Reality Bites

by Marinka on October 5, 2010

One of the things that I love about Husbandrinka is that he is not a liar. Like genetically unable to lie. Since I like to lie as much as possible and then defend myself on the grounds of Caucasian lie, his honesty is really admirable. Except when it’s ridiculous.

The other night we were discussing something and I mentioned that in all of my 43 years I’ve never heard anything quite so ridiculous. (Another lie.) And he said, “really? You’re 43? Huh.”
And I was like, “What do you mean, huh? Did you think younger or older?”
And instead of lying like a normal person and saying, “Younger of course! Decades younger! Why, I’ve been worried sick for getting a ticket for cradle robbery” he says, “Older.”
OLDER?
But don’t worry, he explains it, “You are just so mature.”

Fortunately, I have Sister Wives to turn to in my time of need. (By the way, if you’re not watching Sister Wives, a reality show about a polygamous marriage, please place yourself immediately on blog-reader probation until further notice.) I figure I could get some marital advice from these polygamous ladies because the show airs on Discovery, so it’s practically science. And one of them (you know, the insane one) has a great saying along the lines of “if your marriage is in trouble, add a third wife.” Which I think we can all agree is fantastic advice, except for people like me and Husbandrinka who didn’t think ahead and never got around to getting that elusive second wife.

I tell you, the To Do list just gets longer and longer.

Fortunately, I also get lots of free advice from The A-List, which is being touted as Housewives with balls. Although I’m pretty sure that Danielle has a bigger pair than anyone on Logo. Or on World Wide Wrestling, for that matter. I’m recapping The A-List for The Stir, so please visit me over there, and comment, so that they don’t take my A-List away from me.

Also, because I can’t not share this, what the hell is going on with grilled cheese sandwiches?

One year ago ...

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Awesome dude October 5, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Could not really follow you on this one.

In the Caucasus Mountains it was the elder wife job to bring the younger wife home. They usually looked for them in the public bath houses.

Please do not look for one in the Bleecker Street bath.

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CSY October 5, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Sometimes I wonder if adding a second wife to the equation would be a good thing…then I remember that if I added any MORE people to my marriage I would NOT be the only one getting the life insurance…so he’s stuck with me (and I’m woman enough from what he says…is that a compliment or is he being ugly? Should I send this question to the Mouthy Housewives for advice?)

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alexandra
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 12:27 pm

I have to see these shows, don’t I?

I know I do.

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Issa
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 1:00 pm

That’s it, I’m calling my grilled cheese gourmet from here on out. Sounds much better.

The one whose life goal it was to be a third wife? I have no words for that.

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anna see October 5, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Hmmm, must figure out how to add things to my DVR.

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annie October 5, 2010 at 2:47 pm

I was in a store yesterday and saw a Jesus “toast stamp”….you can actually stamp your bread before you toast it so that Jesus appears when it’s done. I’ll send you one. Should it be “in care of” you or wife #2?

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Peajaye
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 3:23 pm

After reading this post and your review of “The A List,” I am convinced you are in cahoots with Fred Phelps in trying to convert gays to straights.

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A Mom on Spin October 5, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Finally!

The world is coming around to my way of eating. . .

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Karen at French Skinny October 5, 2010 at 8:26 pm

I accidentally saw “Sister Wives” the other night. I couldn’t not watch it. It’s fantastic. So yesterday my kid was having a hard time playing with the little girl next door and I invited a “3rd” kid over to play. It worked. They became best friends again and the other kid…..well, we had grilled cheese sandwiches.

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kiki October 5, 2010 at 8:55 pm

we had grilled cheese sammiches for dinner tonight. i burned them actually. i’m a failure in the kitchen, so i think it’s time Beau and i invited a 2nd “wife” into our marriage. she can do all the cooking and cleaning and “other” stuff and i can just get mani-pedis and snack and shop all day. me likey that idea. oh, i have Sister Wives DVRd but haven’t gotten around to watching it yet. i saw the trailer and no one is attractive, especially the husband. he must be rich or hung like a horse. i do watch Big Love, so i’m sure i’ll enjoy the show. take care.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Love your thinking. If I could get a second wife to have babies, do laundry, clean, cook, & grocery shop so I could … well do nothing, I’d sign up in a heartbeat.

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Keyona
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 9:47 pm

The real question is….is that a tv guide of some sort. Also relayed, who the hell uses those anymore? You know, besides you?

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 10:39 pm

I really wish you would start watching Project Runway and The Rachel Zoe Project. We would be so much closer.

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dusty earth mother October 5, 2010 at 11:20 pm

Uh oh. I’ve never even heard of “Sister Wives”. I hope that’s not grounds for immediate blog-reader dismissal.

Hey Marinka, if you have a hot minute, come visit my blog today. I just launched my redesign and there’s a wee mention of a certain fair-skinned girl in a flowered dress.

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Truthful Mommy
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 11:23 pm

LOL! Well, we could never do sister wives here. My husband has given me a resounding HELL NO! He says all the sex in the world is not worth dealing with another hormonal PMSer, even if it is only once a month.He says he’d rather die of starvation first.Then again my husband is the habitual liar in the relationship and I am the one who can not physically lie. SO, he’s probably lying.I’m headed out to find a sister wife, any idea where the hell I’d find a bath house in the Chicago land area?

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Glamamom
Twitter:
October 6, 2010 at 12:04 am

Haven’t seen it and fear it will be one of those shows that makes me very angry and I’ll be all yelling at the screen or trying to engage my husband in a conversation about it and well, you know how that goes.

Btw, are you really in your 43? I saw you earlier this summer and would swear you weren’t a day over 42.

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Jill
Twitter:
October 6, 2010 at 2:24 am

My husband told me that he can’t even think about bringing on another wife … it’s twice as much agita as he can handle with just me.

I”m guessing a threesome (I mean third wife) is totally out of the equation…

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From Belgium October 6, 2010 at 4:47 am

May I be excused from watching ‘sister wives’. We don’t get that show in Europe. But please feel free to speak to the network people on my behalf.

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Hippo Brigade
Twitter:
October 6, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Sister Wives looks weird. I feel like if I watch it will make me feel dirty. I’ll stick with the Duggars. They’re happy and wholesome, and instead of having lots of wives, they have lots of babies. And I’ll take lots of babies over lots of wives any day.

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