Killer

by Marinka on December 12, 2012

Recently I had to do something unpleasant.

I had to tell my friend that her husband resembled the serial killer on American Horror Story. Bloody Face, to be exact. (Oh, if you’re spoiler-free for American Horror Story and don’t want to know who Bloody Face is, maybe stop reading now. Or maybe stop pretending that you’re going to watch the show one day.)

Back to my friend and her serial killer husband. I noticed the resemblance a while ago and wasn’t sure if I should say something. On the one hand, I feel like I owed it to her to let her know. Because it seems like a friendly thing to do. On the other hand, I didn’t force her to marry him, so how is any of this my business?

I struggled with this moral dilemma for a while and then I saw her on Friday night, I just blurted it out.

“I noticed your husband looks like the psycho on American Horror Story,” I told her. She didn’t seem alarmed at all, and told me that she doesn’t watch that show.

“The actor is the same one that was Spock on the new Star Trek,” I explained. “Not Leonard Nimoy,” I clarified. Unfortunately none of my friends are married to men who look like Leonard Nimoy. That’s a real loss, as far as I’m concerned.

She knew who I was talking about, but claimed that she didn’t see the resemblance between that actor as Spock and her husband. Which makes sense, because he doesn’t look like Spock, he looks like a serial killer. If he looked like Spock, I wouldn’t be so worried about the whole situation. Like what’s the worse thing that can happen? He pokes her eye out with his ear?

“Well he looks like the psycho,” I said but she just sort of laughed it off. This is how people become lampshades.

I think she’s going through some sort of Stockholm Syndrome in the middle of New York City and it’s hard for her to hear the truth. You’d think she would thank me for shining the light, but apparently love is blind and that’s why she can’t see what I’m saying.

You be the judge. This is the American Horror Story guy:

bf Killer

And this is my friend’s husband:

bf Killer

But I felt good about telling her because now when he’s arrested, I can be all “I told you so!” which is the main point of friendship.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

hokgardner
Twitter:
December 12, 2012 at 8:25 am

I’d want to know if my husband resembled a serial killer.

I watched a few episodes of the first season of that show. Freaked me the f*ck out.

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Susi December 12, 2012 at 8:59 am

He was also a killer in “Heroes”!!! Sense a pattern? ;)

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Cy
Twitter:
December 12, 2012 at 9:09 am

Zachary Quinto. Good to know he’s working again. ‘Cause no way in hell would I watch AHS to learn this information. Thanks for the heads up. I’m sure your friend feels the same way.

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joeinvegas December 12, 2012 at 9:56 am

Wow, you’re right – they do look a lot alike!

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anna see December 12, 2012 at 10:32 am

And this is why I value your friendship.

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Loukia December 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

Hilarious… :)

Years ago, leaving Venezuala with my husband, we were at securtiy and I saw a picture of a criminal they had on their like, most wanted list… and he looked just like my husband. I was like, (loudly) “Look hon! This guy looks JUST LIKE YOU!” Heehee… oops.

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b a seagull
Twitter:
December 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

I don’t se the resemblance.

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b a seagull
Twitter:
December 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

nor do I see it.

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Lady Jennie December 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I was trying to explain to my kids why I was laughing, but the joke fell flat.

Actually he looks like the guy from Heroes – is it?

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tracy@sellabitmum December 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I just spit out my goldfish crackers when I saw the picture. I love you.

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Mom of A and a December 12, 2012 at 4:48 pm

He/They definitely look creepy!! Hope you’re keeping daily tabs on your friend!

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Alexandra December 12, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Ok, Marinka, you make me laugh.

You make me laugh.

xo

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Suzy Q December 12, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Well, now you can call your friend Lampshade Lady and she will have no idea why.

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Charlotte December 12, 2012 at 11:41 pm

I still say that second one is way cuter!

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Ann
Twitter:
December 13, 2012 at 9:54 am

I dreamed about serial killers last night. You can finally start your psychic bloggers community!

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dusty earth mother December 13, 2012 at 4:33 pm

“This is how people become lampshades”. Guffaw.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
December 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I don’t know why… but I just can’t see the resemblance.

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Olga
Twitter:
December 17, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I saw the headline and immediately thought it was a response to the Friday tragedy…..

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katilda December 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm

oh my gosh. the lampshades. yes.

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