Vows

by Marinka on September 21, 2009

For about twenty seconds, pre-Husbandrinka and I considered writing our own vows and then we were like, “eh, let’s just use the traditional ones because they seem to cover everything and besides, we’re busy and lazy”. Over the years, I’ve started to see the errors of our ways.

Don’t get me wrong, traditional vows are fine if you and your beloved are on the same page, but if you’re on the different floors of your local bookstore, the traditional vows aren’t going to do shit for you.

For example. Love, honor, whatever. Ok. Got it.

But there’s a lot that’s implied. And if there’s not total agreement about what’s implied, it’s going to lead to what I will call a spot of marital discord.

One of the things that I say is implied is that if you find something or someone annoying, your spouse must agree, no questions asked, or if they are asked, they should be asked in quiet and deferential terms. I happily do this for my husband. Sure, it’s not that much of a stretch for me because I find everyone highly annoying, but still, it’s the principle here.

And you’d think that he would return the favor.
And yet he won’t.
Because he hates me and doesn’t respect the institution of marriage.

Like the other day, we were driving somewhere and while we were at a red light, I looked over and saw a mom, dad and a teenage daughter on the sidewalk, each one with some kind of frozen drink from Starbucks. And they were all sucking the drink from straw. Simultaneously. OMG, how annoying is that?

“Would you look at them!” I alerted Husbandrinka. “So fucking annoying.”
He looked over and shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me one bit.”
“Are you kidding me?” I asked. “The three of them standing there, in some kind of a synchronized slurping event? That’s totally annoying.”
“It’s not against the law to have Starbucks,” he maintained.

Fortunately, the light changed shortly thereafter, but I continued to seethe for hours.
Because what is the fucking point of marriage if you can’t be co-annoyed by the same things.

No wonder family values are suffering in America.

One year ago ...

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