Cool Mom

by Marinka on October 14, 2011

I’ve always prided myself on being a Cool Mom.

A mom who the kids see as more of a pal than an authority figure. An older pal, maybe, but a pal nonetheless.

And I’m always looking for ways to up my coolness.

Like the other day Kelcey and I were emailing each other and she responded to something that I wrote with “Coolio.” Immediately, I put that catchy phrase in my arsenal of words that I can spring on the kids, preferably when they’re surrounded by their friends, to impress them.

I’m not even going to tell you about the time I impressed my 17 year old stepson by approving a later curfew for him and when he texted a “thanks, cool”, I responded with “and The Gang!” The reason that I’m not going to tell you about that is because I don’t want to intimidate you with my coolness more than I already have.

And yesterday my daughter and I had to take the subway to the Upper West Side, and when it was time to get off the train, I said “come on, Dora!”

She looked at me with that “OMG, I can’t believe this cool woman is my mom!” expression and said “why are you calling me Dora?”

So I had to explain that “Dora” was short for “Come on, Dora, vamanos! Backpack! Backpack!” and then sang the song to impress her more.

She was so happy she didn’t even say anything!

But cool points? I has ’em. (<-- cool talk) And that's why it was such a shock yesterday when the children told me that all things being equal, they'd just as soon that I dropped dead. Well not in so many words, but the message came through loud and clear. See, when they go out without me, I ask them to text me when they get to their destination. And they usually do. Except sometimes they're in a rush, and will accidentally text someone else instead. And then I don't get a text and I worry-- where are they? Why didn't they text? And that kind of worry is really eating into my cool vibe. To counter this problem, I devised a system. They text me, and then I text them back, so as to confirm that I received the text. And I'd usually add a little loving something. Like have a nice day! or Love you, honey!

How adorable is that of me?

“Can you stop sending those annoying texts?” they asked me, but in a sort of demanding tone. “They’re so stupid.”

“They’re cool,” I explained. Because children must be guided.

“They’re dumb. And I never even read them,” Young Ladrinka told me.

“Yeah, I just delete them, and they’re taking away my monthly texting,” my lovely daughter piped in.

“Are you seriously saying that you’d rather text with your friends about Glee than to get a fun text from your Cool Mom?”

“Duh.”

“That doesn’t even make sense. You must be running a fever.”

“If you don’t stop, I’m going to block you.”

“Me too.”

“What is this, Soviet Russia?” I threw some history at them. “I will not be censored.”

“I have no idea what you’re even talking about. And no one else’s mom sends them annoying texts.”

“That’s because other people’s mothers don’t love them,” I explained. “But don’t tell them that because some people are touchy about that shit.”

“And don’t curse. It’s rude.”

“It’s cool. Cursing is cool.”

“I don’t like it,” Young Ladrinka said.

“It’s blech,” my daughter insisted.

“Fine, no cursing. But in exchange I want to text.”

“Once in a while. Like once a month.”

“How about I text once a week and no potty talk.”

“Done.”

“Coolio.”

“What?”

“I said, coolio.”

“I thought we said no cursing.”

“Coolio is not cursing. Coolio is cool.”

“…”

“…”

“OMG, mom, did you just text me?”

Kids today.

They’re not as cool as I am.

One year ago ...

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Marta
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 10:12 am

I actually frequently say “coolio” to people. I think its pretty damn cool.

Reply

hokgardner
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 10:36 am

My oldest has reached the age where it is sooooo easy to embarrass her. Like this morning at school as we were waiting for the Fun Walk to begin and I started dancing and singing to the Bee-Gees on the stereo.

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Christina October 14, 2011 at 11:01 am

My 8-year-old daughter hasn’t reached the age where I’m not cool yet, but I have a feeling it’s coming, and fast. Until then, all those other posers can suck it cuz I’m the coolest, yo.

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cranky old man
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 11:34 am

There is an age where it becomes “cool” to hate your parents. It is theie job to leave the nest, this is their preperation. Sorry, you will not be cool again for at least 10 years. Then I am guessing you will be “super cool”.

Give em a little space, (they willtake it anyway)
Oh yes, yery nice, very funny post. I thought it was “COOL”

The Cranky Old Man

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leanne October 14, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Loved the “Come on, Dora!” Then I had the song running through my head over and over (my 3 year old daughter is a HUGE Dora fan — in fact, she frequently tells me that she IS Dora. So she’d like it if I said “Come on, Dora!”).

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Dora. The epitome of coolio-ness, no? No. Not really. Love this.

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Becky
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I cuss and my kids think it’s cool. Obviously a genetic defect. (their’s, not mine)

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Kara October 14, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Oh no! My coolness must be fading because I don’t know the Come On Dora song!!!

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Alexandra
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Oh my god.

“What is this soviet russia? because I will not be censored”

I have got to come up with a way in a conversation somehow today to work that phrase in.

KILLER.

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awesome dude October 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Children see our shortcomings and anxieties as nobody else and at some point they naturally start feeling superior.

As our worries are total “nothing” for them we are becoming “not cool”.

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Deb October 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm

*Laugh*

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
October 14, 2011 at 7:38 pm

You see, “coolio” is so not cool that by using it, you are super cool.

I’m sure your kids will back me up on this.

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Deborah J October 14, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Haaa! Now to add some science to the funny.
I got my aussie copy of National Geographic yesterday. Front Page story…The new Science of the Teenage Brain.
I read it immediately… ‘caus it can’t be me right?…it must be my teenagers brain.
Apparently it isn’t possible to even appear to be cool or fun to your teenagers. Their risk taking, attitudes and lack of response to authority….are normal! It is their brains way of preparing them for life and helping them leave the nest.
Good to know.

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Deborah J October 14, 2011 at 8:22 pm

My 17 year old wants to help.
She advises that no-one uses the word cool any more. That if she used it in conversation it would be heavy with sarcasm and mockery, symbolic of an antiquated generation who have messed up the world.
Yes, she said that…I’m so proud.

Her word of choice is …awesome.

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Magpie October 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Um, I was reading in Google Reader and there was an ad for, um, a Christian single dating site. I is confused.

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Ado October 14, 2011 at 10:45 pm

This was tres coolio, Dora.
And exceptionally funny —> thanks for the honesty, it gave me such a laugh. (-:

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Lady Jennie October 15, 2011 at 9:00 am

Great. Now I’ll be singing “backpack, backpack” all day.

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Anna Lefler
Twitter:
October 15, 2011 at 10:33 am

Here, you can use one of my cool mom terms: “whack.”

As in, “That is whack.”

I have no idea what it means, but it has the satisfying effect of momentarily stunning my kids whenever I say it.

You’re welcome.

Reply

The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
October 15, 2011 at 10:48 am

I, for one, loved your Dora reference. But that’s just the stage I’m at in life.

Also, I might have said, “Cool beans” the other day and embarrassed myself.

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Scottsdale Girl
Twitter:
October 17, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I say ‘coolio’ alla time. However I had one too many adult beverages one night and got fixated on whether it is ‘coolio’ or ‘cool,yo”. That’s what happens when you watch too much Breaking Bad. Damn Jesse.

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Catherine
Twitter:
October 18, 2011 at 10:19 pm

I texted my daughter this: “Your mom be dope, yo.”

She didn’t get it. But that’s because she’s not as cool as me.

Reply

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