by Marinka on July 5, 2009

John got an iPhone last week and our relationship is in deep peril. As is the future of our country.

He keeps forwarding email crap to me and I’m sure that the only reason that he does it is so that the ridiculous legend at the bottom, “sent from my iPhone”, can mock me. He knows that I am insanely jealous and yet he seems to be unable to stop himself. I told him to disable it or I’d disable him, but so far he hasn’t. Not only that, when I call him, this is how he responds:

“Answered on my iPhone: Hello.”
“Fuck you,” I say.
“Insult received on my iPhone,” he says.

He also told me that his iPhone gave him a handjob, but I totally doubt it.

I’m super intrigued by an application that he told me his boytoy has. It’s called Grinder and it has a GPS system shpowing where you are and where other guys who are cruising for a hookup in your area. Like their exact location. So if you’re in the Village in NYC, your screen looks like Tokyo at noon. (I’m assuming that Tokyo at noon is very crowded, but I’m not an expert in these things. Of course I could have said midtown Manhattan at noon or Times Square, half an hour before curtain time).

I explain all this to Husbandrinka and hypothesize that if gay marriage were legalized, people wouldn’t have to resort to this kind of shit, and Husbandrinka says, “I wonder if they have this for straight people, too.”

And I’m sure that he is just asking because if there is one thing that Husbandrinka loves it’s equality and he wants to make sure that everything is fair, and it hurts me to have to tell him that they probably don’t have it for heterosexuals because then they’d have to specify if they’re a boy or a girl and Apple can’t really handle such a sophisticated technology, especially now that Steve Jobs is recovering after surgery. I mean, I’d log in, looking for a hookup and find someone conveniently a block away and get all excited, rush to the site, only to see that it’s another woman. So then I’d have to either be all sexist and say, “sorry, men only” which is totally rude or become a lesbian which could destroy my family, to say nothing of the moral fiber of our society. I”m sure you see the predicament.

Ok, so I just spoke to John and apparently, Grinder shows a small photo of the person who is hookuping, so potentially you could see if you’re meeting a boy or a girl. I don’t know how Apple comes up with this stuff, I really don’t, but I’m sure that it will be a huge relief to Husbandrinka.

Wait! I am guest blogging at Scary Mommy‘s today. Please go and read and comment. Because otherwise she’ll have me killed. She’s scary, you know!

One year ago ...

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