How To Apologize

by Marinka on January 12, 2012

Welcome back to the How-To series. In past posts, we’ve explored How To Ride an Escalator and How To Change The Toiler Paper Roll. Today we are going to tackle How To Apologize.

Ready?

1. If you were wrong, admit that you were wrong.

2. Say something along the lines of “I’m sorry. I regret what I said/did.”

3. After you apologize, STOP TALKING. I cannot stress this enough.

4. For example, if you happen to be a person of the cloth and are blessing businesspeople, and as part of that benediction you work in something about being blessed so much that you would make a Jew jealous, don’t mention, as part of your apology that you meant it as a compliment to the Jews.

5. As an extra bonus, don’t say that you will avoid making such remarks “with God’s help.” Because not spouting offensive shit shouldn’t take Divine Intervention.

Any questions?

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

awesome dude January 12, 2012 at 10:42 am

The “a person of the cloth” has no more respect or “adoration” in the Jewish community…be it a rabbi, a priest or mullah….as any other other schmuck…
So, it is hard to provoke jealousy in the Jewish soul by the blessing alone, brand names like Bentley, Gucci or Cartier have to be used.

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Meredith L.
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

I feel like there’s a story here…

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Amen.

And unbelievable. Well actually, sadly, very believable.

Well said.

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deb January 12, 2012 at 2:36 pm

thanks for this. I hate these kinds of political apologies–always for the “language,” never for the sentiment. What they’re really saying is “I’m so sorry I let my true colors show.” I mean, you don’t “accidentally” say something hurtful unless you’re really feeling/thinking it.

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Suniverse
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

What the fuck? Douchebag.

Also, that picture of him gives me the heebie jeebies. Does he have a tiny bit of chin whisker? WHY?

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Wendi
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Why were businesspeople being blessed is my first question.

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Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Love this. So very true. Why can’t they just stop talking?!

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Zee January 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm

When I apologize I usually add something like “and I’ll do everything I can not to do something like this again”. I really dislike when someone says “IF I did something wrong, please forgive me.” If you’re not sure you did something wrong, why are you apologizing?

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Olga
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 8:34 pm

He sure preached to his humble daughter Katy Perry a lot

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
January 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I can’t wrap my head around either the original statement or the subsequent explanations. What?

And only 1 out of 300 people there complained. Apparently it made sense to these people?

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 13, 2012 at 7:08 am

You are never wrong and still you know how to apologize. Is there no limit to your abilities?

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Becky Rice
Twitter:
January 13, 2012 at 10:42 am

Pseudo-celebrities are a waste of oxygen. And I’m not apologizing for saying that.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 13, 2012 at 11:56 am

Reminds me of another fellow.. Newt Gingrich.

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Lady Jennie January 13, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Some people need this tattooed on a part of their body where it will permanently remind them (especially the STOP TALKING part).

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The Mommy Therapy
Twitter:
January 13, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Why would the chosen people be jealous of any blessings?

Sounds like a confused person of the cloth…that could possibly move the the world to spiritual unity, clearly. You give very, very good advice Marinka!

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
January 13, 2012 at 7:17 pm

I feel like there are a lot of people I can forward this on to. But then I would have to apologize for being rude by telling them they need to apologize. I’m in a quandary.

Love the instructional guides. Can you please do “How To Watch The Kids While Your Wife Has Two Minutes To Herself?”

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Kara
Twitter:
January 14, 2012 at 8:55 am

I can’t embrace any new how-to’s at the present moment. I feel it would be disrespectful to my favorite, How to ride an escalator.

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alaina
Twitter:
January 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Bahaha, I love when people drag God into anything as if he/she is responsible for verbal diarrhea.

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Ilana
Twitter:
January 15, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Well. If he officially has God’s support, then I’m sure he speaks the truth.

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