Fake My Blog!

by Marinka on January 6, 2010

Hi!  Thanks for stopping by today!  I am going to tell you about an exciting new business adventure.  Or maybe venture!  Ready? Let’s begin!


Have you considered giving up blogging, the one thing that makes you happy, in order to “protect” your family?

Welcome to Fake My Blog!

Fake My Blog! is a revolutionary concept that lets you continue blogging without traumatizing your children.

Sure, some may think that it’s based on a lie, but we prefer to think of it as “protecting the children”.  And what could be more wholesome than that?

If you are a mom who started blogging “for herself”, only to realize months or years later that your kids are showing an interest in your blog, you are faced with a dilemma.

Do you quash their interest and send them to their room?  Or do you let them read your blog?

We at Fake My Blog! will spare you this Sophie’s Choice.  Because we believe that neither of these solutions is practical, or healthy.  As a matter of fact, we believe that these approaches are wrong and damaging.  Even dangerous.

Let’s take a look.

“Mommy, I keep hearing you talk about your blog, and I’m so curious!  Can I take a look?”

“NO. Go to your room.”

Cons:  Stifles a child’s natural curiosity. Makes a child feel like if they have something to talk to you about, you are not available.  Puts up artificial walls between you and your child.  Later on, when your child wants to approach you regarding peer pressure (be it about smoking cigarettes, drugs or sexual activity, first base through home run), she will remember how unreceptive you were and turn elsewhere.

Now let’s examine the other option:
“Mommy, I keep hearing you talk about your blog, and I’m so curious! Can I take a look?”
“Of course!  Let me send you the link!”

Cons:  Irreparable psychic scars when your child learns such facts like:

* mommy has an internal countdown-to-bedtime clock from the moment that her little angels open their eyes!
* Do your darlings need to read how it’s only that 5 pm glass of Chardonnay that keeps mommy’s head out of the oven?
* Isn’t it too early to expand their motherfucking vocabulary?

Looks hopeless, doesn’t it?

That’s where Fake Your Blog! comes to the rescue.

For a reasonable rate, we will review  portions of your blog and create a fake facsimile that will satisfy the little curiosities without exposing you as a real, living human being who doesn’t adore every mind-numbing moment of motherhood.  This will allow you to focus on your own blog and preserve its integrity, while we worry about the blog that your children will access.

Want to know more? Why not peruse our Frequently Asked Questions!

Q:  I started my blog so that I could share it with my children. The lows as well as the highs.  Isn’t it good for my children to read about my disappointments as well as my joys with motherhood?

A:  Yes, perhaps.  If you are living in bizzaro-world. Erma Bombeck said it best–A child would prefer his mother in the next room, slitting her wrists, than out of the home pursuing a satisfying career.

There will be a time to be honest with your kids. But not in their formative years, for god’s sake.  When they are out of the house, and have their own mental health coverage.

Q:  Doesn’t the whole Fake Your Blog! concept encourage lying?
A:  Yes.

Q:  And isn’t that wrong?
A; Let’s think back to your last birthday party, shall we?  What did you turn, 31? 43? 27?  And when your little darlings gathered around to wish you a happy birthday, did you say “thank you!” or did you say “Yeah, I’m one year closer to death now”?    We bet that you didn’t utter the death line, because while it was true, it was more truth than most children can handle.  That’s what Fake Your Blog! is.  It’s Just Enough Truth.

Q:  Won’t my kids resent me when they find out that my blog was fake?
A:  Who cares?  Remember how they found out that there was no Santa? And no Easter Bunny?  This will be very similar.  It will be a rite of passage and you will laugh about it together.  A bonding moment, if you will.

Q:  I don’t know.  This seems so…wrong.
A:  At  Fake Your Blog! we don’t believe in right or wrong.  We believe in protecting children.  Because they are innocent. Unlike your blog.

What are you waiting for? Don’t let this wonderful opportunity pass you by! Sign up with Fake My Blog! today.

One year ago ...

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather (qtberryhead) January 6, 2010 at 12:27 am

I love Erma Bombeck. I was reading her books while I was still in diapers…which explains my initial hesitation to become a mother.
It all makes sense now.

Reply

Kirsten January 6, 2010 at 2:10 am

Sign me up.

You really are a saint Marinka… always thinking of the children.

Reply

Susie January 6, 2010 at 6:31 am

Forget the kids. I need this for my in-laws.

Reply

Marinka January 6, 2010 at 9:48 pm

I’m afraid that in-laws are extra. Especially if there are two of them.

Reply

Donna January 6, 2010 at 8:15 am

I’m signing up. And I’d also like the parent package (which I’m assuming you could use, too, Marinka?).

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Vicki
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 8:38 am

I am a big fan of this. I’ve decided that when I have kids, I’m just going to tell them my blog is tuckermax.com until they’re too old not to Google.

Reply

Catherine
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 9:24 am

I love it! It’s genius. Sign me up too.
Now, can you do something about the journals I kept in college?

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Meg January 6, 2010 at 9:25 am

OMG – I love you! Does fake blog work for husbands too?

Reply

Birdie January 6, 2010 at 10:16 am

I love this idea so much, I’d sign up for it. And I don’t have a blog!

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Gray Matter Matters January 6, 2010 at 10:19 am

I love it. Although I just would tell my son that my blog is: Motherhoodinnyc.com Problem, she is solved.

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Ann's Rants January 6, 2010 at 10:35 am

This is Shark Tank material

Reply

Wendi
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 11:09 am

I fake everything else. Why not my blog?

Reply

Suzy Voices January 6, 2010 at 11:56 am

Absolutely. Sign me up!!

Reply

peajaye
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 12:41 pm

I don’t mean to be mean, but do you honestly think your daughter isn’t rolling her eyes and laughing with her friends right now, saying, “OMG, my mother is so lame. She actually thinks I need her permission to read her blog.”

Reply

Gretchen January 6, 2010 at 1:16 pm

I’d love a decoy blog to send the in-laws/born-again high school friends/parents from school I don’t really know/pain-in-the-ass neighbors so they don’t know what I really think, or that I say mean things about them behind their backs.

Reply

Sprite's Keeper
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 1:27 pm

If I sign up now, do I get free shipping and handling or maybe a free booklight so I can find my keys in the dark?
Do you take Visa?

Reply

MommyTime
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 2:09 pm

Does this offer come with six free steak knives? Because I could really use those. Ours are getting dull.

Reply

Wendy
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 5:00 pm

does the fake blog earn fake money? if so, i’m in! (cuz that’d be more than i’m making now!)

Reply

Casey January 6, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Genius. Where do I sign up? My kids would be horrified to read my “Bad Mommy Files” posts.

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K-Line January 6, 2010 at 8:01 pm

It’s official, you’re a fucking genius!

Reply

mosey along January 6, 2010 at 9:33 pm

I’m in.

I think this might be my first time commenting, although I’ve dipped my toe in your world once in a while, and always leave laughing. I hope that’s your intention because it worked.

Reply

blognut
Twitter:
January 6, 2010 at 10:50 pm

I kinda love you a little bit right now.

Reply

anymommy January 6, 2010 at 11:43 pm

I’m waiting for the two for one deal. If you could fake my blog and fake my life, I’d be all over it. Can I have a fake apartment on central park and a fake full time housekeeper and chef?

Reply

JulieBouf January 6, 2010 at 11:58 pm

I am willing to pay extra for it to cover my extended family and in-laws. I of course will expect a discount for not needing to go into the archives to make changes…just going forward. No need to filter for my kids though. I really don’t know that I would be doing them justice by not totally fucking them up at some point. It worked for my mom and it will work for me, damn it!

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 7, 2010 at 8:12 pm

How do you find the time in the day to be this brilliant? i will never know.

Reply

anna see January 7, 2010 at 9:12 pm

Totally on board with this one! Sign me up.

Reply

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