Stomach Ache

by Marinka on February 1, 2010

When Young Ladrinka was an Even Younger Ladrinka, age 4 or so, he would often complain about a stomach ache. Strangely, the stomach pain happened only on weekday mornings, right before school. In response to this medical crisis, I developed a fantastic diagnostic technique that I will now share with you, absolutely free of charge. I would poke him in the stomach. Not hard, but just to see if he recoiled, or if he laughed. And he always laughed, so I assumed that he was fine. (I’m not Dr. Marinka, Medical Blogger, so please do not take this as real medical advice. Consult with your doctor. But if your doctor agrees with me, feel free to quote my wisdom to her.) And a few times I did drag Young Ladrinka to the doctor, and I swear the pediatrician did basically the same poking that I did. So no need to call the Humane Society or anything.

This takes us to a week ago Monday, 6 pm.
Scene: Dinner.

Young Ladrinka: Mom, these meatballs are delicious. May I please have another?
Marinka: I’m glad that you are enjoying my homemade feast. Of course, you may have another, for I made plenty.
Young Ladrinka: Thank you, mom.
Marinka: You’re welcome, Young Ladrinka.

Ten minutes after dinner.

Young Ladrinka: Mom, my stomach hurts.
Marinka: Oh? This is my prime tweeting time, Young Ladrinka. But your father will be home soon.
Young Ladrinka: I feel like I’m going to throw up in an hour or two.
Marinka: In an hour or two, haha! That would make a fantastic tweet. Hold on.

furious tweeting.

Young Ladrinka: Can I miss school tomorrow?
Marinka: Let’s see how you feel.

Tuesday morning:

Young Ladrinka: And then I had a dream about blah, blah. blah.
Marinka: Yeah, whatever. How does your stomach feel?
Young Ladrinka: Oh, right.
Marinka: Did you forget about your stomach ache?
Young Ladrinka: I was just about to remember.
Marinka: Does it hurt?
Young Ladrinka: It does.
Marinka: How much?
Young Ladrinka: On what scale, 1 to 100?
Marinka: Yes.
Young Ladrinka: 85.
Marinka: What about on a scale of 1 to 10?
Young Ladrinka: 6.

Editor’s note: Math talent runs in the family.

Marinka: Does it hurt when I poke it?
Young Ladrinka: Don’t poke it.
Marinka: pokes Does it hurt?
Young Ladrinka: No.
Marinka: Have a nice day at school, Young Ladrinka. Remember, an idle mind is a devil’s playground!
____

Marinka enjoying some late morning truffles. Phone rings. Oh no! It’s Young Ladrinka’s school.

Young Ladrinka: Mom, I feel sick, I want to come home.
Marinka: What’s wrong?
Young Ladrinka: My stomach hurts.
Marinka: Is Florence Nightingale there?
Young Ladrinka: Yes.
Marinka: Can I talk to her?
Young Ladrinka: About what?
Marinka: Put her on.
Florence Nightingale: Hi, Marinka. He doesn’t have a fever, and he seems fine. But he says that his stomach hurts and there is a stomach bug going around.

Editor’s note: Upon hearing the words “stomach bug going around” Marinka is crippled with stomach pain.

Marinka: I don’t know.
Florence Nightingale: We’ll see how he does after lunch.
Marinka: Ok.

After lunch. Phone rings.

Young Ladrinka: Mom, can you pick me up?
Marinka: Do you feel sick?
Young Ladrinka: I do. Come get me at 2.
Marinka: Why at 2?
Young Ladrinka: That’s when I have math.
Marinka: I can’t come at 2, I can come at 3.
Young Ladrinka: If you can’t come at 2, just come at regular time.
Marinka: Regular time is 4. If your stomach hurts, don’t you want to leave at 3?
Young Ladrinka: No, we have basketball then. Bye!

This went on for a week.
Finally a doctor examined his stomach and said he was fine.
His stomach no longer hurts.
Last night, however, he warned me that he has a nose ache.
I won’t tell you what ache I have.

_________________
BlogHer ’10 is in August in NYC. I’ll be there, unless it falls on laundry day. And not only that, but some of my co-Mouthy Housewives and I and everyone’s favorite Aunt Becky have put together a proposal for a room, called Dear Abby 2.0: Giving Advice in the Blogosphere. It’s going to be fantastic, but we need your help. Just click here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session”. This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!

And speaking of Dear Abby, today I dare to disagree with her advice about children and public bathrooms! Whose side are you on? Weigh in here.

One year ago ...

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole Pelton
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 12:46 am

Oh, kids. Tonight my son felt well too full, on the verge of a stomachache, and could not possibly eat a 2nd bite of his mini burger. Then I asked if he wanted a cookie and her perked right up, “hah! that was a trick” I say. That is my non-medical stomach ache testing method if anyone wants to borrow it.

Reply

Coco
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 1:29 am

I guess he has figured it is harder for you to poke his nose. Maybe tweak it a bit.

Reply

kiki
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 8:43 am

fantastic post. young ladrinka is quite the character. sometimes, my son cries wolf on school mornings. i will have to use your trusted poking technique. take care.

ps-i know you have been worried about the Brangelina break-up rumors. ken baker with E! news said he sat near them at the director’s awards and they were all over eachother. we can all rest easy now.

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christy February 1, 2010 at 8:49 am

So funny! I remember feeling sick every weekday morning too…when I was about that age!

I voted for you all, and I hope I get attend. I already have tix, but will have a three month old baby and am not sure what to do?! Leave him home with dad? Bring him? Argh! Hopefully I’ll be there!!!

Reply

Whitney
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 9:29 am

Funny, math still gives me a stomach ache.

Great post!

Reply

MommyTime
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 9:32 am

Hahahahaha! Someone should tell him that kids who don’t cry wolf tend to get to stay home more often. I liked school (I know, sue me, I’m a dork), but there were days where I just felt too tired, run down from all the stuff going on in life, etc., exhausted as only a 14 year old can be, and I just needed a day of sleep. My mother would totally let me stay home when I told her I “just didn’t feel good” because I so rarely “just didn’t feel good.” Of course, if I had a fever or other signs of actual illness, I ALSO (obviously) stayed home. So by my math skills (initially wrote “meth skills” there, which means something else entirely), I got all the sick days plus a few carefully placed hookey days as well. Young Ladrinka should try it.

Reply

JulieBouf February 1, 2010 at 9:44 am

I usually respond the same way. So I’m sure you understand my suprise when Katie did indeed decorate my kitchen with the insides of her stomach Friday.

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Vicki
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 9:49 am

You should tell him his symptoms could be from the fact that he has Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) and, if he’s not careful, could turn into the Tree Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vtl9gN0gTvs (Pro Tip: Don’t watch this video if you are about to eat or have eaten in the past 5 hours.) However, you should also tell him, that people who don’t lie have a 0% chance of developing this disease.

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Wendi
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 9:50 am

Here’s how it works in my house:
Mommy, my tummy hurts.
GO TO THE BATHROOM!
Oh, yeah.

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Mine is too busy to go too and/or two. Amazing how afterwards, his tummy is all better.

Reply

OHmommy
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 10:11 am

Prime tweeting hour? Seriously, I don’t know what I laughed out loud at the most in this post. But now my stomach aches.

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 11:49 am

You are such a brilliant mother. My stomach hurts too.

Reply

Keyona
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 12:23 pm

He totally wants to see if you’ll stick your finger up his nose. I know you will. I mean, it’s Twitter fodder. 🙂

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Get a picture!

Reply

Sprite's Keeper
Twitter:
February 1, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I ended up in the ER with abdominal pains during the New Year and John started telling our 3 year old that “Mommy’s tummy hurts” so she wouldn’t get offended since I couldn’t pick her up for a while. She’s been asking since if my tummy hurts and now I can tell her no, I’m fine. Instead, she used it this morning for her own tummy. And I did just what you do. I poked her in the tummy and she giggled. Daycare has still not called. I think she’s fine. 🙂

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Maureen@IslandRoar February 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm

I don’t know; I think you have a future in medicine. Think how proud Mama would be…

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Ann's Rants February 2, 2010 at 9:42 am

This is a conspiracy. A friend of mine had the exact “stomach virus is going around but I feel fine when I’m playing wii” conversation yesterday.

I canceled our playdate, of course.

Reply

Mary @ Holy Mackerel
Twitter:
February 2, 2010 at 8:31 pm

I go through this all the time as well with my son. Not so much with my daughter anymore, because for some reason she actually cares about school. Half the time with our son, he forgets he’s supposed to be sick, and I kick him out to school halfway through the day. Brat.

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Kate Coveny Hood
Twitter:
February 6, 2010 at 9:10 am

This will be my daughter in a few years. She’s only three, doesn’t go to school and regularly complains about “tummy aches” when she wants something. Apparently, ice cream is excellent for an upset stomach.

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Alicia Brown January 26, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Very funny. However my daughter is having tummy problems and I am worried about her.
My daughter just started complaining of a stomach ach. Got sent home from school 3 times this week-always at the same time of day. After several rounds of questioning it seems math is the reason for her tummy ache. I realize it is stress induced(math not being her strong suit). I am not sure what to do to help her through this. She can’t keep coming home everyday.

Reply

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