Still a Wonderful Man

by Marinka on November 20, 2009

Earlier this week, Husbandrinka and I were having a discussion about which one of us was luckier to have found the other.  Well, I was having the discussion in the form of  a monologue about my finer qualities and he was listening to music.  With headphones.  Those Bose-surround sound and extraneous noise eliminating ones headphones.  So, that pretty much means that I won and that he’s super lucky.  And not just because he didn’t have to listen to me.

By the way, please tell me that when you see someone with headphones on, you start mouthing words to them, so they take off the headphones to hear what you’re saying and you’re just mouthing the words. Because I can’t be the only one who does this.

But his luck got me thinking about our relationship and how I introduced him to my parents.  I wrote about it last fall, and I wanted to re-share it here today.  And lest you think I’m lazy, I updated the post, so it’s totally fair!

_______________________

from September 2008

Yesterday morning, I overheard the following conversation between my mother and my 10 year old daughter.


My daughter: Do you remember the first time that you ever met my daddy?

My mother: Of course I do! Your mother came to me and said, ‘I met a wonderful man, mama! Would you like to meet a wonderful man, too?’

There are two things that strike me about this conversation.

First, my mother’s not a native English speaker, so sometimes articles trip

her up. Actually, articles are sometimes challenging for the me, as well, but since I had formal education, it is less the challenging for me than for my a mother.

Anyway, because of the articles, the retold conversation between her and me sounds a bit like Fiddler on the Roof meets a match.com commercial. You may think that that’s just a Jdate commercial, but since I’ve never seen one of those, I’m going with my original scenario.

And second is that if I recall correctly, the actual conversation that led to her meeting my future husbanbd went something like this.

Marinka (late 20s, clock ticking): I’m going out tonight.

Mama (clutching “Is Your Daughter a Lesbian? 10 easy ways to know For Sure” quiz): Going out again? Have a great time. All my friends’ daughters are getting married and having babies, but have fun. More the vodka for you?

Marinka: GOD! You’re driving me crazy! There’s more to life than marriage! I am an independent woman! Like Gloria Steinem! I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle!

Mama: What with a bicycle? You don’t even know how to ride a bicycle. If you did, you could exercise. And what is this fish nonsense? Everything is about food with you. Eat less, exercise more, you’ll meet someone nice.

Marinka: I don’t need a man! I can take care of myself! By the way, can you lend me $20?

Mama: $20? For a cocaine?

Marinka: Yeah, like you can get cocaine for $20.

Mama: Oh, so now you know the price of cocaine. Heroin, too, I suppose. This is God punishing me for my sins. There is no other reason that someone like you would be unmarried. And not even seeing anyone. Just hanging out with your whore drug-addicted friends. Don’t think that I don’t know what the they do.

Marinka: You know nothing about life! Julie is not a whore, she is a dancer.

Mama: A naked dancer. And people give her money.

Marinka: It’s less debasing than working at McDonalds for like minimum wage.

Mama: The food again. It’s like an addiction with you.

Marinka: I’m just saying-

Mama: You need a man. You’ll go crazy otherwise with all these fish and lesbians.

Marinka: I am not a lesbian!

Mama: Just go, I’ll be fine.

Marinka: OH MY GOD! I am seeing someone, ok? We have been dating for a while.

Mama: Stop this nonsense. Who is he, the Kentucky Fried Chicken Colonel?

Marinka: No, he’s like a real man. With a job.

Mama: Stop your the hallucinations.

Marinka: YOU ARE GOING TO MEET HIM NEXT WEEKEND!

Mama: Ok, if you want to bring him by.

Maybe she’s saving the real story for when my daughter is 11?

UPDATE:  My daughter is now 11.  I assume that mama is saving the real story until she’s 12.  Let’s check back next year and see if I’m right!

One year ago ...

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Wendi
Twitter:
November 20, 2009 at 8:04 am

You made me laugh out loud with this one.

And there’s no way you can get a cocaine for $20 nowadays.

Reply

Maureen@IslandRoar November 20, 2009 at 8:16 am

Maybe she’ll save the story for when she starts wanting your daughter to think about marriage, like when she’s 16?
You are so Funny!
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..A Little Bit of Heaven =-.

Reply

Maelstrom November 20, 2009 at 8:58 am

I’m also addicted to food. I’ve tried to quit several times but I just can’t keep off of it.

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
November 20, 2009 at 10:18 am

My 5 year old was just asking me about who I dated before daddy. All hot cads I told her.

Reply

Madge November 20, 2009 at 10:34 am

k. i still love this post.
.-= Madge´s last blog ..ok ok OK =-.

Reply

Kathy November 20, 2009 at 12:04 pm

So funny I love your Momma!
.-= Kathy´s last blog ..Bumped from the band =-.

Reply

Vicki
Twitter:
November 20, 2009 at 1:17 pm

I love these flashback posts! Is Mama surprised that Husbandrinka is still married to you? My mom warned Mr. B on the day after our wedding that it was now permanent and there was no way to return me to the parents. There was a lot of relief in her voice.
.-= Vicki´s last blog ..Friday Links for the Doomed =-.

Reply

Aunt Becky
Twitter:
November 20, 2009 at 2:16 pm

I want some cocaine now. AND McDonald’s.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..A Little From Column A, A Little From Column 2 =-.

Reply

Lish November 20, 2009 at 3:58 pm

My best friend is Russian, and he also slips up on articles here and there. He oftens asks me if I want to go to a breakfast or a dinner, and I can never figure out if it’s just a casual thing or a big event. And it never turns out to be a big event. But then again, he’s a Leo so maybe just the two of us for breakfast is (sic) big event!

Reply

Melody November 20, 2009 at 4:41 pm

That was so funny. Really made me laugh. Thanks.

Reply

Lisa Rae @ smacksy November 20, 2009 at 10:47 pm

“You’ll go crazy otherwise with all these fish and lesbians.”

High five.
.-= Lisa Rae @ smacksy´s last blog ..Souls =-.

Reply

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake November 21, 2009 at 8:40 am

Ah, remember the days when $20 would buy you something, other than a gallon of milk?

My children have never asked how Wally and I met. There must be something wrong with them. However, Payton will not stop asking me to sign him up for Russian lessons. Like, yesterday, the kid was complaining to the bank teller that I wouldn’t sign him up for Russian.

I think this means I’m destined to meet Mama too.
.-= Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..World-Stopping News – an Eggo Apocalypse =-.

Reply

Charmaine November 21, 2009 at 11:00 pm

You’re mother is my mother. Just from a different country.

Reply

jessica November 22, 2009 at 12:16 am

my parents would have probably preferred I was a lesbian with the way things turned out for me
.-= jessica´s last blog ..This Post is Rated PG-11 Right? =-.

Reply

vodkamom November 22, 2009 at 10:30 am

omg that is hysterical.

not that there’s anything WRONG with being a lesbian. I’m just sayin’.

Reply

minor catastrophes November 23, 2009 at 10:16 am

Hilarious! Your mom is awesome… 🙂

Reply

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