I’m Right and He’s Wrong

by Marinka on September 11, 2012

Yesterday I almost killed Husbandrinka. Mostly because I thought he was already dead or worse. Having an affair. Ok, so maybe an affair is not worse than dead, unless she’s less attractive than I am, because I’m not sure that I could live with that humiliation. But this isn’t about which one would have been worse. Both would be bad and I would be devastated. Not devastated enough to attend a GOP fundraiser, but devastated nonetheless.

I’ll tell you everything that happened so that we can be mad at him together, the way the Good Lord intended us to be.

At 10 pm, I got an email from Husbandrinka letting me know that he was leaving the reception he was at in midtown and walking home. Nothing was unusual about this email so I ignored it. I mean, what am I supposed to write back? Roger?

So I go on with my life, watching an episode of General Hospital like a normal person, trying not to get distracted by the fact that it’s now on at 2 pm instead of 3. If you haven’t been watching GH lately, I’m sorry to tell you that everyone in Port Charles is in grave danger. Jerry Jax, the villain, put some kind of pathogen in the water and everybody has only 48 hours to live. I was excited about wiping the slate clean and starting the show with a brand new cast, but it’s been like two weeks since everyone was exposed and they still seem to be alive although very sweaty. And now there’s talk of a cure which is really the last thing I need in terms of Sonny Corinthos succumbing to this “tragedy.”

But back to me.

I’m watching TV and enjoying my life when suddenly I realize that it’s 11:30 and Husbandrinka isn’t home yet.

What could this mean?

I put on my Nancy Drew hat and call his cell.

And it goes straight into voicemail.

This is the case of the missing Husbandrinka.

So I do what any normal person would do and start weighing the pros and cons of waking the children to let them know that their father is missing. Unfortunately I can’t think of a single pro, except if my daughter is up she could maybe help me fix this annoying thing that has been happening with my laptop. Like I’ll be writing and suddenly and for no reason the screen will become extra huge. I don’t mean bigger than the laptop itself, I’m not talking Dali here, but like the navigation bar at the top of the page will disappear. I figure after a few minutes of shock and despair that their father is missing, she can take care of that?

But then I decide not to wake them because I’m so used to putting other people first.

So I sit and panic.

Then I call a friend of mine to say that I am panicked because what’s the point of panicking unless you can tell other people about it.

And she suggests that maybe he ran into someone at the reception and is chatting and I dismiss that outright because what kind of a person runs into someone and chats? Maybe she could suggest an alien abduction next since we’re talking crazy shit.

This is why you should never turn to your friends in the time of need but rather take matters into your own hands, I-Built-It style.

So I get dressed. By which I mean out of my pajamas into street clothes, I don’t want you to think that I watch GH naked.

And then when I get dressed, I’m not sure what to do.

So I go downstairs to the local bar/restaurant where Husbandrinka and I sometimes go to get a drink.

If you’ve never walked into an such an establishment close to midnight and said “oh, I was just wondering if my husband was in here”- I certainly recommend that experience. It’s very Angela’s Ashes and makes for a wonderful evening.

I know you probably can’t stand the suspense, but shortly after I got home from my rescue mission, Husbandrinka came in. Seems that when he sent me the email letting me know that he was walking home, it was really code for “I’m about to start a lengthy conversation with someone and when it’s over, I will walk home.” I guess I mis-understood it because English she is my second language.

Needless to say, I was fuming and seething and used many Words That Hurt ™ including but not limited to asshole.

He had some things to say in his defense, leading off with the fact that he had stopped at the bodega to get an ice cream bar. So, to recap, while I was worrying about the fact that I wasn’t sure where his life insurance policy was and how I was going to invest this windfall, he was having ice cream.

I tell you, some days marriage is tougher than others.

____________________

Looking for a GOP-inspired outfit for your kid? Here ya go! (I’ll need you to sign a few waivers before you click over, though!)

One year ago ...

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 7:14 am

My husband never calls when he’s going to be late. Even two days late. I don’t get it.

Reply

Wendi
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

I’m walking home right now. Don’t wait up.

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Ann
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 9:03 am

You make me laugh so hard. With you, too.

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Jeni
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

I sincerely hope that when you entered that bar you also cried out, “But I need milk for the baby!”

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joeinvegas September 11, 2012 at 9:46 am

And he didn’t bring an ice cream home for you? That’s something to hit him for.

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Mexmom September 11, 2012 at 10:03 am

He is definitely wrong specially the part that he didn’t bring ice cream for you.

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annie September 11, 2012 at 10:04 am

I’m with Joeinvegas – well not literally, I don’t know him so I probably shouldn’t go to Vegas with him -but I agree with him. I thought the story was going to turn out ok because Husbandrinka bought you ice cream. Then you told us he only bought ice cream for himself.

Then I also called him an asshole.

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Melanie
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

Those husbands! Tell me about it. His ten minutes turns into an hour! And then when I’m fifteen minutes late coming home and don’t call him to alert him to that fact, he’s ready to call the Calvary.

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deb September 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

once my husband did the opposite: he came home early without calling – as in, a whole day early. And it was 3am. When i woke to hear someone trying to get into the house, i flew out of bed, called 911, then hid in the closet with my baby and my 4 year old. my son said with big eyes: “mommy, are the bad people coming?” yes. yes they are honey. and your father’s leading the charge. (and he didn’t bring ice cream either).

but really, since the comments are supposed to be about YOU and not ME!: i should tell you this was hilarious. haven’t seen GH in years and years but i still know enough to get the jokes! thanks for the laugh.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I’m Husbandrinka, and my husband is you. Except we’re at the same party. Together. And he says, “Are you about ready to go?” (which is code for “let’s get the hell out of here), and I say, “Yes, I”ll be ready in [checking watch like I really mean this] ten minutes.” And an hour later, after he’s already said goodbye to everyone 55 minutes ago, and is getting bored standing around feeling stupid for standing there for nearly an hour after having said goodbye, he’ll say, “Now are you ready to go?” And I promise that as soon as I say goodbye to our hosts, I’m ready to go. And then we leave 40 minutes later.

All of this is my very long way of saying that I love the party chat, so I can see how he got sucked in. BUT, he shouldn’t send you a text saying he’s ON HIS WAY home until he’s actually out the door and on his way. For precisely all the excellent “I thought you were dead when you were actually eating ice cream” reasons you point out here.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

OMG I married MommyTime’s twin brother. I stand by the door with shoes & coat on waiting & waiting & waiting for my husband to say goodbye to people. Makes me crazy!!!

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MommyTime
Twitter:
September 13, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I’m sorry. I know we’re deeply irritating. It’s just so haaaard to leave a fun party.

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Issa
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

There is a bar/restaurant in your building? Now I’m convinced you live on the How I Met Your Mother set. Man I love NY.

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Lil
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Gotta say, GH came thisclose to sucking me in again after a 30 years absence with just the first few seconds of what I was witnessing yesterday when I accidentally had t.v. tuned to whatever channel airs the show here in Denver. *shaken, raised fist* You’ll never take me again General Hospital!

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You now know where the life insurance policy is, right? Don’t make that mistake again.

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b a seagull
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I’ve been reading your blog for years and I have never disagreed with you. You are some kind of gifted moral compass genius.

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes September 11, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I have feeling your husbandrinka might be related to my husband. Tell me did any of his ancestors come from Belgium?

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dusty earth mother September 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Jerk. I hope he gets the GH pathogen and sweats a lot.

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Nancy
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm

OMG! You’re my sister’s sister! Which is not to say that you are my sister, but only her sister, because this is exactly the way she panics every time her own asshole – I mean husband – is more than 1.7 minutes late.

Me? I always assume he’s just off buying me jewelry. Because if he’s going to be late, he’d better be packing some serious bling.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
September 11, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Who doesn’t check their phone while eating ice cream?

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One Funny Motha September 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

You are most definitely right and he is WRONG.

Pure genius. Thank you for allowing us to be angry at him together. LOVED how he launched his defense by telling you he stopped at the bodega to get ice cream. My husband would do the same exact thing. And I would react in the same exact way. In fact I think I had this same argument with my husband.

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Lady Jennie September 14, 2012 at 1:40 pm

My husband freaked me out too recently and it’s because his cell wasn’t receiving or sending messages. All was well.

Your husband could have at least brought ice cream home for you.

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Holly September 14, 2012 at 11:59 pm

He and my husband have a lot in common.

Reply

Ester Jean October 4, 2012 at 11:59 pm

“I don’t want you to think that I watch GH naked.”

Oh, but now I do

Reply

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