by Marinka on August 21, 2010

Today I’m preparing for our two week vacation.

This is not easy, as apparently I spent the week leading up to today preparing for a liver transplant by going out with friends to establishments that served drinks like The Anna Karenina Martini and discussing things like whether we’re too old for Brazilian waxes or whatever the hell it is that the kids are doing these days.  I also managed to shoehorn some lively debates about the Mosque at or near Ground Zero and ponder that perhaps I’m not as smart as I thought I was because I although I am super liberal and generally approve of civil liberties, I’m not happy about the Mosque being there.

So today is the day that I have to do laundry and some other odds and ends, like buying sunblock and getting a new bathing suit.

Despite our  pending freeze, a new bathing suit jumped from the want to the need category because (a) we’re going to the beach and (b) my old bathing suit is mis-shapen.  When I mentioned “b” to John the poor thing almost bit right through his tongue.

This morning I discussed bathing suit options with Husbandrinka.

“I’m thinking of getting a bikini,” I warned him.

“That’s a great idea,” he said, a little too quickly.


“Of course. Why not?” he confirmed.

Because I didn’t marry a moron.

So I waddled to a Wet Seal and they had a rack of bikini remnants, reasonably priced at $7 each.  Which is very affordable, except I estimated that I’d need about 4 tops for each breasticle.  Good Lord, I’m still trying to get the image of myself in that horror out of my mind.  Let’s just say if I wore that to the beach, the oil spill would be the least of anyone’s problems.   And then I had a denim shorts trying on experience which I’d totally tell you about, but it’s just too soon.

Part 2 of the bikini will be this afternoon.  Depending on how it goes, I may check in on that Anna Karenina martini.  Especially if they serve it by the train tracks!

(For a brief review of what it’s like for me to begin a vacation that involves a fucking ferry crossing, go here!)

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Slow Panic
August 21, 2010 at 12:19 pm

We go to a beach where there is a minimum of young people and tons of retired people. Cuts down on the sighting of women who look really good in bikinis reminding me why I am not wearing one….


August 21, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I have the dreaded side boobs, along with rocks in socks, which make it darn near impossible to buy a bikini that fits properly. Here’s hoping you have better luck than me. And a FUN vacay!


the mama bird diaries
August 21, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I’ve been looking for a bathingsuit these days b/c 3 months post partum, I’ve been wearing a maternity bathing suit with a bra under it. But the bathing suit racks are a bit empty this time of year


Jonathan August 21, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Hopefully there will be no hurricanes this year. Love your soymilk video on Mouthy Housewives site!


Scary Mom August 21, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Ugh, the amount of times I ask my husband if I should buy a bikini and he replies with a well-thought ‘erm… well… erm… well… if you think you’d be comfortable…” – it makes me wonder why I ever fucking married him. x


tracey August 21, 2010 at 5:54 pm

I keep looking for a bathing suit that makes my thighs smaller. It’s surprisingly difficult.


K-Line August 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Ms. Marinka: Pls. go on and find yourself a gorgeous Freya suit (which will allow you to have tits and an ass – covered fabulously). Srsly. Every woman should have a bathing suit that fits. So if you’re not 22 and you have actual breasts, let’s say, the Freya sizing is just the thing. Oh, and the suits are freakin’ hot.


August 21, 2010 at 7:58 pm

So very funny. I’m going back to read it again, because I love to laugh.

Thank you, you always do that for me. Thank you.


anymommy August 21, 2010 at 8:21 pm

The fun of this post was stolen from me when my good friend ruined the entire plot this morning at the lake. This is what I get for starting a Marinka fanclub on the border of Idaho. I hope you’re happy.


Loukia August 21, 2010 at 11:14 pm

Bikini wearing is not the same today as it once was. Sadness. 🙁


August 22, 2010 at 8:25 am

Why not sign up for the new mosque, then you could wear a burqa to the beach – win-win!


Bitchin Amy
August 22, 2010 at 10:14 am

If I was forced to wear a bikini, I would definitely join you with the Anna Karenina Martini on the tracks.

Have a wonderful vacation in your lovely one-piece!


dusty earth mother August 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

Good luck on covering those breasticles. I love that word, by the way. Did you make it up? Have a fab vacation and don’t think about denim shorts. At all.


frogmama August 22, 2010 at 4:49 pm

I understand. I had a denim shorts experience back in ’98 and it’s still too soon to talk about it. Take your time. We’ll be here.


Grace August 23, 2010 at 9:27 am

My puppy grabbed the top to my bathing suit (it was drying on the side of the tub) and took off with it this morning. We had a tug of war, and the bikini top lost. So I’m here to warn you that puppies and bikini tops don’t mix well. You might have to choose one or the other.


deborah quinn
August 23, 2010 at 2:33 pm

wear the bikini. You, being blonde and a “drinka’ will rock the two-piece. My thinking about two-piece bathing suits went something like this: a one-piece just streeeeeetches across my brioche-like belly and calls attention to it that way–and sure as HELL doesn’t “disguise” it. There ain’t enough ruching in the world for that. So what the fuck. No one is looking at me on the beach anyway so why not get as tan as I can, instead of coming home from vacay with the dreaded white fish-belly of death.
But that’s just me. And Block Island is lovely lovely lovely and worth all the vomit in the world to get there, but you should certainly stay and blog from there. I like Motherhood on the BLock, b/c there’s that nice double-ness about maybe you’re selling motherhood. Which wouldn’t that be nice?


Kate Shields
August 24, 2010 at 3:17 pm

You are FREAKING funny — this one is GREAT. Wet Seal. That alone is good.


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