Going to BlogHer? Start Worrying!

by Marinka on March 26, 2010

If you’re going to BlogHer in New York City this year and haven’t started panicking about yet, you are wasting valuable time. Yes, I know that it’s not until August, but trust me, it’ll be here before you know it and then you’ll be all “why didn’t I listen to Marinka and pace out my panic?” and “Marinka was right about everything and now I’m screwed.”

Heed my warning.

You don’t want to go to BlogHer unprepared.
Others have tried and it was not pretty.

So, as a public service, I will tell you all the things that you need to worry about while preparing for the biggest blogging conference. Of course, this post is just Part One, so you’ll want to check back often for other body parts.

If this is your first blogging event, stick to worrying about safe topics like “what should I wear” and “how should I style my hair.” These are fantastic starter worries because you’ve probably nursed them from previous events in your life, so there are low start-up costs.

If you’ve been to a conference before, or feel like you need more of a challenge, why not flirt with worrying that you’ve put on a few pounds since last year? If you need encouragement, pick up a fashion magazine and remember that BlogHer is in August, so goodbye layers and burkas. Start losing weight!

Or, for you outside the box thinkers, why not pile on the pounds now and then plan to lose them by BlogHer ’11, Fiji, so that you can really wow them then? The hard work you put in now into your Sumo diet will really pay off in a year. Just ask Rene Zellweger.

Feeling traditional? Why not cop to the “I will know no one” worry. Don’t let the fact that you made friends last year deter you. It’s totally possible that the “friends” have moved on, made better friends and will totally ignore you. This is probably a good time to send those few “friends” a quick email to touch base. Something simple, like “we’re still best blog friends, right?” and “hey, let’s get matching necklaces so everyone will know that we’re together!” Sure, they may not respond right away, but that’s probably because they’re so touched by your thoughtfulness that they don’t know what to say. Why not send a follow up email? Something like “best friends forever”. Keep it up, and by BlogHer, your friendship will be good as gold.

Ok, so I have many more BlogHer tips that I will be sharing with you soon. Because I’m a giver. And my best blog friend blocked my email.

One year ago ...

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{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

Maria @BOREDmommy
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 9:37 am

Hilarious.

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Loukia March 26, 2010 at 9:39 am

Love it!

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Wendi
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 9:39 am

I’m telling you now that this year, I will NOT be wearing identical French braids with you again.

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christy March 26, 2010 at 9:41 am

Hysterical! I’m sure you’ve hit a nerve with lots of first timers! I was so worried last year – and then I got there and immediately ran into Kari and Kirsten and Stacey and Renee and then I even accidentally hugged you when I met you! HAHA! I can’t wait for August – it will be my first weekend without my husband and kids. I’m just hoping I don’t drink too much and make a fool of myself. But then again, that would provide good blog fodder wouldn’t it!

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Jackie
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 9:44 am

Haha, this list is great. I’m sticking with the classic, but how will I pack all those shoes worry.

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Carrie Anne
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 9:49 am

Crap, my hair and wardrobe too! I didn’t even think of those. Now I have to find something that co-ordinates with the paper bags I’m bring to hyperventilate in! Let the worrying begin!

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Nancy March 26, 2010 at 9:54 am

Necklaces? I thought we were going with bracelets this year! Damn. Now I have to find more beads.

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Ry Sal March 26, 2010 at 9:58 am

It’ll be my first time… isn’t it just a big party disguised as a conference? I fully expect to see women swinging from chandeliers as I enter.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 9:59 am

Friday nights BlogHer party is a “sleepover” theme.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 11:57 am

Came back to see if my comment went through. It did!

Wanted to let you know how dedicated of a MotherhoodinNYC reader I am – I left my first blackberry comment on your blog, from a doctor’s waiting room.

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alexandra
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:06 am

Now, this is sound advice. It all makes sense, I await further tips. Marinka, you are such the giver…

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Mariana March 26, 2010 at 10:13 am

Hilarious!! I’m looking forward to more tips 🙂

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Kimberly/Mom in the City March 26, 2010 at 10:23 am

You are so funny! Fortunately BlogHer is a subway ride away. If it gets to be too much, I’m just going home 🙂

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:26 am

Sorry – these are all trumped by my bug phobia worries. Hotel in New York City? Bedbug capital of the US? Forget it – I’ll sleep under the bridge instead.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:29 am

Bug phobia worries? What sort of English is that, anyway? I meant to say, bug phobias

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Sandy March 26, 2010 at 10:35 am

Wow…This is my first time going and I hadn’t even started to think about those things…uh-oh. Thanks, I think… 😉 Love it!!!

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Holly March 26, 2010 at 10:44 am

Not planning on going and thanks to this post- will probably never go. Sounds terrifying.

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Marinka March 26, 2010 at 10:47 am

Missing BlogHer? The stay tuned for my “Not Going To BlogHer? The Dangers of Being Left Behind” post.

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake March 26, 2010 at 4:02 pm

What’s life without danger?

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:48 am

Aren’t you worried what tidbits of brilliant advice we’re going to give out at ROYO?

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Issa
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:54 am

So what you’re telling me is that I’m not invited to the sleepover at your house? This is what I’m hearing. GAH Marinka. What did I ever do to you? I didn’t tell any of your secrets to the blogging community. Well yet at least.

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Ann's Rants March 26, 2010 at 11:21 am

Have you figured out your mascot yet? Everyone is bring their own mini-me avatar mascot. EVERYONE.

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Amber
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 11:45 am

What to wear worry – check
Lose weight worry – check
Will they like me worry – check

Looking forward to adding to the list, keep em coming!

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Miss Britt
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Is it too soon to start worrying about what parties you will or won’t get invited to? I missed out on the chance to stress about that last year and I do not want to make the same mistake again!

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Soccermom March 26, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Love the list. Too freakin funny. Wish I were going.

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Maggie, dammit March 26, 2010 at 4:13 pm

Perfect.

p.s. Did you get the necklace I sent?

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Zak March 26, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Oh the parties, I forgot about those, thanks Britt.

This was too funny!

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Amanda March 26, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Well worth the click…looking forward to the rest of the installments.

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Carol Schiller March 26, 2010 at 4:45 pm

This is hilarious. The lose weight now worry was classic! And I especially love how suburbancorrespondent added the bedbug worry.

Looking forward to meeting all you funny ladies when I come in for blogher. It’ll be so nice to have an excuse to visit my college town!

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AmazingGreis
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 4:51 pm

LMAO!!! Can’t wait til August…but now I’m worried that I’ve gained too much weight and that everyone will hate me this year. *sigh*

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LaMereJoie March 26, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Great. Now I am really worried! It’s my first conference. But if it doesnt go well, I can just hop on the train outta there. But I really hope someone will like me. And my hair.

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Scary Mommy
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Perfect.

And I’m digging your BlogHer ‘11 plan. I won’t get my hair colored this year or brush my teeth, gain 20 pounds… Next year? I’ll be the rage!!

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Terry March 26, 2010 at 5:24 pm

i’m almost 50 and still getting stress pimples.

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anna see March 26, 2010 at 5:29 pm

okay, you seriously freaked out this first timer. of course i was too late to get into the sessions, so apparently i’m a cocktail party and expo only girl!? that’s even worse, isn’t it??

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Miss Britt
Twitter:
March 27, 2010 at 2:28 pm

No way, that’s actually better. You don’t even have to bother pretending to care about the sessions! You get to wear your “I’m here to party and get free stuff!” badge with HONOR AND INTEGRITY!

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Jenniune March 26, 2010 at 6:16 pm

It’s like you are in my head?

Thank god. SOMEONE had to occupy the space.

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Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 6:40 pm

I was planning on dying my hair strawberry blonde as a tribute to you, but now you’ve given me all these other things to worry about! Thanks a f*ckload, “friend.”

p.s. If I don’t get a chance to karaoke this year, I am going to have a first class BlogHer-breakdown. We are talking Lindsay Lohan-sized breakdown.

p.p.s. That kind of sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

p.p.p.s. I mean watching someone ELSE have a breakdown like that. Not me.

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JulieBouf March 26, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Hello….did someone say karaoke?!?! I’ve actually NEVER been and I don’t know why I’m an XBOX American Idol goddess.

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JulieBouf March 26, 2010 at 9:52 pm

Hmmm punctuation would probably make my sentences more understandable huh

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Aunt Becky
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 8:31 pm

I don’t know you and I am not on a panel with you.

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Life with Kaishon March 26, 2010 at 9:23 pm

This actually made me want to come : )

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JulieBouf March 26, 2010 at 9:49 pm

Hi Marinka. We’re still best bloggy friends, right? RIGHT? I just hope that when you’re with other people you know you’ll still deign to talk to the little people (not little as in circumference, unfortunately. I think I like the Sumo diet plan, though.)

I’m way too much of a procrastinator to think about this yet. As it will be summer, I guess we’ll also have to worry about tan lines (or in my case is my sunburn peeling too much) and if $5 flip flops are too ghetto for BlogHer.

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Brilliant Sulk
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:07 pm

I’ve started on the cough drop and clam juice diet and fully expect to reach my goal weight of a healthy 68 1/2 pounds by August.

Yes, you will all with be incredibly jealous of me. See you there…

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Megan
Twitter:
March 26, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Thanks so much for that ever so valuable information!

So yea…um…I’m a newbie…will you be my friend?

Please oh, please oh, pleeaaassseee? I PROMISE I will only call you 3 x’s a day and email you once. PROMISE! Cross my heart!

Just kidding…but not really.

🙂

http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

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traci March 26, 2010 at 11:36 pm

I didn’t ‘block’ you as much as I just reject your commentary.

I will be there, that is unless I am not summering in a country where me and my family are separated by both thin walls and a language.

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anymommy March 27, 2010 at 12:25 am

I’m worrying about who’s going to sit on my bed and for how long and what if I get tired and I want her, er them, to leave and they won’t or what if I’m boring or I fall asleep while she’s there and I snore? It’s the little things.

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The Daver
Twitter:
March 27, 2010 at 9:04 am

What if you’re just the husband/roadie for a good blogger but you aren’t really that good of a blogger but you are going to be at BlogHer anyhow and WOW when you guys were in Chicago there sure were a LOT of you and maybe just maybe someone will like me? I’m nervous.

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MommyNamedApril
Twitter:
March 27, 2010 at 11:39 am

gaaaaaah!!!! i’m going… but maybe i will just sit in my room and order food for three days. *SO SCARED*

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vodkamom March 28, 2010 at 8:35 am

I am officially NOT EATING until August 5.

your BEST BEST BEST friend….

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minor catastrophes March 28, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Hey, thanks for the tips! As a complete newbie, I so appreciate them. In fact I just might be the only person from Montana at BlogHer. It will be like Crocodile Dundee goes to the Big City, only Montana style. Keep an eye out for me, will you? I’ll be the girl in the coon-skin hat trying to figure out how indoor plumbing works.

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Mary @ Holy Mackerel
Twitter:
March 29, 2010 at 8:51 pm

I am printing this and all further such posts and keeping them in a specially marked binder. I am not planning on going to BlogHer, although I would love to. But instead, in August, I will be camping in Algonquin Park, where I will be mauled by bears and large moose.

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melissa
Twitter:
April 2, 2010 at 7:32 am

oh crap, crap, crap. i forgot to start worrying. dang it. oh, ready, set…now…

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