Last Month

by Marinka on April 25, 2011

Last month my BlackBerry died, peacefully, in its sleep, surrounded by family.

For five weeks before then, it was on life support but I just wasn’t ready to pull the plug.

It’s not my fault.

It worked, mostly. OK, so the e and the c keys didn’t work, but I devised a system whereby an asterisk substituted for the e and an ampersand for the c, so the word cute became &ut*. Isn’t that adorable?

No one else thought so either.

Also, every once in a while, suddenly and for no good reason, my BlackBerry would fr**z*. Then I’d have to reboot it and shake my fists towards the heavens.

Loved ones tried to guide me gently during this difficult time.

“Just get a new one, jackass,” one comforted me.

“It’s probably still under warranty, so it won’t even cost you anything, cheapskate,” others piped it.

I would have none of it.

Sure a few keys didn’t work and a good part of my day was devoted to rebooting. But there were so many keys that did work. Take the M, for example! Or the Q! Nary a problem with those beauties!

But finally I realized that my BlackBerry was gone. It started to call Alex, on its own and at different times. I almost had a nervous breakdown.

“I’m sorry,” I emailed Alex. “I have no know idea why my Blackberry keeps calling you. And also, are you screening my calls? How come you never pick up?”

She said that it was no big deal and had some quasi-plausible explanation for not picking up, my investigation on that is still pending.

Finally, I presented myself at the BlackBerry hospital/morgue. They took enough information from me to steal a few dozen identities and then started to diagnose.

“Your keyboard is broken,” my BlackBerry professional advised me. And as I tried to process what this meant for me and my family, he added, “there’s only one bit of bad news.”

“What is it?” I asked, full of fear and trembling. Would they need to take my firstborn? Was the broken keyboard infectious and I now carried a malignancy?

“Your warranty expired two weeks ago,” he told me.

I sighed deeply. Oh, good. It was just the warranty. That expired in the weeks that I was trying to faith heal my BlackBerry.

Fortunately, I was able to get a new BlackBerry. All they needed was for me to give them some money. They even settled for a credit card instead of cash!

Life is good. Except Alex wonders why I never call anymore.

One year ago ...

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

April 25, 2011 at 12:34 am

Will you be in charge of MY eulogy?


Miss Britt
April 25, 2011 at 8:30 am

This happened last month?

So… this is old news you’re telling us?


US Weekly would never do this to me.


April 25, 2011 at 10:02 am

Lesson learned:

seek help immediately.


Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
April 25, 2011 at 10:47 am

see, i do that crap all the time and then when i get the “warranty just expired bullshit” my husband yells at me for not taking care of it when i should have.

they just don’t get it, do they?


the mama bird diaries
April 25, 2011 at 11:00 am

Oh that is CRAZY frustrating. Too bad it’s not like an Express receipt where they’ll give you the discount if you can show you bought your shirt within the last two weeks. Blackberry should be more like Express.


April 25, 2011 at 11:25 am

This is why I don’t trust anything technical. They trick you into giving them another chance. They work, then they don’t, then they do and I’m so attached and feel so badly for them, I keep them hoping they will cure themselves. I begin to lavish them with affection and consideration and how do they repay me? by dying within a month of my warranty expiring. ALWAYS happens. It’s a takeover, I’m sure of it.


April 25, 2011 at 11:25 am

You are a better woman than me. My iPhone died Friday night at around 7pm after my daughter drooled on it to death. Yes, that is possible. By 8pm, I had a brand new one. Also, did you know phone warranties don’t cover water damage? And if you try to tell them that there was no water damage, they will point out all these signs of water damage so you know that they know that you are lying?


April 25, 2011 at 11:42 am

So sorry for your loss. But as I have been telling my Husband, credit cards can make everything all right again.


awesome dude April 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Sorry for Alex,

Treo 680 is about $ 100.00 on e-bay.

It holds itself for about 3-4 years.


A Mommy in the City
April 25, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Don’t you hate it when those things happen? Poor Alex. I think you might need an i-phone! 😉


April 25, 2011 at 9:46 pm

A sad, sad day. Truly.

Don’t dismiss the faith healing. The husband’s iPod died and he took it to the Apple store, where they told him it was all over, he needed to get a new one [no longer under warranty].

So he waited about a month and lo and behold! It works again.


Kara April 25, 2011 at 9:58 pm

My sincere condolences on your loss.


annie April 25, 2011 at 11:23 pm

If i ever need it, will you be in charge of pulling my plug?


dusty earth mother April 26, 2011 at 9:58 am

I do stuff like this all the time. Drives my husband crazy. He doesn’t seem to understand how easy it is to use a credit card. What’s wrong with him?


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
April 26, 2011 at 11:09 am

I thought this was going to go in the direction of all other fallen Blackberrys – right over to the Apple store. I’m so glad that you have a new Blackberry so that if I ever see you in person, we can put our BBs on the table and people will stare at the vintage pieces of technology we have and tell us to go on Antiques Roadshow.


Twinisms April 26, 2011 at 12:19 pm

My iPhone is dying. Sometimes I tap, tap, tap on the screen but it does nothing. I think it has the beginnings of Alzheimer’s and has already forgotten my touch. I’m holding out for the iPhone 5. I hope she makes it…


April 26, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I’ve always wanted to be called &ut* but now you’ve dumped me AND the phone that could do it. Thanks a lot.


April 26, 2011 at 8:37 pm

The end of last month my HP laptop died on me again for the third time in three years. HP wanted to charge me $400 to have it fixed because my warranty expired. I gave all of their Indian customer service workers hell for three hours & ended up getting it fixed for $160. Just call me The Negotiator.


April 27, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Aww.. i think have a personal attachment to all my stuff too !! i cried when my 2 year old broke one of my show pieces :)… and i could NOT live without my phone 😀


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