Don’t be afraid, but I think we’re being watched.
By US Weekly.
Because just the other week I complained about US Weekly putting trashy Teen Mom on the cover instead of a real movie star and this week we have this:
Reese! An actress! An actual actress! Who married someone that no one has ever heard of, so I can’t quite figure out what the point of that was. But good luck to the newlyweds!
The other thing that makes me think that US Weekly in onto me is that this issue is completely devoid of images of a torn photo of a couple to signify a breakup. As a matter of fact, it seems like there have been no celebrity breakups at all this week. It’s like US Weekly and all of Hollywood is conspiring against me.
Whew, good thing I’m not paranoid, right?
Wait, are you talking about me?
Anyway, on to this week’s Us Weekly in EZ to read and fun to discuss format!
• Who Wore It Best? breaks new ground by pitting 4 celebrities (although the only one I recognize—Carmen Electra. Who are Lala Vasquez? Not a Teletubby! Joanna Krupa? Louise Roe v. Wade?!) in an Old Navy $34.50 sundress. Love that celebrities (even the ones I’ve never heard of!) are dressing in Old Navy!
• Rihanna relaxes her restraining order against Chris Brown! So now he can perform at awards shows that she attends. No word on whether he can be at the Get Your Lucy Ricardo Hair Here salon at the same time that she is.
• Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name and will now go by just “Lindsay”. Please adjust your contact lists.
• Devastating news. 57% of the readers of USMagazine.com think that Brooklyn Decker’s new hair cut is NOT HOT.
• Stars- They’re Just Like US. See Drew Barrymore enjoy lunch! John McEnroe gets sunscreen applied!
• Bette Midler’s daughter looks exactly like her. It’s like Bette 2.0
• Brad and Angelina went on a kid-free getaway! Thank goodness they were able to find someone to watch the kids.
• Britney Spears is hot again. And seems to be dating her grandfather.
• Also there’s an article about Brett Michaels. If someone could please read it and let me know if and when Rock of Love is coming back, I’d really appreciate it.
• There’s a new US Makeover feature which spans approximately a million pages. Bottom line, no one looks good with a topknot. No one.
That’s it for this week!
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One year ago ...
- I'm Older! - 2012