The Royal Wedding

by Marinka on November 18, 2010

You probably heard that Prince Charming is marrying Snow White sometime next year. Thank you, dear Lord, for answering our commoners’ prayers. If Brad and Angelina are going to deny us the joy of their marital bliss until everyone can marry, then at least we can still count on those other royals.

Oh, eye-roll.

I’m sorry, I hate to be a wet syphilitic blanket, but is anyone else bored by these two?

And what does is say about me that I still, thirty years later, remember Joan Rivers’ quip that Charles can’t wait for his mother to die so that he can be queen?

Back to the newly engaged.

First of all, why does William look like he’s 80 years old? And why is Kate’s name Kate? It’s Catherine, so she should be Cathy. Like Cartoon Cathy. It would be nice if people stuck to protocol. And (yes, again!) newscasters are saying that we should be calling her Catherine now, anyway, because they’re engaged. What the hell? I mean, yes, thank you, media for giving us the socio-moral protocol. But Diana was Di for most of her royal life.

Second of all, and this is a biggie, I can’t get over the fact that William gave Cathy his mother’s Dynasty ring. Oh, it appreciated nicely (I read that it went up from $40,000 to $125,000 in just thirty years! We should all stock up!) but it’s a ring from a terrible marriage, so perhaps William could have thought of some other way to have his mother be present at the wedding. Like maybe invite a few lepers to the wedding to honor Diana’s commitment to charity. Or some fashion designers to commemorate her love for haute couture.

Really, William, think outside the borrowed ring box.

I’m available to help if any pre-wedding issues arise.

One year ago ...

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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 8:08 am

I’m sensing that you’re mad that you aren’t a princess.

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Marinka November 18, 2010 at 9:30 am

I am, a little. It’s not fair. After all I do have a few drops of royal blood. In my refrigerator.

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Melizzard November 18, 2010 at 8:28 am

I was thinking the same thing about the ring ~ hello~ Cursed!

Did you see the interview? That poor child just looked scared as hell.

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Vicki
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 8:33 am

Don’t talk shit about Kate. She’s awesome. Us women should only be supporting her. Can you imagine having to wake up to a reverse Benjamin Button situation where the physical similarity to Charles is increasing EXPONENTIALLY day by day?

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Pseudo November 18, 2010 at 8:52 am

The cursed ring is a big faux pas. However… I like Kate a lot better than Cathy. And if I am going to be inundated with celebrity, I’d rather it be royalty than actors and ass hats. But I try not to watch broadcast media – I blame it for our country’s polarity.

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Holly November 18, 2010 at 8:53 am

Thanks for this, I was wondering why I seemed to be the only one in the world who didn’t care about this wedding.

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Lady Jennie November 18, 2010 at 9:28 am

Who’s getting married, now?

Just kidding. This was funny though.

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Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 9:55 am

Don’t be jealous. You’re a princess in my mind.

Also, WHATTHEFRICK? HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE A ROYAL EFFING WEDDING? Are you dead inside? Come to the dark side of being a Royal Wedding Fan Girl.

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Awesome dude November 18, 2010 at 10:12 am

I can be a house leper for a reasonable fee.

Should not be so jealous of royalty you were born a natural JAP.

The choice of ring is a royal screw up.

And then why someone would want anybody dead present5 in his wedding?

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Loukia November 18, 2010 at 11:21 am

I’m so bored with this whole ‘royal wedding’ thing, too. Yawn! I did see two seconds of them on TV, and I liked her dress, and her manicure. And now I shall tune them out until their wedding day where I’m sure I’ll have no choice but to watch her walk down the aisle. I’m sure she’ll be pretty. But really. BORING. And yeah, I thought the same thing as you about the ill-fated ring. And remember when Will was hotter than Harry? Not anymore!

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Finn
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 11:55 am

Is it bad that it gives me no end of joy that a Zales ad was festooned on the bottom of this post in your feed?

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joeinvegas November 18, 2010 at 12:15 pm

Sorry, in England the standard is Kate not Cathy.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Except in *Wuthering Heights.* But, heaven help Kate if William turns out to be anything like Heathcliff.

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Marinka November 18, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Oh, I love that you remembered Wuthering Heights!

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Marinka November 18, 2010 at 1:17 pm

REALLY? I’m so glad that we won the war.

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Jane November 18, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Heeeee heeee Awesome dude……too funny.

OK now I feel dumb because this morning I was really wrapped up in it all on Good Morning America…….
I want to be a Princess!
I want a ROYAL WEDDING….

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MommyTime
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 12:35 pm

There is some kind of Post Traumatic Popularity Contest Syndrome rising in my gut right about now, as I recall the intense snubbing I received in 7th grade for not having known enough to wake up at 4am to watch The Royal Wedding LIVE on TV before school started. At least with this particular iteration, I think I am surrounded by friends who will not similarly snub me.

Except for the PTO moms. Obviously.

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Jennifer
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 12:41 pm

If we get Real Housewives of London outta this, it will totally be worth it.

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Allyson November 18, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I had the same thought about the ring. Generally, though, I’m all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns flying out of my butt about the wedding. But mostly because the girl (whatever we’re supposed to call her now) has style and, being daughter-less, I kind of want to live vicariously through her wedding.

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Issa
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 3:48 pm

You are: sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns flying out of my butt??? Um friend? I think you need to take your temperature. Because I know you better than that. 😉

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Keyona
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 12:54 pm

That commoner gets to be a Princess. I’m pissed.

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Sophie@Fabrications November 18, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I can’t wait for the wedding. The dresses, the hats. I can has a life?

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Renee November 18, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Oh, stop being such a Royal Grinch! Weddings are fun. I still remember being a very little girl and watching coverage of Charles and Diana’s wedding. (And we all know how well that turned out!) I do agree that the ring was a royal (pun-intended) screw-up. But, otherwise, I’m moderatly excited about Kate/Catherine. (If their marriage lasts long enough,) when she becomes queen, she will be the first one in England’s history with a university education. Waity Katie actually has a brain…

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Wendi
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Thanks to Papa for giving me my new nickname: House Leper.

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TripleZmom
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Wait, why is the most educated princess-to-be stuck with the cursed ring? That’s not a very good message, royals.

I am not as excited about this royal wedding as I was about Di/Charles. Of course, I was 10 then and made my mom buy me coffee table books about them. I was weird.

I will not buy any books this time. But I will set my DVR. Though I’ll be ashamed while I do it.

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Issa
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Okay, so who’s getting married? I’m all confused. Cathy the comic strip? Well it’s about dam time. She’s what, 74 years old?

$125k for a ring is absurd. Think of how many starving children in Istanbul they could feed for that amount of money.

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Amy
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 3:54 pm

You can’t imagine the hysteria over here over this!

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foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) November 18, 2010 at 10:24 pm

I am less concerned about any royal curse than I am you might possibly miss the Sister Wives honeymoon special (my subtitle suggestion? ‘Kody and Robyn – Behind Klosed Doors’) that airs Sunday night.

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The Real Soccer Mom November 18, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Dammit, when will I learn to not read your blog posts when I am in meetings? Snorting (the laughing kind) is so not appreciate by other PTA members.

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alexandra
Twitter:
November 18, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Oh, Awesome dude…”I could be a paid leper.”

Too wonderful.

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Glamamom
Twitter:
November 19, 2010 at 12:13 am

Super sad that Di was chased to her death by paparazzi and now they’re in hot pursuit of her son and his bride. BOOOOOOOOOOO

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From Belgium November 19, 2010 at 4:20 am

Has anyone else noticed that William is going bald?

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Leslie November 19, 2010 at 8:58 am

I love that ring and think it’s gorgeous! I’m sure William thinks of it in terms of his mother’s ring and not about the bad marriage part. At least William was able to pass it along to his bride instead of his father giving it to Camilla, which is an apparently acceptable thing to do in the mind of my father in law. Yes, he gave my mother in law’s ring to his new fiancee! Weird, right??

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Lisa Lawrence November 19, 2010 at 3:18 pm

i officially love papa. ‘house leper’….adorable 🙂

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Scary Mommy
Twitter:
November 19, 2010 at 8:39 pm

I love it. I love it all. Can we still be friends?

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Abbey November 19, 2010 at 10:55 pm

I also found it odd she’s picking the church that they did Di’s funeral cerimony. I mean sure, it’s the Westminister and who’d give that up…but I thought it was interesting the news this morning went from ‘to be married at westminister’ to watching a clip of the sons walking down the aisle behind the coffin.

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magpie November 21, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Now if he wanted to give that ring to me, it would go nicely with my eyes. But yeah, he shouldn’t have given it to her.

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