The Feline Nickiller

by Marinka on August 31, 2010

Today is Nicki’s birthday. She’s two, which is like two and a half in cat years. I never understood that “dog years” nonsense.

And when I say “birthday” I’m estimating because the orphanage didn’t keep good records. When we adopted her they told us that she was about six months old. Come to think of it, they told us a lot of things, but they forgot to mention that she had fleas. I don’t know how old they were. Our kids did some calculations and came up with August 31st as her birthday.

Last night I got an email from my friend P.K. who said that she tried to leave a message on Nicki’s Facebook page only to find that it was gone. She was alarmed. So I asked my daughter what happened to it and she said that Facebook suspended Nicki for … I’m not sure exactly what, my daughter thinks “not updating her account often enough.” Which doesn’t sound right to me. So then I emailed P.K. back and asked what the hell was she going to post on Nicki’s wall and she never got back to me. I can only assume that she’s now following Nicki on Twitter and communicating with her that way. Get it? CommuniCATing. (I’m sorry. It’s been a long vacation).

Okay, back to Nicki.
We are now at the dacha (my parents’ house upstate) and last night as I was sleeping and dreaming of a better tomorrow, I heard Nicki running around in our room. I turned on the flashlight just in time to see a mouse run by and wave to me, with Nicki in hot pursuit.

Obviously this was one of those life or death situation, so I woke up Husbandrinka. Now, in case you ever wondered, Husbandrinka is the rare type of man who does not enjoy being woken up at night, even to be told that there’s a mouse in the room. He thought that we should just let Nicki take care of it because “she’s the cat.”

A little Third Reich, if you ask me.

“You know that once she kills it, she’s going to put it on our bed, right?” I asked him. Because if I’m not sleeping, neither is anyone else.

And Husbandrinka said, “Don’t tell me these things as I’m trying to sleep!”
My protector, ladies and gentlemen.

The bad news is that there was no mouse on our bed and I must assume that the mouse, like the hills, is still alive.

I called Mama with this tragic news in the morning.
“I think Nicki is special,” I tried to be politically correct.
“What special, you’re special,” mama said. Mama seemed to think that Nicki was playing with the mouse.
“Why would she play with the mouse?” I asked.
“Because it’s fun for cats. It’s like that thing before sex. Foresex.”
“Do you mean foreplay?” I asked, waves of nausea washing over me.
“Exactly. They play, then she kills.” (Incidentally, this is why you should never talk to your parents about sex.)
“That doesn’t sound right to me,” I said. Because in my mind, the cat is a ninja-like assassin who doesn’t have time for these cat and mouse games.

Oh.

One year ago ...

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
August 31, 2010 at 10:28 am

Better the mouse go free than Nicki eat it & catch parasites or something awful. Vet bills are unbelievable.

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Awesome dude August 31, 2010 at 10:47 am

What is her birthday in Hebrew calendar??? 7 Ava? Few days before destruction of the Temple. Symbolic.

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Kristen
Twitter:
August 31, 2010 at 12:09 pm

At one point we thought our cat was ‘special’ as well. She never killed anything. She had that real glassy eyed look. Then, all of a sudden, she became a mass murderer. She kills everything in our yard. She is really less like a normal tabby and more like a bobcat. I think she may have gotten lessons from a neighborhood cat on how to catch, kill and filet animals. If we start a bobcat boot camp for other ‘special’ cats, I will be sure to tweet Nicki about it.

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Dana
Twitter:
August 31, 2010 at 12:15 pm

I wish we could get a “Nicki.” We’ve been losing a two-year battle to keep mice out of the house. Alas, the husband is allergic to cats and our fierce dog is actually a pacifist who barely blinks when the rodents hot foot it past her bed.

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Jonathan August 31, 2010 at 2:21 pm

It’s good to have a special cat, lest you have one like ours that left disembodied mouse corpses on the doormat almost daily and once dragged a giant rabbit corpse into the LIVING ROOM, causing much hysteria.

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Crisanna August 31, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Your dad is no longer banned from commenting? I feel proper balance has been restored to the universe.

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christy August 31, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Oh my god you have me in hysterics Marinka! Foresex! No one sleeps if you’re not! I love it!

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
August 31, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Foresex. Yep. Sounds like what we do at our house!

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
August 31, 2010 at 3:32 pm

We used to have mice in our apartment. I almost had to move. Happy Birthday to my favorite cat!

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A Mom on Spin August 31, 2010 at 4:52 pm

And how will you ever sleep tonight knowing that this big fat elusive rodent is still on the loose? Maybe it will show up at Nicki’s birthday party??

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Miss Welcome August 31, 2010 at 4:54 pm

So funny and well-written. I’m relatively new to your blog so at first I assumed Nickie was your daughter (baby human) who was adopted (from Russia?) and came with fleas (poor sanitary conditions in the orphanage?). I clued in when you started talking about the mouse.

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Jessica September 1, 2010 at 9:48 am

OMG I totally thought the same thing. I also am new to this blog..

too funny.

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Rosemary August 31, 2010 at 10:22 pm

It could be worse. My cat – named, oddly enough, Kat, which is short for Katharine Hepburn (a cat must have some dignity, after all) – brought in a living mouse toy and then promptly beheaded that bad boy in front of my then-four-year-old. He hasn’t pet the cat since. He did wonder why she didn’t get a time out.

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dusty earth mother August 31, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Oh Lord, “foresex” is going to stick in my mind forever now. Thanks, Mama.

And I love that you sleep and dream of a better tomorrow. Sniff. Sniff.

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annie September 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

I don’t have a cat but I have a dog who plays with the squirrels in the yard so let’s pretend that’s sort of the same. She’s chewed up every toy we’ve ever given her except the stuffed squirrel – that she buried whole under the grapes with it’s feet in the air. Maybe Nikki found a nice private burial plot for your rodent. Look around for a tiny little headstone.

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Glamamom
Twitter:
September 1, 2010 at 11:26 pm

Hilarious (except mice & fleas)!! Happy birthday kitty kitty.

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Stace October 13, 2010 at 10:24 am

Some nights we’ll hear out cats going after a mouse….and in the morning…find…nothing…or a tail…or a head….or a liver…once our cat left a fully intact brain on our door step. So…Nicky might not have put it on your bed..she may have just eaten it as a snack.

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