Dinnertime Conversation

by Marinka on June 19, 2012

Excuse me, but please settle a dispute for me.

When your parents come over for dinner, do you take them aside  and say “so nice to see you. Let us all eat together. If you could please steer clear of the following topics,that would be the cherry on the cake!”  Or do you assume that they will know not to mention certain things.

Last month, while Mama was enjoying a visit to Russia to visit her sister, Papa came over to our house for a festive birthday dinner for my stepson.  He’s 18.  My stepson, not Papa.

We were dining and being all festive when Papa suddenly shared some news.

“You know that cannibal in Florida?” he asked.

“What cannibal in Florida?” some of us asked, thinking that we were being set up for a great joke.

“The cannibal in Florida that had some bath salts and then bit a person’s face,” I explained because I’m all newsy, practically Dan Rather.

“Why would someone do that?” the youngsters in the family exclaimed. Although they didn’t exclaim it in concert, it’s hard to keep who said what straight.

“Because drugs are very dangerous and make you do disgusting things,” I mothered them some more and crossed the “poison children’s minds against drugs” off my  To Do list.

“Did he have drugs? I thought you said he had a bath.”

“Some people who can’t afford drugs use bath salts,” Papa suddenly was offering drug money saving tips.

My kids were more confused than ever.  They’d never seen bath salts. I’d even banned Mr. Bubble from our home because I was convinced he was responsible for urinary tract infections. Plus I didn’t want my children bathing with anyone called Mr. Not even a pink Mr.

“The cannibal who ate the homeless man,” Papa continued, “they did an autopsy and he did not have human tissue in his stomach. So technically, he is not a cannibal.”

This was not a good joke.

“But in his defense, he did have human tissue between his teeth.  So I like to call him a budding cannibal.”

The children chewed their non-human dinner and considered this.

You’d think that Papa’s talk would suppress some appetites, but I am happy to report that we all managed to have cake.

 

________________________

Visit me at Babble! I’m all sentimental about Young Ladrinka and baseball and all judgmental about people who spank their kids. And just plain mental, guest posting at Dusty Earth Mother’s!

 

One year ago ...

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Awesome Dude June 19, 2012 at 11:15 am

So, technically, he could not evolve into the full fledged cannibal as the police killed him.

These are small technical things but they help us to understand the beauty of human nature.

Reply

alaina
Twitter:
June 19, 2012 at 11:25 am

My stomach just churned, a lot. And I’m not eating dinner.

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christy June 19, 2012 at 11:33 am

OMG the line about him offering drug money saving tips made me laugh so hard I scared my baby in my lap! HA!

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Cy
Twitter:
June 22, 2012 at 1:01 am

Me, too! Except for the baby part.

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
June 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Drug money saving tips! I love finding more ways to save for college.

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Loukia June 19, 2012 at 2:19 pm

I cannot stop laughing. Maybe it’s because I’m used to ridiculously inappropriate dinner conversations when my children are around, too. My mom is like that… “DID YOU KNOW A PLANE CRASHED TODAY AND EVERYONE DIED?” And my kids are just like… well, you know. Craziness.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
June 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm

It could have been worse. It could have devolved into a full “Spit or Swallow” discussion, no?

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dusty earth mother June 20, 2012 at 7:07 am

Lordy, I love Papa. And thanks a million times for guesting on my blog, you ridiculously busy and sought-after woman. xxoo

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes June 20, 2012 at 7:14 am

Your papa should meet mine. Honestly they’d get along wonderfully. They can even talk russian together (my papa studied it at college and speaks Tsjech). He too is King and Kaiser of the unfortunate dinner conversation, such as discussing children who died on their first day in day care the day before our eldest had her first day in day care. That was a truly wonderfull dinner…

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Marta
Twitter:
June 20, 2012 at 9:28 am

Lol, that news story was beyond disgusting. I read it and lost my appetite and I wasn’t even eating at the time. Good to know you’d all keep your manners for dinner at Hannibal’s. =)

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Alexandra June 20, 2012 at 10:07 am

“drug money saving tips.”

You make me laugh, Marinka.

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Arieloser June 20, 2012 at 10:19 am

My husband called me the morning of this news report.
Him: “Hon, there was some guys in Florida running around naked and eating each others faces off!”
Me: “What? Is it like a colt thing?”
Him:”No, they ate bath salts…”
Me:”Wtf… Get back to work. I’ll see you when you get home.”
Me, thinking while eating my bowl of cereal : “I hope Bath and Bodyworks has a sale when they go out of business.”

See, news always gets effed up when men are retelling the story.

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