Happy Nickiversary and Sad Bagel News

by Marinka on January 30, 2010

This weekend marks a one year anniversary of our beloved cat Nicki coming into our lives.

I had planned huge festivities.

For one, I was going to do a Nicki Year in Review recap, the highs and the lows, preferably set to music. I had mentally choreographed a scene where she and Husbandrinka ran towards each other with outstretched arms/paws, but then General Hospital was really riveting this week, so I didn’t have a lot of free time.

Then, I planned to do a photo retrospective, but then I saw this how-do-you-do from Heather, and I can’t compete with that shit.

The big surprise was going to be that I trained Nicki to be litter box-free through a 21-day-EZ program that I read about. Basically, every day, I had to elevate the litter box a few inches, until one day it’s eye to eye with the toilet (litter box eye to toilet eye, that is) and then the cat goes, “hmm…let me use the toilet instead!” and everyone is happy.

Except Nicki’s box kept falling off the stacked magazines which for some reason made everyone really cranky and Nicki poop next to the turned over litter box.

I consulted the book and saw my mistake. Apparently when the litter box on top of magazines was starting to resemble the Leaning Tower of Pisa, you’re supposed to replace the magazines with cinder blocks or bricks.

“Hey,” I asked Husbandrinka. “Do we have cinder blocks or bricks?”
“No,” said Husbandrinka. And then, as far as he was concerned, that was the end of the conversation.
A normal person would have dropped everything and ran outside screaming “Cinder blocks! I need cinder blocks!” until someone came to his aid, but not Husbandrinka. Because he doesn’t love me, like he promised before all our family and friends and God to.

But the final straw was when papa came over last week to watch Young Ladrinka who was enjoying a “stomach ache”. (More on this next week. As soon as my blood pressure stabilizes.)
Marinka, he emailed me. What is this meshugas in the bathroom with Nicki’s litterbox? She is very young still and doesn’t need torture. And then he mentioned that his mother, a psychiatrist in the former Soviet Union, would have committed a person who did such a thing to their pet to the Stupid House. I’m not sure that that was the formal name of the mental health asylums, but I felt that it was inappropriate to argue with him.

So, to celebrate the one year Nickiversary, I’ve dismantled Nicki’s leaning Tower of Pisa litter box and she’s using it again, like an animal.

In other important, news, remember Bagel Half? Well, I now officially miss Bagel Half. Because this afternoon, I looked at our fruit bowl and there was some kind of Bagel Fraction on it.

Hi, I'm Bagel Fraction! Nice to meet you!

“What the hell is this?” I asked Husbandrinka.
“I ate a little more of the bagel this morning,” he confessed.
“You have been eating exactly one half of the bagel for over two years,” I told him. “And I was going to photographically document in on my blog!” I didn’t tell him that I was hoping to win some kind of a blog Pulitzer for my efforts because I don’t like to jinx myself. Oh.

And now that’s ruined.
I just can’t catch a break.

Last bit of news. BlogHer ’10 is in August in NYC. I’ll be there, unless it falls on laundry day. And not only that, but some of my co-Mouthy Housewives and I and everyone’s favorite Aunt Becky have put together a proposal for a room, called Dear Abby 2.0: Giving Advice in the Blogosphere. It’s going to be fantastic, but we need your help. Just click here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session”. This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!

One year ago ...

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Maggie May January 30, 2010 at 3:37 pm

that bagel is hysterical


Rachel Cotterill January 30, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Well, you definitely made me laugh with the idea of the Leaning Tower of Litter. Fabulous. Also, I really want to know the story behind the half-a-bagel. I’m adding you to my reader so I’ll be back soon no doubt 🙂


Noelle January 30, 2010 at 6:30 pm

I think Bagel Fraction is much more mysterious and alluring. Plus, it will cost you less to mail the leftovers to former-New Yorkers around the world. I mean, here in Utah we have to eat Lender’s Bagelettes 🙁


JulieBouf January 30, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Wow, I can’t believe I’ve been reading your blog for over a year. It seems like just yesterday that your kids conned you into getting a kitten. I signed up for BlogHer last week. I’d love to attend the Mouthy Housewifes session!


Meg January 30, 2010 at 8:27 pm

Oh my God, I love you!


Maddnessofme January 30, 2010 at 11:42 pm

Am I the only one who is just going to go ahead and say it? What is that banana doing to that bagel?


January 31, 2010 at 3:24 am

That’s not bagel half or bagel fraction … that’s Bagel HALF MOON!!! Only to be served up with coffee doused with Half and Half and perhaps some type of non-sugar sugary substitute goodness, or maybe jam!!! I kind of like the way BHM sets quietly with the fruit … and perhaps it’ll keep the fruit fresher for longer, due to some complicated scientific formula for drying out the air near fruit or whatever!

I think I’m halfway in LOVE with Bagel Half Moon! We need some StarFruit next to it!


the mama bird diaries
January 31, 2010 at 8:44 am

This is why I don’t have animals. Because they act like animals.

And as for husbands, what is wrong with them? They can’t even be consistent in their annoying behavoirs!


January 31, 2010 at 9:04 am

Perhaps you could repurpose the bagel-eating shenanigans as a lesson in fractions for Lovely Daughterinka. It’s the perfect way to get back at him, really, because just when he’s opens his mouth to be all “who’s been man-handling my bagel and getting germs all over it, and breaking it into inedibly small bites,” he’ll have to eat his own words instead of his bagel detritus because who doesn’t want his own daughter to become better at fractions?


Sophie January 31, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Is that a Carmel Avocado I see there? And is husbandrinka trying to foil (ahahaha) my plan to become rich from manufacturing half-bagel storage bags?


Ann's Rants January 31, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Irate about the bagel.


Crys February 1, 2010 at 10:27 am

Children and their ‘stomach aches’ these days. I like the poking idea, I think I may have to ‘borrow’ it from you if that’s ok. My children have conned me long enough with the stomach problems, I’m FINALLY on to them!


Birdie February 1, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Sophie, I’m sorry to tell you, QVC is already selling the half-bagel storage bags. But it still has potential as an artistic addition to fruit arrangements!


SoccerMom February 1, 2010 at 4:24 pm

I still don’t get how one could get full and/or the bagel could even be edible after so many days?


Mary @ Holy Mackerel
February 2, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Ummm, you have an onion in your fruit bowl. Just lettin’ you know.


Kate Coveny Hood
February 6, 2010 at 9:14 am

This is a bit how I feel about potty training the twins right now… I wouldn’t get the cinder blocks either.


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