If You Tell One Person

by Marinka on October 20, 2012

My fellow Mouthy Housewives and I have been keeping a secret.

In August we started a Twitter parody account, @PaulRyanGosling, which melds the horror of knuckle-dragger Paul Ryan and the dreaminess of DNA-winner Ryan Gosling.

We wanted to tweet anonymously, so took an Omertà oath of silence. Just about being the ones behind @PaulRyanGosling, not as a lifestyle choice. But of course I had to tell one person. And unfortunately for me, I chose Husbandrinka.

Let me set the stage for you.

A Twitter account that we created goes viral, has thousands of followers in less than a week, content gets retweeted within seconds of posting by dozens of people, the handle is praised by the Huffington Post, gets a shout out by Rachel Maddow, is on Buzzfeed and Mashable and the New York Daily News. I tell Husbandrinka, expecting, well, if not diamonds exactly, something along the lines of semi-precious gems and a declaration of “he knew it all along that I’d be part of something wonderful and not just because the people including me in the being part of something wonderful part were getting tax breaks to include me” but that’s not how my life works.

Husbandrinka’s reaction was less “how great!” and more “you know that’s not his name, right?”

“Not whose name?” I asked. I’m telling you, Mars and Venus.

“Paul Ryan’s. It’s just Paul Ryan, not Gooseling.”

“Gosling. There’s an actor Ryan Gosling.”

“Is he related to Paul Ryan?”

“What? No. Why would he be related to Paul Ryan? Because they have the same last/first name?”

“It’s possible.”

“No it’s not possible. That’s ridiculous. In the history of life on earth that has never happened.”

“Gore Vidal and Al Gore.”

“That is the exception to the rule that people are not related to other people whose first name is the same as your last name.”

“There is no such rule.”

“ANYWAY. They are not related. Ryan Gosling is an actor and Paul Ryan is an asshole.”

“So why are you calling him Paul Ryan Gosling?”

“For..fun?”

“And what’s this hey girl? It’s in almost every twitter.”

“TWEET. Twitter is the platform and each individual tweet is called a tweet.”

“Ok.”

“And yes, hey girl, is part of the meme.”

“Am I supposed to know what a meme is?”

“It’s this clever thing that gets repeated-”

“How can anything that is repeated be clever? Repetition makes it the opposite of clever.”

“OMG. FORGET IT. Forget I said anything.”

“Alright, but you seemed excited about this thing, so I’d like to understand.”

* * *

So the moral is, if you decide to tell a big secret to only one person, choose carefully. And obviously don’t make it Husbandrinka.

One year ago ...

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Becky
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 8:48 am

Hey girl(s)…you rock. The @paulryangosling twitter is the only political news update I consider valid.

Reply

suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 8:58 am

I think we might have had the same reaction here, with a similarly clueless spouse. Some people don’t even deserve the wonder that is the Internet.

Congratulations! Only you kept your secret too well – I didn’t even hear of this account until last week. Now I have to go back and read all those Chirps. I mean, Tweets.

Reply

Anna Lefler
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 9:30 am

I’m so out of the loop! Now I need to go back and read the tweets to catch up. In the meantime, congrats on the hilarious concept and tasty hype. You guys are awesome…

XOXO

A.

Reply

Mom101
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 9:34 am

Now when the real Ryan Gosling calls and asks to run away with you, you have a perfectly valid excuse.

Reply

magpie October 20, 2012 at 11:10 am

Hey girl, I adore you.

Reply

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

At least he didn’t spill your secret before you wanted to spill it yourself, right? Well, it’s not like he knew enough to tell anyone anyway.

Reply

Nelly
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Love it! And I must admit I love it even more knowing you fine ladies were behind it this whole time.

Reply

anna see October 20, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I loved finding out yesterday that you brilliant ladies were behind this! Makes it even more fun.

Husbandrinka just doesn’t get it…

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
October 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Don’t tell me your secrets either. I accidently blab, I swear.

Reply

anymommy October 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I never doubted you’d go viral with something, but this was hilarious. And really, who needs Husbandrinka’s validation when you have the Huffington Post?

Reply

tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
October 21, 2012 at 8:06 am

Don’t make him feel too bad as I don’t know who Ryan Gosling is either.

Reply

Ann
Twitter:
October 21, 2012 at 9:34 am

This is the best “If you give a pig a pancake” yet.

Reply

Stasha
Twitter:
October 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Hey girl, those twitters are the bomb.

Reply

Marta
Twitter:
October 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I can’t believe that’s you! @paulryangosling is pure genius. I suppose that’s why I should have realized its you!

Reply

Alexandra October 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

BEST damn explanation of a meme ever: “It’s this clever thing that gets repeated-”

And here I’ve been going on with examples and all and etc.

Reply

Alexandra October 23, 2012 at 12:03 am

ALSO:

Each of you, the funniest people I’ve ever known, except for my high school pothead boyfriend.

He cracked me up.

Reply

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