The list of things that I am bad at includes but is not limited to remembering which months have 30 days and which ones have 31. I know March has 31 because that happens to be my birthday (I’ll wait while you mark your calendar) and I know that February has 28.25, but other than that, I’m not sure.
It’s not my fault that I only have one birthday.
So every once in a while I’ll ask someone “hey, June has 30 days, right?”
And instead of saying “yes!” or “no!” I get a whole load of bullshit.
“Didn’t you ever learn the poem?” a former co-worker asked me once.
“Poem?” I’d cocked my head to the side which is very adorable on me.
“Yes, poem,” she said and then proceeded to recite: “Thirty day hath January, April, June and September all the rest have thirty one except the month of Washington.”
(I’m not sure that that’s the exact poem since as I mentioned earlier who the fuck can remember which months have thirty days. And it also doesn’t rhyme, so I think it’s less of a poem and more of a combination of some words that don’t make sense.)
“Is the month of Washington a new month that hasn’t been rolled out yet?” I asked.
“It’s February,” she said. Something about President’s Day or Denzel’s birthday, got me.
So that didn’t help.
And then more recently someone showed me the knuckle game.
You start with your pinkie knuckle, and that’s the first one, January, 31, and then you go into the flesh part between the pinkie knuckle and the ring finger knuckle and that’s February, so not 31, and so on.
Except the whole thing hinges on remembering that January has 31 days, which is where things start to fall apart for me. And also who wants to sit at their desk tapping her knuckles like a junkie looking for a knuckle vein. And what if you happened to have lost a finger knuckle in a knife fight, how are you going to play this?
So here’s my secret tip for remembering: Get a calendar. And then flip to the month you’re wondering about and look. If the month shows 31 days, that means that there are 31 days during that month. And if the month shows 30 days, there are 30 during that month.
And leave the poetry nonsense to the pros.
One year ago ...
- Listen! I Have Big News! - 2013