To Be in NYC or Not to Be in NYC, That is the Question

by Marinka on November 19, 2008

Update: I’m featured on Neurotic Mom!

Recently, I found out that the lovely Kelcey from The Mama Bird Diaries is considering leaving NYC. Something about kids needing trees to climb, but I suspect that she hates me and wants to be as far away from me as possible. Whatever. Not to be one-upped by her, I can now reveal that every once in a while, Husbandrinka and I have conversations about possibly leaving New York City and moving to the suburbs.

I immediately start hyperventilating and then we agree to make a “pro/con” list, and approach it like adults. Like adults who make “pro/con” lists while breathing into a brown paper bag. If “breathing into a brown paper bag” is another way of saying “guzzling vodka.”
Invariably, Husbandrinka provides the “pros”, I provide the “cons” and our list looks something like this:
Pro: We can live in a house instead of an apartment.
Con: I will instantly become an alcoholic.
Pro: We can have a backyard.
Con: I will dabble in pills, as well.
Pro: We will save a lot of money.
Con: Not with all the booze and dolls that I’ll be buying.
Pro: We will have more space–a basement, a cellar!
Con: I will fashion a noose in the basement. Or maybe in the cellar. Probably both.
Pro: Our children will ride their bikes up and down our tree-lined street as our neighbors look on and wave.
Con: Look! My wrists are practically slashing themselves!
Pro: We will get away from the noise of NYC.
Con: What about the noise that is coming from the voices inside my head? You know, the ones chanting ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?
Pro: We don’t take advantage of what NYC has to offer.
Con: Exactly! That’s how we save money!
Pro: Our kids can have a traditional American childhood.
Con: Shouldn’t that go into the “con” column?

Pro: There are a lot of teenagers in the suburbs, so there’s plenty of cheap babysitting.
Con: Why are you sitting there instead of packing?!?

One year ago ...

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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

anymommy November 20, 2008 at 3:44 am

That was so good, I’ve got nothing. You always do that to me. The last two made me laugh out loud, which hurt my nausea a little. Thanks!

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Vodka Mom November 20, 2008 at 4:42 am

that was hysterical. 🙂

I think the damn grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side- isn’t it??? Now, pass me my martini.

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OHmommy November 20, 2008 at 5:39 am

Is it too early too tell you that I love you? Is it?

I love you.

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Melissa November 20, 2008 at 6:04 am

Bwahahahahahahah!

Let me disabuse you of that cheap babysitting notion right now. Or that teenagers will actually want to do it. Between football season (central TX, football is a religion on Friday and Saturday nights) and school nights, I can never get a sitter. So really, you should stay where you are.

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Cindy November 20, 2008 at 7:00 am

I just found you via the neurotic mom…you’re great and I give you kudos for being in the big ole’ city raising children-believe me when I say, no place is safe anymore. If someone else says otherwise, they’re pretty naive..unfortunately!

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Rachel November 20, 2008 at 7:01 am

Aaahh… The grass is always greener! I sometimes fantasize about leave the suburbs for the big city! Maybe we could do a “Wife Swap”? (As in the reality TV show, not in an open marriage/swinging kind of way!)

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Kylie w Warszawie November 20, 2008 at 7:10 am

Aren’t there teenagers in NYC? Or are they all expensive babysitters?

My daughter will babysit for the bargain price of 10 zloty an hour (plus plane fare of course). As long as you have no small animals, everything will be fine.

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Braja November 20, 2008 at 7:29 am

Marinka, welcome to my freaking life. And yeah, like Vodka Mom said: now pass me my martini, shutup, and get over here. I’ll show you life outside the city, honey….

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Always Home and Uncool November 20, 2008 at 7:44 am

So I need to move to NYC to get away from the alcohol and drug abuse, huh?

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake November 20, 2008 at 7:57 am

I live in the ‘burbs and you see what it has done to me. Don’t be me.

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Comedy Goddess November 20, 2008 at 7:58 am

We all get together after drop off. Stepford was written about my town after all. We have a legacy to uphold. Standards are important.

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Jill November 20, 2008 at 8:24 am

You are living my dream… what I wouldn’t GIVE to live in NYC. Even when my husband worked there, we lived in NJ – which truly just isn’t the same thing.

Seriously not the same thing.

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Kate Coveny Hood November 20, 2008 at 8:29 am

I love your dialogue with Husbandrinka. And I completely understand your aversion to the idea of the suburbs. I’m currently “living the dream” and let me tell you – the only reason that I currently prefer the burbs is that I have no idea how I would drag my three toddlers from the only city street parking I could find three blocks away to my house (and because the only city neighborhood we could afford would include about ten crack houses along the above mentioned path). Also – where I live – the city schools are terrible. But that’s pretty much it. We don’t save tons of money and don’t have a real yard. The surburbs aren’t cheap – and we can only afford a townhouse. If that is the deal in DC – I imagine NYC would be the same or worse. Plus – CON: COMMUTE! I won’t even get into that…

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Heather November 20, 2008 at 9:01 am

I am worried about what dolls you would be buying!

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Heinous November 20, 2008 at 9:29 am

Too damn funny. The alcohol really does take the edge off the burbs…

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the mama bird diaries November 20, 2008 at 10:35 am

It’s not you! It’s not you! Well, maybe the tiniest bit but I’m telling you, the other 95% is the tree thing.

If I hightail it to the burbs, I guarantee there will be a lot of drinking involved. But in the suburbs, you have space for your own wet bar!

Thanks for the shout-out. 🙂

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Kimberly November 20, 2008 at 10:44 am

Picking up the neighbor’s dog poop is reason #1 not to do it.

After that, do you even need another reason?

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ShallowGal November 20, 2008 at 11:57 am

Exactly which suburbs are you moving to that Husbandrinka thinks you’ll have a cellar? The Kansas suburbs?

xoxo, SG

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Kristine November 20, 2008 at 12:15 pm

Just don’t get those weird life like baby dolls. Those are fucking creepy.

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Madge November 20, 2008 at 3:38 pm

“my wrists are practically slashing themselves” can i use that line sometime?

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Pink in a sea of blue November 20, 2008 at 5:30 pm

I’m about to pop some pills now in the ‘burbs. Stay in the city. I heart NYC! Love your blog! I’ve got my NYC friend reading it. Love your photos, too!

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Tooj November 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm

Your humor is great – I always look forward to one of your posts. LOL The traditional American childhood isn’t so bad….for most of us. LOL There are those others….

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Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree November 20, 2008 at 8:21 pm

It hurt for me to read this. I miss living in the city. My kids babysitters are so boring.

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Anna See November 20, 2008 at 9:32 pm

“My wrists are practically slashing themselves”– oh my goodness. Wow. Your writing amazes me… in a good way!

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Leslie November 20, 2008 at 9:35 pm

Haha, that’s hilarious. If I lived in NYC, I could never imagine leaving it…

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Daphne@GreenerBiener November 21, 2008 at 8:04 am

Found you through Mama Bird Diaries. Thanks for the good laugh this am, who knows? Maybe now I’ll be able to make it through my morning in the burbs without 6 vodka tonics…

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Mojo November 21, 2008 at 8:16 am

Trust me, the grass is always the greenest over the septic tank. Blah!

It's so refreshing to know I'm not the only person who has zero desire to live in the 'burbs & drive a mini-van, while wearing mom jeans.

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Nap Warden November 21, 2008 at 8:18 am

Hey came from Mama Bird. I live in Chicago…can’t leave, won’t do it…

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Magpie November 21, 2008 at 10:34 am

Pro: You can send your kid to the “free” public school.
Con: Your property taxes are more than NYC.
Pro: Your property taxes are less than private school tuition.

Oh, and Sherry-Lehmann delivers, free if you buy enough wine.

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Smart A$$ Mom November 21, 2008 at 11:21 am

can I just say….I am in the NYC burbs and I would love to dabble with pills and booze in a cramped apt in The City? Oh, wait that came out all wrong. I am in the Burbs and it’s okay. That’s all wrong also.

Settle for that post was hysterical.

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PsychMamma November 21, 2008 at 11:54 am

That was hilarious. I almost spit my coffee out on my MacBook screen. If my Mac would have been harmed, I might have had to sue you. But since I was laughing, and since you ALWAYS make me laugh, I probably wouldn’t have.

We moved away from a large city for many of the pros you listed. Now we want to move back to the city. And all those teenagers in the suburbs/small towns??? I don’t know where the heck they are but we rarely see them, and they’re definitely not into babysitting, so don’t give up the city for that one!

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Z November 25, 2008 at 11:21 am

Bwahaha… I can totally see you having this conversation in real life, too! 🙂

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iMommy November 29, 2008 at 1:40 pm

I just laughed out loud. You are awesome.

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