I may have mentioned before that 11 year old Young Ladrinka loves Magic The Gathering. I know it sounds like some sort of a cult, but if only life were that easy. Because if he were in a cult, he probably wouldn’t keep telling me about Magic The Gathering all the time because I assume that would be against cult rules. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m not sure about the logistics of how cults work, so I’m sorry if you landed on this page by Googling “the final word on cults.”
But no, Magic The Gathering is not a cult, it’s a card game. A card game that makes no sense, I may add, but Young Ladrinka must never know this because if I make an innocent comment like “Satan himself invented this torture” he starts protesting and explaining the whole thing to me and I’m like, “I didn’t mean Satan in a BAD way.”
So there are cards. And there’s Mana. And not Mana from Heaven, in case you think it turns into Nutella or something. No. Mana is a kind of a card and I have no idea why it is important, or why it’s called Mana or what it does or what the meaning of life is. What I do know (I think) is that a player who wants to use Mana or some kind of a power card (I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS) has to turn the card sideways. When a card is turned sideways, it means that it is tapped. And when it is tapped, it means it’s in action. Obviously that’s really important. I don’t know why.
So my son and his friends love this game and have tournaments and talk about it nonstop.
And tonight my son told me that he is still fleshing out his Holiday Gift List, and would like to add this beauty to it:
(sorry, you have to click on the image to make it bigger. Or put it under the microscope. Your choice.)
In case it isn’t obvious, this is a Magic The Gathering I’d Tap That t-shirt. And it’s funny because it uses the tap sign from Magic The Gathering (I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS). But at the same time, it says “I’d tap that” and I told my Young Ladrinka that there’s no way he’s getting that t-shirt. And he asked why. And because I’m one of those people who doesn’t think fast on her feet, or on any other part of her anatomy, I said: “Because tap can also refer to beer and it’s illegal for children to have alcohol.”
No, I was not drunk when I said that.
Yes, he did look at me as though I were.
So now I have to explain to my son why he can’t have a t-shirt that says “I’d tap that.” If you have any ideas, please let me know. Because I’m not sure about saying “son, I’d tap that means I’d have sex with, so that’s an awkward message to have on your t-shirt.” Although I don’t know why it means that either.