Sleepover Lies

by Marinka on March 14, 2011

Unless you’re an insane lunatic, you know that the most important part of parenting is to make sure that you never, ever host another child for a sleepover.

Because sleepover is a fucking misnomer. It’s more like a nosleepover. Which is fine if the kids are at someone else’s house. And not fine if they’re at yours.

I know this. I’ve known this for years.

And yet.

On Tuesday, Young Ladrinka came home and told me that he and Ben wanted to have a sleepover. Because they’re great friends and/or Ben just got a new Playstation XBox/99 Virgins combo and Young Ladrinka was excited to try it out.

He wanted to know if Saturday was ok. Was Saturday ok? Why, that’s one of my favorite days of rest! And if my angel from heaven wants to spend it at a friend’s house, I’m certainly not going to stop him! Sure, I’ll miss my baby with all eight chambers of my heart, but he must be with his friends! To socialize! Enjoy! Have fun! I’ll just sit here, or maybe on a bar stool, and think about how they grow up so fast. Almost as fast as I’m downing this Cosmo! Gulp!

Young Ladrinka called Ben to deliver the good news. It was all set! I could practically hear Ben’s parents nodding on the other end of the line in anticipation of welcoming Young Ladrinka into their fold! They were in for a treat! And perhaps an increase in their insurance premiums.

“It’s all set,” he told me when he got off the phone. Well, he also added that he’d appreciate an iPhone for his birthday so that he wouldn’t have to borrow my Blackberry to make calls, but the important thing was that the sleepover was set! At their house!

Like a perfectly reasonable person, I wanted to have written confirmation.

I fired up my email.

Hi, I wrote to Ben’s parents. I hear the boys are having a sleepover on Saturday– Young Ladrinka is super excited! And then, confident that the logistics were all set in stone, I decided to throw in a Whose house? Either one is great with us!

Now obviously I only added that because I assumed that Ben’s parents signed off on the sleepover at their house and I wanted to appear polite risk-free. Who could blame me?

I certainly didn’t expect his dad to retaliate with a Fantastic! If it’s okay with you, can we drop him off at 3?

When I came to, the paramedics were administering smelling salts to and laughing at my collection of US Weekly Magazines by my bedside.

But there was nothing I could do. I certainly couldn’t let Ben’s parents think that I was a disingenuous liar who fake invited their child to my house only because I’d been assured that he would not be able to accept the invitation.

Perfect! I wrote back. Can’t wait! The earlier the better!

I was worried that I was laying it on a bit thick, but there was no turning back. That’s why being polite is always a huge mistake.

__________________
Post partum: The sleepover went great and I have no complaints about Ben, which sucks because now I have no blog fodder.

Post Post Partum: Don’t forget to superlike The Mouthy Housewives on Facebook.

One year ago ...

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 3:03 am

My child has just entered the age of wanting to have sleepovers and you are correct, they are nosleepovers. The kids stay up all night and then they wake up early in the morning. At least this sleepover went well for you, maybe next time it won’t and then you will have some more blog fodder.

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Noelle March 14, 2011 at 3:23 am

The problem we have is that my daughter (6 yo) is a total night owl and all of her friends wake up at the crack of dawn. Which means no sleep for me. Which means no sleepovers until one side comes around!

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From Belgium March 14, 2011 at 6:02 am

This is why we have a garden : they can have a sleepover in a tent…

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christy March 14, 2011 at 7:23 am

Ooh I like the tent sleepover idea above! And you are such an awesome mom – I’m sure I would’ve been like 3pm? Umm, how about 6pm? But I’m mean.

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Leadia@TheBreeder'sDigest March 14, 2011 at 9:11 am

Three out of my five children are of sleepover age and all three of them exercised their rights this weekend. It felt like a youth hostel around here.

As far as my two little ones go – lesson learned. I’m going all Tiger Mom on them.

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Stimey
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 9:44 am

I almost stopped reading after your first sentence because you kind of encapsulated everything I think about parenting right there. I LOVE sleepovers…at someone else’s house. Unfortunately, I think there is some sort of Fairness in Sleepovers Clause, which means that eventually you have to extend an invitation.

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Rebecca March 14, 2011 at 10:11 am

I think you have learned the lesson right? Dont confirm by email or better yet just drop off your kid. I bet Ben’s parents had a woderful kid-less saturday 😉

I used to have sleepovers all the time and it was usually about 4 friends…but hey at least we rotated houses so its not like my mom hosted every single one.

They were fun! for me of course. I am sure my mom lost plenty of sleep but not too worry…. I am paying for it now, thanks to my baby. Karma

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I hate sleepovers.

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 12:17 pm

In a strange twist of fate, both my daughters found themselves sleeping over at a friend’s house this past Saturday night. It was too good to be true and I’ll probably find myself inadvertently hosting a nosleepover for a thousand squealing tweens and teens as my punishment.

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anymommy March 14, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Thank you for continuing to remind me to hold my ground against the sleepover. I’m standing strong. Liquid courage! Gulp!

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Issa
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I’d like to go back in time and smack the first kid who said, hey, can she sleep over tonight?

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Yuliya
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Wait I am confused about something (shut up), wasn’t the purpose of the sleepover to play some fancy video game over at the OTHER kid’s house? How did Ladrinka survive this unfair change of plans?

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Sarah March 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Hi! OMG, I just found your site because I did an interview with Jane from Jane’s Junk and Treasures and she said that this is one of her fave sites. I linked to you on my blog (linda075blog.blogspot.com). Anyway, I have a 14 year old and a 11 year old and have so far successfully avoided having sleepovers (at my house) by telling the kids that I think sleepovers are “creepy,” when it is in fact, for purely for selfish reasons of not wanting more kids in my house than I have to have. I can’t believe you fake-offered to have them at your house. Rookie mistake!

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
March 14, 2011 at 10:54 pm

We all hate sleepovers. In minds of my ten year old and all his friends, “sleepover” translates to “batshit crazy.” Plus one of his friend’s moms lets her kid have multiple partner sleepovers–we’re talking 3, 4, 5 boys. It’s ugly. And then my kid is all “but whhhhyyyyy can’t they all sleep here?” I say “we don’t have room,” but what I really mean is “I hate sleepovers.” It’s the best reason I know to deliberately move into a smaller apartment. Like a studio with several murphy beds.

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Jill
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 3:36 am

So about 2 months ago three little girls in my 1st grader’s class all made plans for a sleepover w/o asking any of the moms. Thankfully, they all decided to go to one of the other girl’s houses … which was perfect for me because I was out of town. They made plans about everything … what they were wearing, the time to get together, you name it. And then told the mom – who actually went through with it.

Four six year olds up until 12:30 at night … and back up at 6:30 am.

Oddly enough … every other mom has said “f*ck no” to a sleepover since then. But I have a fear that I’ll be coerced into it … not so much by the kids, but by the other mom who wants someone else to feel her pain.

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Kimberly March 15, 2011 at 6:08 am

What is with all these kids who don’t sleep now-a-days? Are they putting something in the pizza rolls?

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Cool Dad
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 9:06 am

Hmm. One benefit of living at the top of the Bronx that I never realized! Doubtful that any of Cool Baby’s friends would come all the way up here for a sleepover.

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dusty earth mother March 15, 2011 at 9:14 am

My favorite kids rock group, ScribbleMonster, sings one of my favorite songs in the world “No Good Can Ever Come Of A Sleepover”, with lyrics like “Hey, why don’t we have the kids over at NIGHT to play? And let’s give them some candy and soda while we’re at it!”

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 9:56 am

I have learned two things from you this morning…
1. sleepovers suck.
2. Never be polite.
It’s like your homeschooling me.

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alexandra
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 11:26 am

On a serious note, I like the sleepovers at my house.
I see what they’re doing, what they’re playing, what’s going on.

I’m like that.

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Tonya
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 3:11 pm

What you need to do is make it so that word gets out sleeping at Ladrinka’s house sucks so this will never happen to you again. Here’s how you do it: Every time Ladrinka has a kid sleeping over you give them a LONG list of chores, which includes stuff like cleaning all the windows and scrubbing the screens, then you and Husbandrinka make out in front of them and make them watch a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan. Not only will you never have anymore sleepovers but Ladrinka will be begging to go to military school!

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Lady Jennie March 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm

I’m snorting (laughter, nothing else). You have brightened my night.

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Tara D. March 15, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I agree with Alexandra.. I am uneasy and can’t sleep if my kids
is not around during nights..
i enjoy reading your post.

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
March 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

If I were on Facebook, I would like the hell out of the Mouthies. I really should get on that.

Also? Who the HELL drops their kid off at 3pm? I guess parents who are super-excited to have the afternoon AND the night off.

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annie March 16, 2011 at 11:38 am

If it makes you feel better. I told my kiddo her friend could come over after school to play and when I asked her about this morning she said: “Yeah, she can come. Her mom & dad are going out that night anyway so it works great”. Um, I meant a couple hours after school and I think I may have turned into the all night babysitter. WTF?

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Kristina-Pillows.org March 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Awwww you are so hilarious! Great post and yes! Sleepovers are nonsleepovers!!! But hey time flies so fast. I wouldn’t want to miss seeing all the phases my kids got to go through.

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