Semantics

by Marinka on February 3, 2012

The other day I was emailing with my “friend” Peajaye and mentioned how Husbandrinka was going to be spending the night in the homeless shelter. He does that as volunteer work at his church. And when I say ‘his church’ I mean the church that he attends, lest you think that he leads a congregation.

So Peajaye writes back I know it’s silly of me, but every time you tell me that he’s sleeping in the homeless shelter, I can’t help thinking, “Yeah, right.” It just sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie.”

Which of course got me thinking. How could I have been so trusting, innocently drinking Chardonnay while Husbandrinka was in all likelihood betraying me? It’s hard to argue with a Lifetime movie reference.

I decided to confront Husbandrinka.

“Peajaye thinks you’re a huge liar and are having an affair,” I told him as he got ready to “go to the shelter.” I didn’t want to confuse him with a whole Lifetime movie reference because Husbandrinka is a heterosexual male. Some things are over their heads, the poor dears.

“Oh, yeah?” he said, cool as a cucumber that has been refrigerated. “Why don’t you come with me, then?”

“Because I’m not into threesomes,” I thought. This is how Newt’s second marriage ended, after all. I know about family values.

“Really, it wouldn’t kill you to do some volunteer work?” Husbandrinka is now insisting.

He’s good.

And now I’m so focused on trying to get out of this do-good stuff that I’ve completely forgotten about his mistress.

But I do remember that all of this is Peajaye’s fault.

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Megan February 3, 2012 at 10:57 am

I think it’s very irresponsible of your husband to assume volunteer work wouldn’t kill you. You could go to a soup kitchen, spill scalding hot soup on your arm, leaving you with a 2nd-degree burn, which could get infected with some antibiotic-resistant bacteria and the next thing you know you’re gathering your family to your side a la “Terms of Endearment.”

Doesn’t he care about your family?

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b a seagull
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 10:58 am

Does Husbandrinka think you just fell off of the turnip truck?

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Catherine Dabels
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

That blasted Peajaye. Homewrecker.

Sort of.

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Awesome Dude February 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

He can do what he likes to do, but please do not fall for that volunteer crap, I have done all the “pro bono” stuff for a few generations in our family to come.

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Cranky Old Man
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Oh, your husband is GOOD! And fast on his feet. Homeless Shelter? This is way better than working late or got a flat tire! He is one step ahead of Lifetime Movie Network!!

Or

He may be a really good guy.
Cranky Old Man

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Krissy
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Boy, he sure got you distracted quick, huh? Hmmmm…

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Peajaye
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Look, I thought I’d read somewhere that NYC shelters didn’t have enough beds to accomodate all their homeless as it was. So I was just wondering why Husbandrinka was taking up a precious resource. That’s all. And why it took all night to cook soup. Especially when I’d read somewhere (this blog?) that Husbandrinka didn’t really know how to cook. And why he needed to bring a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates with him. Really, I was just wondering.

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Ilana
Twitter:
February 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Does this mean that you are now also sleeping at a homeless shelter?? I knew you were cheating on me.

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Alexandra February 4, 2012 at 12:15 am

You have met your match.

Husbandrinka is gooood.

Put it all on you.

You stand no chance when asked to help out at a HOMELESS shelter while you have 3 squares and a cot.

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Steph February 4, 2012 at 1:16 am

peajaye totally set you up. and was in cahoots (sp?) with husbandrinka to get you to volunteer. you may need the bloggess to help you get retribution.

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Becky
Twitter:
February 4, 2012 at 7:56 am

You had me at Lifetime movie….

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
February 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

I’m trying to decide whether I’d rather spend the night in a homeless shelter or let my husband sleep with another woman. I. Am. Torn.

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dusty earth mother February 4, 2012 at 10:35 pm

You should use that night to learn Mandarin and surprise him when he gets home.

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kristen howerton
Twitter:
February 5, 2012 at 11:52 pm

My husband has a longstanding fantasy of spending the nights on the street with the homeless. Do you think that’s code for something else? Oy.

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