I Owe You an Apology

by Marinka on February 4, 2011

Dear (soon to be former) Friends and Readers,

I owe you an apology.

Because this whole snow/ice/freezing thing is my fault. I am the reason that your children have snow days and are stuck with you at home and have driven you to your warm bath with a merlot and a hairdryer. (Note to stupid readers: do not do this. I am making a joke. Note to budding bloggers: do not do this. Calling readers stupid is a stupid move. Note to self: you’re driving everyone insane. Including me.)

But this winter is my fault and I accept responsibility.

Because see, in November, I went to Old Navy and got about a million pairs of gloves, on the theory that they get lost all the time. Well, my children are nothing if not scientific, so they proceeded to lose all million less one that I reserved for myself pairs of gloves immediately. So that by the time we were celebrating the birth of Jesus in North Carolina (around Christmastime), one of my children, and it doesn’t matter which one, because the point of this story is not to cast blame, told me that he didn’t have gloves and I had to give him my last pair of gloves.

That’s right, gentle readers, I gave my offspring my last pair of gloves, so that his paws can be warm.

And what do you think I did after I gave him my last pair of gloves? Time for a brisk quiz!

a. Went to the store and got another pair for myself for $1.99

b. Went online and ordered a pair for myself for $.99, plus $1.00 in shipping and handling

c. Went all “oh, I’m sure winter is almost over and I’ll be fine without gloves!”

If you guessed “c”, my response to you is an indignant “how dare you?!” and also “that’s right!”

Since that fateful day, we’ve had historic snowfall, record-breaking freezing temperatures and a Kevin Kline-less ice storm.

Obviously all in an effort to get me to buy a pair of gloves.

But I’m not falling for it.
Because I know that the second I spring for a pair, spring will appear. And then I’ll be like a Michael Jackson-gloved-freak. And I don’t even like kids that much.

So, see? It’s my fault.

I’m sorry. But it’s a matter of principle.

Yours in faux-regret,

Marinka

One year ago ...

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{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

What are these “gloves” of which you speak?

Signed,
A Florida Native

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CSY February 4, 2011 at 9:47 am

WOW!!! You’re taking responsibility for the snow up there – I get blamed for the thunder storms when they come here in Florida! Nice to know I’m not the ONLY one who controls the weather!

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kadield February 4, 2011 at 9:48 am

I see. So you’re the reason why I was stuck in the driveway at work for 20 minutes and lost about 2 years of wear and tear from my tires from my peeling out.

I knew it wasn’t my fault that I don’t have a 4 wheel drive vehicle. I knew it!

Brb, getting my torches, lighter fluid, and noose. We’sa gonna have ourselves an old fashioned hanging! 😀

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 10:04 am

I am begging you to buy the gloves right now. I’ll buy them for you. Please. Please. Make this ice storm end.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 10:05 am

Hahahahahahaha… one of my top ten MarinkaNYC posts. Yes. I do have an ongoing list.

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From Belgium February 4, 2011 at 10:20 am

Everybody start sending Marinka gloves ASAP! Move it people!

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) February 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

I already knew it was your fault…I mean, you’re a mom so isn’t everything?

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Awesome dude February 4, 2011 at 11:05 am

When I was sent to the first class the gloves were attached to the long string which run against my back. Then when I read Hunchback of Notre-Dame I knew what they were writing about.

Few generations were raised on the diet of French literature.

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Roxanne February 4, 2011 at 11:06 am

I live in Reno, where we get snow every winter, and it’s been pretty dry this year. What, like 2 big snowfalls? The last one happened quite a while ago, too.

Not that I’m complaining. I’d just like to take a moment to thank all of you for taking my snow this year. It’s been great.

You can keep it.

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Karen at French Skinny February 4, 2011 at 11:18 am

One year I was determined to bring gloves and hats back into fashion. I felt so Grace Kelly. But apparently I don’t have that kind of power. I just turned into “That Freaky Burbank Glove and Hat lady.”
Sending love and gloves your way.

P.S. Let me know your hat size.

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Marinka February 4, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Hat size is extra huge. To fit over the halo.

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annie February 4, 2011 at 11:25 am

Thank God I’m not on the east coast anymore. I keep losing my gloves but then I find them on the ground next to where I parked. True story. I went back, on two different occassions, and they were just where I’d dropped them. We’re having a mild winter. You’re right, it’s your fault mothernatureinnyc.

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anymommy February 4, 2011 at 11:30 am

Listen North of Punxsutawney Marinka. Crawl out of your hole and buy some gloves. Or I’m going to start an internet campaign to send you pairs of gloves from all over internetland. You’ll probably get lice or mollusks. We’re dirty people.

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Zee February 4, 2011 at 11:44 am

So. It’s you. You’re to blame for this hell my family has been forced to live in. Yesterday it didn’t get to 70 degrees until almost 1:00 in the afternoon. I almost had to wear my sweater ALL DAY. At night it’s been so cold I haven’t been able to keep my windows open!

I really thought I could trust you Marinka. Now, I’m just not sure. I think I’ll have to think about this while I drink my iced tea on the patio. WITH my sweater on, again.

Ha-rumph.

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Marinka February 4, 2011 at 8:59 pm

My thoughts are with you. As is my EVIL GLARE.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 12:26 pm

OMFG, you’re planning to run for political office, aren’t you, Marinka!!? All the telltale signs are here in this post!
1. Taking responsibility for a crisis, but then refusing to take any action on or punishment for it.
2. Parading your children out for sympathy and ratings.
3. Reminding the electorate about Jesus in a non-committal way.
4. Issuing an apology that’s not an apology at all.
I am so ready to work on your campaign. Will it be for Mayor or President?

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Marinka February 4, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Although I ‘m happy to have homosexual Americans in our community, I’m afraid that my campaign is staffed with our heterosexual friends. Yes, staffed.

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Lu
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 12:50 pm

I knew it!

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Issa
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Oh I’m so glad to know who to blame. I thought it was me, since this was the first winter (forth winter in Colorado) that I actually purchased snow boots for myself.

I feel much relief right now. Thank you Marinka.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

I broke down and snow boots too! I was tired of ruining my shoes. I thought the snow was MY fault. Now we know.

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Lesley February 4, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I am happy to inform you that this winter’s snow is not actually your fault after all. It is mine, because of an irresponsible comment I made.

My children’s other parent asked me why I hadn’t purchased snow boots for them. “Because,” I said, snidely, “the geography here in CT is different than where you are. We don’t GET enough snow to make snow boots important.”

See? SEE?

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Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 2:51 pm

See? I thought it was my fault because I mocked old man winter! I’m so relieved to know it was actually your fault.

(Favorite line: So that by the time we were celebrating the birth of Jesus in North Carolina (around Christmastime)…) I love subtle humor!

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Fire Wife Katie February 4, 2011 at 2:53 pm

*Phew!* And here I was, thinking hell froze over. Glad to hear the cause is slightly less than apocalyptic.

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 3:55 pm

You do not know how utterly relieved I am. I’m printing your post out now as proof to my family that it is, in fact, YOUR fault. They’re trying to make me feel like it’s mine for my “puh-LEASE, it’s winter time – what’s the big deal?” rantings.

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homschlr4ever
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Oh Marinka,
You’re a woman after my own heart. I try to go without a coat (I’m not walking blocks or anything. Just from the house to the car and vice versa). I figure if I go without a coat and pretend it’s not winter than it won’t be. Not logical but I’m proud and I hate to acknowledge the power over the weather in my life. And you know as soon as it turns to spring, I’ll be able to claim responsibility because I never acknowledged winter to begin with.
Susan http://www.swimbeauswim.blogspot

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MommyTime
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I am pretty sure you have at least 199 readers in the New England/North Atlantic area who would each send you a penny — GLADLY — so that you buy yourself another damn pair of gloves and get them out from under this snow curse by procuring hand covering for yourself. Just a thought…

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Marinka February 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

At this point it’s not the money. It’s the principle. Because I certainly know how to take a stand on the important issues.

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Andrea
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 6:49 pm

I will explain to my family in NYC that it is all your fault. And I will send gloves home with them so my mother can mail them to you after they come to visit next week. And then – by then – you won’t need them at all, I am quite sure.

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Eli February 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Laughed out loud cuz I know how the universe works. Don’t give in! If you buy the gloves and Spring comes the universe wins! Oh, and no hard feelings about the winter – I’m in sunny California anyway 🙂

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vodkamom February 4, 2011 at 7:56 pm

As soon as I claw my way out of here, I am coming up there to kick your ass.

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dusty earth mother February 4, 2011 at 10:38 pm

“Kevin Kline-less ice storm”. Tee hee hee hee hee

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Slow Panic
Twitter:
February 4, 2011 at 11:13 pm

We live in Georgia and I somehow convince myself that we won’t need gloves. But of course we do. And then we don’t have them.

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Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels
Twitter:
February 5, 2011 at 3:25 am

Just get a really cool leather pair – that way you can wear them through spring and instead of being the freak you can be “retro”. Add a pair of oversized sunglasses and you’ll practically be a dead ringer for Audrey Hepburn. The snow stopping will just be a bonus. You’ll be fabulous and impervious to the change of season.

No, really. Now make it stop. People are breaking legs left right and center trying to walk in Manolos through the icy streets of NYC.

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
February 5, 2011 at 7:34 pm

The note to stupid readers / budding bloggers / self is solid gold. But Marinka, I think we are all ready for Spring so could you suck it up and spend a $1.99 for the nation’s happiness and well-being? Thank you.

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subWOW
Twitter:
February 5, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Thank you so much! Could I also blame you on everything that my children blame me for now that you’ve gone and taken responsibility for one thing? What’s the difference if you take responsibility for the other 9,647 things right?

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Lady Jennie February 6, 2011 at 1:59 am

Just Buy the Gloves!!!!!

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Sophie@Fabrications February 8, 2011 at 1:54 am

Is it also your fault that the winter here is so lame?

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Homschlr4ever
Twitter:
February 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

I can’t remember if I responded to this yet or not since I try and read you everyday but I’m going to blame you because we are supposed to get snow tomorrow. I lived in Wyoming, for pete’s sake, I’m done with snow. I live in the south now. We’ve had snow four times since Christmas. Again, we live in the south. My oldest is OCD so we follow the tenets “if you say it, touch it, do it even imply it by action, it will happen.” You forgot to knock on wood. So…, the snow is your fault. Thank you for taking the blame for me. You’ve lifted a heavy load. Let that be a lesson, because sure as shootin’, if you buy something to be prepared or in bulk, it’ll never happen or you’ll never need it. So sayeth Buddha – not really, but I’ll blame him too.

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