Slippery Slope

by Marinka on January 3, 2011

It’s hard to write a lighthearted humor blog when you have a heavy heart.

And my heart is heavy because my slippers are missing. My red slippers. That I loved and wore. I loved them so much that when I visited my in-laws in North Carolina, I brought my slippers with me.

Because my slippers need to get away from the city sometimes too.

And I wore my red slippers in North Carolina and all was well. And then the day we were leaving, I packed my red slippers inside my black suitcase and zipped it up. I took my black suitcase to the airport and checked it.

When I reunited with my black suitcase in Newark Airport, it looked different. For one, while I merely zipped it up, it was now zipped and the handles were clasped together. And to make things even more suspicious and unAmerican, my suitcase was in a plastic basket.

For no apparent reason.

But I’m an easy going person so I grabbed my suitcase and was on my way. (I’m editing out the part where I waited for my kids and Husbandrinka to grab their suitcases as well, because it doesn’t move the story along, not because I’m only focused on my own suitcase. Please don’t interrupt me again.)

And then I got home and unpacked. Can you guess what wasn’t in my suitcase? That’s right, my red slippers. And just to clarify there were no slippers of any other color, either.

I am distraught. Because I cannot walk around barefoot like a domesticated animal, I can’t wear shoes inside the house like a pig who wears shoes inside the house and due to a resolution that I made earlier this week, I cannot shop for new slippers.

PERHAPS YOU CAN SEE MY DILEMMA.

But that’s not even the worst of it.

Because I asked Husbandrinka for the contact number for the airline and he asked me if I thought that there was an underground used red slippers smuggling ring. Which makes no sense, because if they work for the airline industry, they’re probably above ground.

“No one needs your slippers,” he dismissed me. Which was really hurtful. I mean, I don’t think that they’re out to get my slippers or anything, but if your slippers are in one place and then they are not in that one place, there are only a few options. And one of the options is that someone took them. (And the other option involved some kind of time-space continuum nonsense that I don’t understand.)

Besides, as I explained to Husbandrinka, I now think that they felt so guilty about taking my slippers that they placed my suitcase in the plastic bin to make it up to me.

“How does that make it up to you?” he asks me. Like I’m supposed to know how the criminal mind works.

So I am officially in distress. Posting may be light as I struggle through this crisis.

One year ago ...

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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

hokgardner
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 3:17 pm

I am so sorry for your distress. Perhaps you need to keep hemming and hawing and hinting until some kind reader takes pity on you and sends new slippers.

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Marinka January 3, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I am in MOURNING.

(Besides, it didn’t work when my laptop crashed.)

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Yuliya
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 3:26 pm

What an ingenious way to solicit Red Slipper sponsors! (not to be confused with Red Shoe diaries)

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TwoBusy January 3, 2011 at 3:27 pm

This calls for a Twibbon.

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kadield January 3, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Damned Communist slipper stealing thieves! May the rot in hell!

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kadield January 3, 2011 at 3:28 pm

*they* rot in hell…

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elizabeth-flourish in progress
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I can’t decide what’s more awesome here…used red slipper theft or the comforting words of Husbandrinka.

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Melissa
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Not just your red slippers but ALL of your slippers? Sounds like a TSA dude with a foot fetish. Your red slippers are clearly in the hands of Uncle Pervy.

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Glamamom
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 4:12 pm

My sick mind went right to foot fetish also.

Sorry Love, that’s terrible. You must feel so violated.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 4:47 pm

I once left my beloved slippers in a CA hotel. Called that hotel for months. They were never found. Buy yourself a new pair of UGG slippers. They r amazing.

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Marinka January 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Yes, Kapitalist Kelcey, I’m sure that they are amazing. But I am on a spending freeze. FREEZE, I say!

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Is this your way of asking Wendi, Heather and I for new slippers? President’s Day is coming up and we were thinking of doing something special for you.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) January 3, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I’m so sorry…I hope this doesn’t scare you away from good old North Carolina. I can safely say that neither I, nor anyone in my family, has your slippers. I would call…I mean, why not?

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Jeanne January 3, 2011 at 5:26 pm

There’s many a slip ‘twixt cup and lip.

Likewise, between North Carolina and New York, apparently.

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Loukia January 3, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Oh no! I totally feel your pain, although I haven’t lost any slippers lately. Losing something like that is something to get upset about. Now you have to get used to wearing socks in the house and waking up with those sock lines, argh.

I hope you find your slippers! Maybe they will magically re-appear? I hope so, for you! xox

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Alexandria
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 5:53 pm

i know how you feel. i’ve lost thing before like your beloved slippers and it wrecks havoc on my mind not knowing where they are.

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SaRaH January 3, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I hate to have to break this to you, but I’m a woman who believes in dealing with cold, hard facts. Someone is most likely molesting your slippers this very moment. Sick, I know.

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annie January 3, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Oh i feel your pain. I am right now wearing my red memory foam flip flop slippers in your honor.

You know though, if you’re going to post something like this you should post your size. So we know what exactly to have them put on the milk cartons.

Or so that slipper sponsors can send you various samples.

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Suebob
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

That is a bogus resolution. When you need something, you should get it. Slippers are a staple item. I’ll buy you some slippers if you want. You, after all, got me a goat.

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Sheila
Twitter:
January 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Your readers aren’t on a FREEZE! Size and brand, please.
If only to show Husbandrinka that SOMEONE cares about your feet….heartless man.

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Awesome dude January 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Our inept government should have instituted “red slipper alert” very long time ago.

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Holly January 3, 2011 at 9:29 pm

Oh gosh, I am sooo sorry honey.

If you will forgive me, I’m trying to write a funny or feel better comment but after eating a pan full of pad thai, I mean, enough to feed all of Thailand, my brain power is now digestion power.

Good thing I wasn’t hungry near your red slippers…

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Jonathan January 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

Was Rex Ryan on your flight?

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alexandra
Twitter:
January 4, 2011 at 12:59 am

I….LOVE….when there’s the dialogue that goes on between you and husbandrinka. Gems like “how am I supposed to know how the criminal mind works” and the wonderful post of a few months ago on the great art heist where you inquired as to who would steal multi million dollar artwork and he responded, ” I do not have a criminal mind, hence, I would not know why a criminal would steal multimillion dollar artwork.”

I love your family dialogue posts the most. Thank you for the laughs, so very much.

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Fairly Odd Mother
Twitter:
January 4, 2011 at 8:18 am

Put a little donation box up top of your blog: The Slipper Fund. I bet you replace those babies right away.

If you were me, you’d run around screaming, “they’ve been stolen! Stolen!!!!!” and then, a few days later, you’ll find them tucked in a corner somewhere and quietly say, “oh, there they are.” I do this about 10 times a week.

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From Belgium January 4, 2011 at 8:44 am

Oh they are yours! Well thank you soo much for them, they are really nice and comfy

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CSY January 4, 2011 at 10:22 am

Um, Marinka – I hate to tell you this, but these slippers just FELL out of the sky! I don’t know HOW I got them since I’m in Florida and SOUTH of you…I’ll return them as soon as I find the other one…

Reply

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