be able to torment a kidden whenever she can lay her chubby hands on him or her.

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phd in yogurtry January 22, 2009 at 4:00 pm

I smell a puppy?

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SweetPeaSurry January 22, 2009 at 4:40 pm

I’ll have to come back to view the picture, can’t see it here at work, anxious to know what it’s all about though!

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Momo Fali January 22, 2009 at 4:59 pm

I am scared of cats. I mean, a REAL, live phobia. My husband wants one, my daughter wants one, but I would need serious meds to live with one of those things.

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Jeanne January 22, 2009 at 5:34 pm

You are a deeply devious and cunningly conniving woman. I like that about you!

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Beth January 22, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story. When will this be continued?

I hate waiting anxiously. Now I’ll never get any sleep.

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selphie January 22, 2009 at 6:43 pm

What happened next?!?!?!?!

You are so mean.

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Tooj January 22, 2009 at 7:03 pm

I sincerely hope your “next” didn’t involve in the cat pissing all over the carpet. Like mine did. Crazy ass cat.

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the mama bird diaries January 22, 2009 at 7:56 pm

And what????

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Threeboys1mommy January 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm

Let me start by saying no one appreciates EZ to Read Format more than I do… and I’m starting to believe that gem encrusted animal piece from your previous post is a part of your private collection.

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Z January 30, 2009 at 7:31 am

bwahaha – and what I want to know is, how much money did you bribe your little mini-me with? Or did you resort to slipping in a hypnotist to her room to put the idea in her mind while she was asleep? 😉

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