The other day I was emailing with my “friend” Peajaye and mentioned how Husbandrinka was going to be spending the night in the homeless shelter. He does that as volunteer work at his church. And when I say ‘his church’ I mean the church that he attends, lest you think that he leads a congregation.
So Peajaye writes back I know it’s silly of me, but every time you tell me that he’s sleeping in the homeless shelter, I can’t help thinking, “Yeah, right.” It just sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie.”
Which of course got me thinking. How could I have been so trusting, innocently drinking Chardonnay while Husbandrinka was in all likelihood betraying me? It’s hard to argue with a Lifetime movie reference.
I decided to confront Husbandrinka.
“Peajaye thinks you’re a huge liar and are having an affair,” I told him as he got ready to “go to the shelter.” I didn’t want to confuse him with a whole Lifetime movie reference because Husbandrinka is a heterosexual male. Some things are over their heads, the poor dears.
“Oh, yeah?” he said, cool as a cucumber that has been refrigerated. “Why don’t you come with me, then?”
“Because I’m not into threesomes,” I thought. This is how Newt’s second marriage ended, after all. I know about family values.
“Really, it wouldn’t kill you to do some volunteer work?” Husbandrinka is now insisting.
And now I’m so focused on trying to get out of this do-good stuff that I’ve completely forgotten about his mistress.
But I do remember that all of this is Peajaye’s fault.