Doctor Math

by Marinka on May 10, 2011

I had to see a dermatologist recently (you should probably start worrying now, don’t waste a moment thinking that I could possibly be anything but in Mortal Danger!) because I had a blemish on my nose and Papa recommended that I see his doctor and after I made an appointment, I realized that I had no idea where in Queens the office is or how to get there.

“Don’t worry,” Papa told me. “Take the subway to Continental Avenue and I’ll pick you up and drive you to the doctor’s office.”

“Thank you,” I told him, taking care to be extra polite in case I’m about to Meet My Maker and the whole “honor thy parent” wasn’t tongue in cheek. “How long is the ride from Continental Avenue to the office?”

“Ten minutes,” Papa tells me. Which is his response to the time it takes to travel between any two places. Auschwitz to Mars? Ten minutes.

“My appointment’s at 2:30, so I’ll meet you at 2:15?”

“Let’s meet at 1:30,” he told me.

“Why 1:30?” I asked, hoping for a “delicious lunch, of course!” answer.

But I’m not so lucky.

“Because things take time,” he said. And then explained that his initial response was taking the best possible circumstances and most favorable conditions into account. It did not take into account things like subway delay, traffic and Godzilla stomping on the cars of Queens.

We finally settled on 2 and everything went fine.

Well, I’m still waiting for the biopsy results. The biopsy results from the skin on MY NOSE.

So until further notice, no “no skin off my nose” comments.

One year ago ...

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 10:14 am

I just thought of six nose jokes.

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Marinka May 10, 2011 at 10:35 am

*Sniff*

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Megan May 10, 2011 at 10:34 am

Well techinically it’s not skin…

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Marinka May 10, 2011 at 10:36 am

OMG. I’m sitting here on my death bed, I mean, death chair, and I’m being mocked.

Good call, though.

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Susan May 10, 2011 at 11:17 am

If the results are positive and a removal procedure is necessary, ask for Mohs surgery. The amount of tissue removed is controlled by immediate microscopic examination of each layer that is removed. I had a lesion removed from my forehead a couple of years ago and I’m very glad that this was recommended to me. The size of the area that had to be removed was larger than the appearance of the blemish, and the scar is not usually seen unless it’s pointed out and is invisible with light makeup. Good luck.

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Marinka May 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Thank you!

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Barbara May 10, 2011 at 11:46 am

Please e mail me for my Mohs surgeon’s name and the Dr who did my plastics after the Mohs (and yes sometimes you do need a super plastics fellow to stitch you up) I had Mohs twice last year for basal cell and now consider my self semi-knowledgeable. The first office here only said “bring lunch you might be here awhile” so I drove myself (big mistake).The second time around I went into Manhattan after asking friends, etc and found a super Mohs surgeon and a great nose/plastics Dr at the Eye, Nose and Throat hospital for the fancy stitching. All the best!

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Marinka May 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Thanks! I tried emailing, but my email was cruelly rejected.

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A Mommy in the City
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Hope everything comes back okay!!!

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Suniverse
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Fingers crossed for an excellent biopsy result. And in the meantime, if you have 10 minutes, your dad can take you on vacation.

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Suzy
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 3:03 pm

I had something removed from my arm a few years ago. I went in for my FACE and the Dermo grabbed my arm and scrutinized it like he was trying to tell the difference between 18 and 22 carat gold.

He mentioned the Biopsy part and I waited a week only to be told that it was a good thing they removed it when they did because it was pre-cancerous. I WENT IN FOR MY FACE.

I hate all doctors.

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tracey May 10, 2011 at 7:23 pm

You suck all the fun out of EVERYthing!

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Ilana
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 8:19 pm

If necessary, I have found you the perfect band aid: http://bit.ly/jheyzF

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Kati
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 8:49 pm

OH MY GOSH!

Wait…are Voldemort jokes okay?

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Peajaye
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Is “biopsy” the new “deviated septum”?

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Good luck!

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Lu
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Who “nose” you might get some funny jokes out of this. I cringed at that one. Sorry. Hope you’re doing ok and that you found the car ride with papa enjoyable.

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tracy
Twitter:
May 10, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I hope everything is okay. Also, how long did the car trip take exactly?

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
Twitter:
May 11, 2011 at 7:35 am

hahaha…i wrote something similar to this the other week but fortunately, a dermatologist lives near me and i ran into her and she checked it out.

It took, i think, only 10 minutes. hahaha

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Alexandra
Twitter:
May 11, 2011 at 8:28 am

I hope it’s all OK.

I had to go in 2 summers ago for a tiny pre basal cell I found under my eye that they got with a lasar that felt like a snapping rubber and. OUCH.
I couldn’t believe it.

The big myth about skin damage: that it happens only in exposed areas.

This was under my eye.

I LIVE in black as night big as bat sunglasses because I don’t like people.

Well, online I do…but in my real life, not really.

BEST OF LUCK!!

Also: the Dr said if it were anything really significant, he would recommend Mohs. Gets to all the layers till it shows clear, no signs.

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Barbara May 11, 2011 at 8:32 am

Sorry about the e mail rejection, my hotmail is sending out invitations for male enhancement and I have deleted everyone in my contact list. People tend to block me now because of that nasty little bug I have in the hotmail. Cannot seem to fix it.
I will put these two names out for all the world to see in regards to Mohs surgery. Dr Leonard Bernstein is excellent for the Mohs surgery and Dr. Anthony Sclafani for the plastic reconstruction was amazing. Both are in Manhattan and Dr. Sclafani is at the Eye, Ear and Nose Institute as well as other places. Hope this help and all goes well for you if you do need the Mohs. Lots of ice on it if you need the surgery and you will be fine. Barbara

ps Don’t expect your husband to take you out any time soon after the surgery as you will probably have a black eye or two, mine recoiled in horror when asked to take me to the mall.

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annie May 11, 2011 at 10:22 am

Wait, I thought the saying was “no skin off my ass”….can we make jokes about that? Or maybe I just learned it that way from my mom because she’d rather swear whenever she can.

Tell you what, if anything comes back positive, I’ll fly out and buy you drinks. Deal?

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dusty earth mother May 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm

And it’s such a cute nose, I hope they didn’t take too much of it. By the way, best line ever: ‘in case I’m about to Meet My Maker and the whole “honor thy parent” wasn’t tongue in cheek.’

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pam May 12, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Man! you ruin everything!!! Why’d you have to write that last sentence?

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Kim
Twitter:
May 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm

Good luck to you. I’ve been poked and prodded and examined in ways that typically require at least 3 dates first (as well as a good bottle of red wine) over the last year, so I can relate to where you are right now. Hoping for the best.

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