by Marinka on February 23, 2012

I went to see my dentist today. It did not go well. Mid-cavity-filling visit, I made an announcement:

Marinka: I am feeling pain.

Dentist: You are not feeling pain.

Marinka: I am feeling pain and discomfort and I demand to see the Patient’s Bill of Rights.

Dentist: You have no rights. Stop talking.

Marinka: I do not feel respected as a patient and human being.

Dentist: If you want to be respected as a human being, stop being huge pain in ass.

Marinka: I know my rights.

Dentist: And I know mine. I am referring you to a different dentist.

Marinka: Why? Don’t refer me out!

Dentist: You are what we call “difficult patient”.

Marinka: I can’t go to another dentist. I can’t and I won’t.

Dentist: ..and you have an unpleasant personality in dental chair. Very unpleasant.

Marinka: Give me another chance!

Dentist: I’ll think about it.

Marinka: Thank you, Mama. I love you!

Dentist: I love you too, Marinka. But I don’t envy the dentist who treats you after I’m gone.

Marinka: Why?

Dentist: Because you are pain in ass.

One year ago ...

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Brandy @ Momwich
February 23, 2012 at 12:13 pm

After all the work I’ve had done in the past week, I wish my mama was a dentist!


joeinvegas February 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You do sound like a difficult patient.


meekasmommy February 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

that’s exactly how my conversation with a dentist would go… if i ever went to the dentist. but i don’t. because getting to see a dentist is an even bigger pain in the ass than the one i turn into in a dental office 😉


Tracy February 23, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Wait, mama is a dentist?

Who knew you have a brilliant papa AND a brilliant mama?


NDK February 23, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I didn’t know this, either!


February 24, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Nor I…but midway through I was thinking, this sure does sound like Mama.


February 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

“unpleasant personality in dental chair” is definitely a DSM-IV diagnosis. Wait, do medical jokes work? I don’t know any dental ones.


February 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm

If my mom was a dentist, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near my mouth. She has what your dentist calls an “unpleasant personality”.


Magpie February 23, 2012 at 7:09 pm

But does she hand out tiaras when you get a crown?


the mama bird diaries
February 23, 2012 at 9:02 pm

i’m a pain in the ass even at a cleaning. i hate the dentist. But not your mama.


February 23, 2012 at 10:22 pm

My friend was, I kid you not, fired as a patient by her dentist. For being non-compliant. But mostly for being a difficult patient.


February 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I want to know how you could talk at all? I think they put 245 instruments in our mouths during the appointment to take away our rights to protest.


ladyday February 23, 2012 at 11:57 pm

How did I not know we had this (free dental care) in common? FIL and BIL are both dentists, MIL a dental hygienist. So I’m guessing you made this blog in honor of February being National Dental Health Month, right?


February 24, 2012 at 7:50 am

How do I marry into your family?


ladyday February 24, 2012 at 11:45 am

Oh it gets better. Not only free dental care for life, but both my kids got free orthodontia from the ortho my FIL refers patients to as a “professional courtesy”. We were shocked! Thought we’d get a discount of some sort, but not totally free. I married well, LOL!


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes February 24, 2012 at 7:11 am

I’m amazed by the fact that you manage to speak during the appointment. Most of the time I get no further then indistinct troath sounds.


Mo February 24, 2012 at 8:04 am

I hope being a pain in the ass didn’t mean you forfeited your sticker.


Mommy Shorts
February 24, 2012 at 9:21 am

Is your mother seriously a dentist? I don’t know if that is incredible fortune or a ridiculous form of parental torture. Either way, I have “unpleasant personality in dental chair” too. It’s an incurable affliction.


Awesome Dude February 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

In her defense, she is a good dentist.


February 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I kind of abhor the dentist. I go, begrudginly as an adult.But as a child I was definitely “unpleasant”, I may or may not have bit the dentist, more than once.


February 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I LOVE the dentist. If my mom was a dentist? My teeth might be nubs because I would be in that chair EVERY WEEK demanding a thorough cleaning.

Actually, I LOVED my old dentist, who is Iraqi, and she would always end our visit by saying, “We’ll see you in 6 weeks, inshallah [god willing]” which always kind of tickled me.

I LIKE my new dentist kind of o.k. fine, but I’m tempted to break up with him and go back to my old dentist. Inshallah.


Roxanne February 24, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I was always terrified of dentists. I bit one. He was Kristi Yamaguchi’s dad. Which makes me think that Mama may have been bitten by someone’s bratty little kid too.

Sorry Mama.

My current dentist is nice though. He thanks me for everything. “Can you open your mouth a bit wider? Thank you.” “Thank you for letting us take some x-rays.”

Did I say nice? I meant nice in a creepy sort of way.


dusty earth mother February 24, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Could your parents be more freakin’ amazing?


February 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

There is a picture at the bottom of this post in my reader–of a particularly lovely set of teeth. I honestly thought you’d posted a picture of your mouth on this blog post until I clicked over here and realized that must just be an ad. But I came here to tell you that you had beautiful teeth. 🙂


Kara February 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

I was concerned for you and wondering just what kind of dentist would ever talk so harshly to her patients until I learned the dentist is your mother, and then it all made sense.


February 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm

My mom could never be my dentist. First of all, she has no dental training, but second, she’s the type to start crying if I’m ever in pain. And dentistry through tears is just too dangerous.


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