In August my family and I are going to Montana, which sounds really great, except in August my family and I are going to Montana.
It’s sort of a long story which I will try to make a lot longer by adding irrelevant details and perhaps a car chase or two, but basically, my daughter has a really good friend who lives in Montana and after this Montanan visits us in New York we’ll fly her back. And then, instead of saying, “well, here you are, home at last,” and heading back to the airport to get back to New York where we belong, we are going to “have a vacation” and “see a bit of Montana” and some of the auxiliary states that are apparently next to it.
I don’t really understand it.
On the one hand, I’m really excited because I’ve never been to Montana. On the other hand, I’ve been warned by some friends who have been to Montana that the WiFi is “spotty” and that the food in Yellowstone is horrific. Also something about animals being in the park, but I’m sure they were just saying that to take the sting out of the whole “WiFi is spotty” lead balloon that they dropped on me.
I’ve already had several discussions with Husbandrinka about our trip and we have negotiated a settlement about the things that I will and will not do on this trip. I assume that publishing it here makes it legally binding, so please be prepared to testify on my behalf and have bail ready:
I will go on a hike.
I will not sleep in a tent.
I will make up to 5 exclamations complimenting the natural beauty of the state.
I will not refrain from making gagging noises at the food.
I will take an interest in the historical significance of the sites we explore. Limited to three. And cannot be combined with the natural beauty of the state comments, previously discussed.
I will not know what I am talking about.
I will not sing “Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam” even though Montana is supposed to have buffalo. Which are probably roaming.
I will be allowed to refer to Yellowstone Park as Jellystone up to six times throughout the trip. (No one called that there is a limit to the pre-trip calling it Jellystone, so I’m enjoying that already.)
I checked with my friend Annie who lives in Montana and she gave me lots of great ideas/destinations to visit. And also told me that there’s a volcano around there that’s in a constant state if near-eruption. But no one knows when it will erupt because, duh, they don’t have WiFi.
I’ll just have to pre-read all of the internet before we go.
One year ago ...