Liar

by Marinka on April 19, 2011

My husband is driving me crazy.

Oh, don’t worry, I still love him, of course, but that man is incapable of lying.

And not just the white lies, like when I ask him if I look like I’ve lost weight and he looks at me and says “no, but I think you gained some.” But the off-white lies, as well.

Some people in my off-line life know that I have a blog, but most don’t. I blog anonymously, I use a nickname rather than my real name and I don’t post photographs of any identifying birthmarks.

I’ve always been anonymous, in large part because Husbandrinka wanted it that way. (Husbandrinka is not his real name.) So imagine my surprise when I came back from my trip to Mom 2.0 in New Orleans and he told me that he told everyone about my blog.

“What’s that now?” I asked, convinced that the cocktails and Bourbon Street had permanently affected that part of my brain that was responsible for processing information.

And he told me that when he was picking up our daughter from a party, one of the mothers asked where I was and he said at a “blogging conference.”

Apparently this mom was some kind of a CIA trained operative because she immediately guessed that I have a blog.

“Why did you tell her that I was at a blogging conference?” I asked.

“Because you were,” he said. I think this was the whole Women Are From Venus I Don’t Understand What the Fuck Men Are Talking About thing playing out right before my eyes.

“Yes, but we agreed not to tell anyone about it,” I spoke slowly. “Because the point of blogging anonymously is not telling people you know about it. Like the Witness Protection Program.”

“But she asked where you were. What am I supposed to do, lie?”

Blink.

BLINK.

“Of course you’re supposed to lie.”

“I guess I’m just not a liar,” he said.

I swear to God, sometimes it’s like I’m married to morally superior stranger.

In other news, welcome to my blog, dear friends!

I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about my blog for three years!

It’s one of the pitfalls of being a liar!

But you look great today, love your hair! (And don’t forget to check out my archives!)

One year ago ...

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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }

anna see April 19, 2011 at 12:07 am

Way to get outed. I’m sure all of your new/old friends will love your blog as much as we do. I hope you aren’t going to start getting all nice and everything.

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kirida
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 12:14 am

I’ve found that I don’t blab about my blog the way my husband does and he tells whoever is within earshot that I have a blog, here it is, double-you, double-you, double-you, etc…

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Denise April 19, 2011 at 12:22 am

Your husband’s name is not Husbandrinka. What’s next, you live in Topeka on a farm?

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Donna April 19, 2011 at 1:02 am

Wait a minute. This is too much for me to take in. You mean your husband’s name isn’t really Husbandrinka? I’m not sure I can go on reading.

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Alison@Mama Wants This
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 1:04 am

I’m amazed you managed to stay anonymous for 3 years. Did Husbandrika tell them specifically which blog is yours? 🙂

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Stasha
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 1:28 am

Could it be Husbadrinka is proud? Yep, that’s what I am going with…

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Jessica
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 2:34 am

I can’t believe that Husbandrinka is not his real name. Now that everyone knows about your blog will you be posting real names?

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Penbleth
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 5:31 am

Oh my. I like to pretend to be anonymous but then I send my blog to my FB and anyone can see it. Probably why I have very few real life friends on my FB.

Husbandrinka either really dropped you in it our got you a whole lot of new readers.

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From Belgium April 19, 2011 at 7:25 am

Now you have no choice but to enter the blogging protection program to protect your identity.

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elenka April 19, 2011 at 7:29 am

Since you claim to be the ‘liar’ in the family, you saying that Husbandrinka is not his real name must not be the truth. I know if I were his parents, gazing upon our new born son, Husbandrinka would be the name we would pick. Duh. You can’t fool us.

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ChiTown Girl April 19, 2011 at 7:29 am

Men really ARE stupid, aren’t they? It’s a good thing we love them anyway.

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Melizzard April 19, 2011 at 8:57 am

As long as he didn’t tell your mother! Oh wait that’s me that avoids telling anything to my mother. Carry on.

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getgoinggirly
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:28 am

My husband is a selective liar – perfectly willing to lie about the more self-serving issues in his life but equally willing to claim the the moral high ground when it doesn’t promote his best interests.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:40 am

I’m just glad I’m not the one who mistakenly outed you.

My husband is the king of white lies. You should be married to him.

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gigi
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

I would have just denied, denied, denied that this is your blog.

Great meeting you this weekend. You are as lovely as Wendi said. 🙂

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Mama Kat April 19, 2011 at 9:46 am

I bet someone was up late last night removing posts about daughter’s friends mothers. It’s time to come out of the closet.

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Ilana
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:46 am

You have a blog??? I had no idea.

You could have said you work for Truvia and were busy baking sugarfree conference cookies for the past four days.

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Truthful Mommy
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

Only a very few of my IRL friends know of my blog. But I’ve found out recently that they share it. That explains some of the oddball “you are an asshole” look I get sometimes at drop off. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that I sent out an email to my girls entire class’ parents with my blog as the signature .Oye! Of course, my husband does his part too. I wrote a post about my MIL telling my kid to lie to me.I wasn’t very nice. My brainiac husband thought it was hilarious to draw her attention to the post. What a moron. At least your husband only outed you no specifically pointed out an article:(

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b a seagull
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:47 am

next you will be saying ladrinka is not your sons real name. i don’t know what to believe anymore.

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Loukia April 19, 2011 at 9:48 am

Everyone I know reads my blog. I walked into church on Sunday, said hello to a lady, and the first thing she says to me? “I’m reading your blog now! You’re hilarious!” It’s nice to know everyone in the Greek community reads my blog, including my parents, but it limits who I can talk about, therefore, limiting a whole lot of awesome juicy stories. SADNESS!

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Vicki
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:48 am

He’s just following the traffic-boosting strategy they explained about in the conference, right?

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Paulette
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 9:58 am

HA! This was funny to read. Maybe he didn’t mean to out ya like that but man what a story! =) I am not a good liar, DH can be at times. I haven’t told many IRL people I blog and I’m pretty sure DH hasn’t either cause he’s still processing his WTH do you need to do that thoughts. I’ve ceased trying to explain it to him cause after all he’s just a man. Sadly, at times that’s about all one can say about them.

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Lin
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 10:02 am

That’s hilarious! It totally sounds like something my husband would do. Well…he sort of did. Then I had to be the ‘bad’ guy & inform everyone that they weren’t allowed to read it. Yeah, they didnt take it too well and don’t seem to understand how it’s ok for strangers to read my thoughts but not family, haha.

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Cool Dad
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 10:05 am

We kept our blog anonymous for two years. And then we realized that no one gave a crap who we were or not. Also, we got a picture in New York Magazine, and we really wanted to show it (and our faces).

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Kimberly April 19, 2011 at 11:26 am

It’s to time to get him back by telling people he really got you a stripper pole and forced you to attend a stripper conference so you would know how to use it.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm

LOL!!!

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Keyona
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 11:44 am

Shouldn’t be a problem as ling as you don’t start watering down your shit. Your shit is good just the way it is.

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Alexandra
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Oh, no!!

Will you still be able to free blog?

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alisha April 19, 2011 at 12:18 pm

so, the post? awesome. the comments? proof of awesome. god i love blogging, but i would be sooooo pissed if i was outed. oh wait, i use my real name. guess it wouldn’t be that hard. well there goes that.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Hahahaha…I’m a pretty shitty liar myself as well as a huge blabbermouth so in ever tried to keep a secret.

Who knows? Maybe it’s for the best!

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Does that mean your dad’s name isn’t Awesome Dude?

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carrien (she laughs at the days) April 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm

“it’s like I’m married to morally superior stranger” lol

My mother tells everyone, grocery store clerks, co-workers, and random people at the bus stop about my blog. But she lives in Canada so I figured I was safe and semi-anonymous, also she has no computer skills, so it was years before she actually managed to read it.

But the day I felt outed was when a woman I barely knew at church told me that someone had sent her one of my posts and that she really identified with it. That was weird, much more weird than a random stranger reading it every day.

But she and I are friends now, so I think it was for the best.

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tracy
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm

This isn’t your real blog is it?

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awesome dude April 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Very few people who I know know about your blog.

But, thankfully, I do not know many people.

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Suniverse
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Wait. Husbandrinka’s name isn’t Husbandrinka? Is your name not Marinka?

I need to lay down.

I don’t think I’d like it if the husband told people I had a blog. Gah. I’m tensing up just thinking about it.

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Suzy
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Oprah said when the phone rings at their (16 homes) and Stedman yells “It’s for you!” she used to say, “Tell them I’m in the tub.” Then he would ask, “Are you IN the tub?” and she would stupidly say “no.”

So he refused to lie for her and she learned to jump into the tub and yell back “Yes.”

My point here is that you’re both married to people who will TELL THE POLICE YOU SHOT THE DELIVERY BOY WHERE YOUR SUPER SECRET HIDEOUT IS. Assholes.

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Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Oh, so that WASN’T your identifying birthmark in People magazine last week? I’m impressed you’ve stay anonymous for this long!

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Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I LOVE this. Men are so flippin’ stupid.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 8:53 pm

As if there weren’t approximately one MILLION responses he could have given that were both the truth and not the whole truth. Such as, “she went to New Orleans to meet up with some friends” or “on a girls’ weekend away” or “taking a mini-vacation.” Seriously, you might need to change his blog name from Husbandrinka to Literalinka if he thinks he has to answer every question with the God’s honest literal whole truth.

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Melanie
Twitter:
April 19, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Okay, so this woman knows you have a blog but do they know which blog is your blog? :-))) I mean there are a gazillion of them out there, right? Anyone of them could be yours. Unless Husbandrinka told her the name of your blog. No!

Typical husband, huh? It’s like you have to leave them cue cards on what to say and what not to say when you’re away.

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annie April 19, 2011 at 11:54 pm

well crap – what did he do, hand out cards with your web address on it? this might be why i can’t join you in miami….where do i tell people i went? rehab or something???

they might buy that.

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
April 20, 2011 at 1:29 am

You married someone who can’t lie? Ouch. How on earth is one supposed to stay married “till death do you part” and all that if you can’t lie to one another? I’m going to have to rethink my whole paradigm here.

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Miss Britt
Twitter:
April 20, 2011 at 2:56 am

This is good news because I went to a book panel this weekend and they said it would be very, very difficult to get a book published if you tried to be anonymous.

And you, my dear, need to bind this shit up in a book.

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dusty earth mother April 20, 2011 at 9:27 am

I love people who don’t know how to lie. Count your blessings. But now I am fascinated to read the first comment from the mothers you’ve been holding out on all these years. *shiver*

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Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
April 21, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Wait, I thought this was a discount travel site? What the fuck have I been reading all this time?

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shafeena
Twitter:
April 21, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Hahaha ! this is hilarious :D… unlike my husband who is a chronic liar 😀

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Mwa (Lost in Translation) April 28, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Horror of horrors! If mine ever does that, he will get kicked in his blogs.
My sister has outed me to a couple of people but she has no blogs.

Reply

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