Knife

by Marinka on February 3, 2011

With Prince William marrying Kate Middleton this spring, I’m getting really nervous that Queen Elizabeth will invite my children over for a royal meal. Sure, it may seem like a far-fetched fear, but as a mother, I worry about all sorts of things that seem improbable.

I’m concerned about the royal meal because despite my very best efforts and my strongest threats, my children refuse to use the knife while dining. To them, a knife is something that hangs out next to their plates, in case there’s an attack or something.

Like last Sunday night, we’re having ravioli. One of those raviolis that could get work as flying saucers in low-budget films. And I watch my son shoveling the whole orb into his mouth, while my daughter is dissecting hers with the edge of her fork.

“Come on,” I prod. “Use the knife.”
“I’m so fuming,” Young Ladrinka ignores me, pointing to his sister. “You know what she did when we were outside?” He pauses, dramatically so that I can ask “what?” And also to chew.

“She chased me outside with an icicle,” he tells me. “It was a really sharp one, too, and I could have been stabbed.”

My daughter is still magling the ravioli with the fork.

“Just the use knife, already!” I tell her.

“Mommy, I was just playing around, I wasn’t really going to stab him!” she says, clearly alarmed at my call to violence.

“I mean, use the knife on the ravioli,” I tell her. “Not on your brother.”

“Oh,” she says. And the two of them laugh, clearly relieved.

I’m sure you can see why they can’t dine with royalty.

One year ago ...

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Friday Links | Vic tac ular
February 4, 2011 at 8:45 am

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Glamamom
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 12:32 am

Okay, you’re clearly not Italian. Who uses a knife to cut pasta?!

Reply

Trish@Show and Tell
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 12:58 am

Glad there was no casualties…..Emergency Rooms can get very busy on a Sunday night.
I’m sure Liz has got an invite in the mail.

Trish
xx

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Halala Mama
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 3:59 am

So of all my unreasonable mothering fears, I never had considered “dining with royalty.” Until now. Thaaaanks Marinka.

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Donna February 3, 2011 at 7:53 am

Personally, I’m just impressed that they use forks. We’re still working on that skill over here.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 7:54 am

Over the holiday break, my father was fuming that my six year old didn’t have proper table side manners “You don’t use knife? You can eat with the dogs than!” he repeatedly told her. It’s always nice to be home.

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Marinka February 3, 2011 at 8:08 am

Tiger Grandpa!

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 8:20 am

The Queen cuts the food of all her guests. One of her royal duties.

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alexandra
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 8:43 am

I am always surprised at how at the ready my children are to accept my crazy at the level it comes out as.

As if I would even say that…yet, they assume my words require a response.

I must sound that nuts. (and, I end with the infamous, “no offense, but.)

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alexandra
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 8:43 am

Also? This made me laugh. Very hard.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 9:26 am

For reasons I cannot explain, my two children have both begun using knives at the same time, despite their age difference. (She is 4 1/2 and he is 7.) In fact, 4 1/2 is far better with the knife than 7 is — though she will still sometimes carefully use the fork to hold down the food, use the knife to cut it, and then use her fingers to convey the piece to her mouth. So, it’s not all fancy table manners over here either. The moral? Be careful what you wish for.

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CSY February 3, 2011 at 9:50 am

My children just shovel the food in their mouth like they’re animals! As long as they don’t get food on my carpet – I’m good. I have no high aspirations for my children; they’d rather eat with the fishes than the Queen. But it’s a good thought!

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Awesome dude February 3, 2011 at 9:53 am

One can cut ravioli in half with the side of the fork, it totally proper.

Start serving more fish…..you can not touch it with the knife and may be they will become smart.

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Crisanna February 3, 2011 at 10:40 am

Well, the icicle would clearly be the superior murder weapon (once it melts, it’s untraceable!). Maybe your daughter is preparing for a royal dinner/assassination? Or maybe I’ve watched too much Veronica Mars. Whichever.

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annie February 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Did my 14yr old have dinner at your house???? She’s able to contort and maneuver a large steak into her mouth easier than she can pick up a knife.

Reply

kiki
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm

love your kids. and Awesome Dude’s comment. take care, Marinka.

Reply

Tonya
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm

My son won’t use the potty but thankfully he will use a knife, this is extremely important since we make the majority of our money robbing strangers as they exit the public restroom in Grand Central Station.

Reply

Slow Panic
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 1:21 pm

As long as they serve macaroni and cheese (yeah, I’m talking about the kind that comes in a box) we would totally rock the royal wedding reception.

Going to check for my invite right now.

Reply

Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) February 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Use the knife! Hahaha…she thought you meant instead of the icicle. Hahaha…you kill me. My kids use their hands…just less utensil cleanup that way.

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Lady Jennie February 3, 2011 at 3:29 pm

The image of this is really making me giggle.

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anna see February 3, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Hee Hee! Mine would have chewed food an put it back on the plate. I hear the Queen loves that.

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magpie February 3, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Icicles make great weapons. Because they melt, and then there is no evidence…

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elizabeth-flourish in progress
Twitter:
February 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm

oh crud. i don’t remember meeting your babes, but i think i must have taught them my table manners. i am sorry.

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dusty earth mother February 3, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Your spawn are so civilized. It makes me nervous for my kids just to have forks.

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From Belgium February 4, 2011 at 6:42 am

So what do they do when you serve a large t-bone steak?

Reply

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