A few months ago I decided that I wanted to have our kitchen/dining room area painted and things haven’t been the same since.
Husbandrinka took the news hard.
“What do you mean painted?” He asked, semi-clutching his chest and reaching for Bayer.
“I mean have the walls painted,” I explained as gently as I could, “just a solid color, I haven’t asked Michelangelo to recreate the Sistine Chapel or anything.” Because that would be pricey, and not to belabor the point, but we are on a budget. Besides I’m Jewish and don’t need to have a piece of the Vatican with me at all times.
“I don’t know about this,” Husbandrinka shook his head, but I noticed that color started to return to his cheeks.
My friends reacted as though I had announced something a lot more substantial, like that I was planning gender reassignment. Oh, they were supportive, but confused. Wondering whether they’d missed a sign somewhere along the way that I was unhappy with my birth gender. I mean my walls.
“Why do you want to paint?” Charlotte asked when she was over.
“Because the walls are dirty and could use freshening up,” I explained. She shrugged. And suggested that I needed lower watt lightbulbs.
Obviously she has her own paint issues to work through.
But one friend came through.
“I love to paint!” Susan said.
Susan is my friend who can do anything.
Including volunteering for a paint job.
“Fantastic!” I said. “When can you get started?”
Unfortunately, she thought that we would paint together.
“Oh, like an I Love Lucy episode?” I asked. Because I like TV. And what’s not to love about I Love Lucy?!
She didn’t love that idea. So she sent me a list of supplies that I needed and Young Ladrinka and I headed over to our local Home Depot. Who by the way is not sponsoring this post because they are anti-semites.
I got the brushes, and the rollers and the attachments to the rollers and blue tape (I assume that’s for pre-marking the body for the police in case one of us perishes mid-paint) but when it came to the paint, I was stumped. Susan suggested that I get Baer low-odor paint, which despite my love of a cheap high, I conceded was a great idea. But the problem was when I went to get “White”, they had quite a few shades. Which is super racist.
“OMG!” I told Young Ladrinka, who was fashioning a noose from extension cords. Home Depot has that effect on some people. “What’s with all these white colors?” I started taking samples. “There are so many whites to choose from, I’m going to have to show these to Husbandrinka,” I explained. Assuming Husbandrinka’s cardiologist gave the go-ahead, of course.
Young Ladrinka disagreed with my choices.
Here are some samples that each of us picked.
I know it’ll be hard to figure out which is which, but try. TRY.
The painting is this Saturday morning.
If you want to swing by.