Oy

by Marinka on August 12, 2009

Yesterday, I was going along my day like a normal person and then suddenly I felt Very Sick so I rushed home at top speed to crawl into bed and watch emergency afternoon TV, as needed. Except I had to stop at the supermarket to get some tea because I don’t normally drink tea and I couldn’t be sure what we had at home, and a lemon, because the last thing I need is scurvy on top of whatever the hell I have now and also some Entenmann’s because, duh, it’s delicious.

Except I almost had a cardiac incident because I walked through the whole store and couldn’t find any Entenmann’s and then I was all “OMG what if they had discontinued Entenmann’s because the last time I had some was like 20 years ago.” But I asked the supermarket matron and she directed me to the Corner of Shame where the Entenmann’s was stacked. I don’t understand why it has to be tucked away like that, where people in crisis can’t locate it easily.

But fine. I found it. Except I couldn’t find the Walnut Ring, which is what I wanted, nor the Pecan Ring, which was totally runner-up. So I had to settle for Cheese Danish Buns, which will do in a pinch but is no one’s Last Meal. Anyway.

I slither home, make tea, have a cheese danish or two and fall into bed. Except now I feel feverish, so I call John to say what I’m certain is my last farewell and he says, “What’s that chewing sound?” and so I have to go through this whole Entenmann’s fiasco with him, utilizing what is no doubt my last bits of oxygen. And then I lay it on him. I think I have the swine flu and he says, “why, because you’re eating like a pig?” which is totally hurtful and not just to the pig.

So then we started to do some internet research, and have you seen the Entenmann’s website? Don’t look if you tend to get seizures, but otherwise,it’s a can’t miss. So John and I are totally hypnotized by the website over the phone and then he tells me to make sure to delete the history because if we die in the night, and someone finds us, they’ll be all “oh, those poor fucks. Died looking at cakes”. And I’d rather they say something like “that Marinka, trying to advance humanity,” so I’ll be leaving Blogging With Integrity on my screen when I go to sleep tonight.

Good bye.
and Achoo.
and, possibly, oink.
Knock wood, of course.

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