@MarinkaNYC: Twitter Girl Detective

by Marinka on April 3, 2011

You probably don’t know this about me, but I had a budding career as Twitter Girl Detective.

It was very much under the radar, because that’s how undercover detectives operate.

And Twitter was the perfect medium.

Because on Twitter, the hoi polloi mingle with the famous. Perhaps you’ve heard of my famous Kathy Ireland incident?

That’s right, I sipped from the cup of celebrity and I was drunk on its power. (Full disclosure: I may have been sipping out of a bottomless goblet as well.)

On with my story.
A while ago, Liz Lange and I started to follow each other on Twitter. I was super excited to rub virtual elbows with her because she’s a famous maternity fashion designer icon and I’ve admired her work ever since I couldn’t afford any of it during my pregnancies. And she was nice and funny.

And here she was, responding to my tweets, calling me her heroine and inspiration (I’m paraphrasing) and generally acting like a normal person.

Wow, I thought, famous people are totally great!. And then I decided that if I ever became famous, I’d work on snubbing everyone so that they’d know that they were dealing with the real thing. See? I’m always thinking of others.

And then one day, about a month ago, I was tweeting with Liz and something seemed off.

I decided to take it to DM (for those of you who are still communicating via cave etchings, that means that I sent her a message on Twitter that only she could see).

Hey, I tried to sound casual, how come your account isn’t verified?

(A verified account is one used by celebrities and other well known people that states, basically, that the person is indeed who he/she claims to be. I think there’s some kind of DNA sampling involved.)

So funny you should ask, she DM’d me back. I was just writing to my assistant to get me a verified account.

Hmm. Funny indeed! And what a coincidence!

Apparently this “Liz Lange” person was fooled by my youthful appearance into thinking that I was born yesterday. Well, I wasn’t.

And now I was on to her.

Oh, the irony!


My mind started to race.

Or at least speed walk.

I had no idea what this person’s racket was, but apparently impersonating Liz Lange figured pretty big into it.

I was going to expose her for the fake that she was. The real Liz Lange would then come forward and thank me for keeping an eye out for her. And for all of America. The real Liz Lange would reward me with a wardrobe of maternity-wear which, being only 9 and three quarters years postpartum, I would proudly wear. The real Liz Lange and I would become best friends.

I shed a tear thinking about my friends who’d be demoted as a result.

Those poor saps. I loved them so. Until the real Liz Lange came into my life and I realized that I could do better in the friendship department.

But I still had work to do.

I decided to plant a seed into my soon to be ex-friends’ heads. Doesn’t it seem weird that Liz Lange’s Twitter account isn’t verified? I emailed Kelcey and Wendi. They didn’t think that this was a deep throat-calibre scoop.
“It’s definitely her, though,” Wendi wrote back.

Sigh.

Must be nice to be so trusting.

I basked in my suspicion and imagined the blogging awards that I’d receive for my scoop. “We thought she was just a mommy blogger,” people would say. “We had no idea, that she was also an investigative journalist.”

A hush would fall upon the room and everyone would wait for me to speak.

“I am what you would call a mommy blogger,” I would finally grace the public with a nugget. After the applause died down. Even though there was hush that just fell upon the room. “Although I would prefer if you did not use the disparaging term mommy. I am not your mommy. I am a mother blogger.” There were many drafts of my speech, each inching towards the perfect balance of modesty and an acknowledgement that greatness walked among us and the greatness was I.

Until something happened to ruin it all.

Because on Saturday, I attended the Getting Gorgeous event in NYC. I walked around the room of gorgeousness-inducing sponsors and suddenly I saw her. Liz Lange. The real Liz Lange.

I made a beeline towards her.

“Well, hello,” I said. “I’m Marinka.”

I expected her to say “Who?” or perhaps to call for security.

But she didn’t. She knew exactly who I was and teased me a little of suspecting her of being a Twitter impostor.

Liz Lange is lovely. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that she destroyed my career as Twitter Girl Detective.

I hope that one day I can find it it my heart to forgive her.

One year ago ...

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Alexandra
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Aww… I wish this investigative reporting bit of brilliance hadn’t wrapped up so beautifully, in just one post.

I wanted this today to end with “to be continued”.

Reply

Scary Mommy
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Can you please have a weekly column on twitter & celebs? It’s just so good.

Reply

Nona
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Your instincts were good, even if this investigation turned up nothing. Try checking out @BronxZoosCobra. I think it’s highly suspicious that account isn’t verified.

Reply

GrandeMocha
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 6:34 pm

That would be scoop if @BronxZoosCobra wasn’t realy a snake. 🙂

Reply

Stasha
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Don’t despair. There is always more famous people to uncover! Some of us just use aliases to confuse you. Like claiming to be a mom in Pacific NW.

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Wendi
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 6:06 pm

So am I still a soon-to-be ex-friend now that you’ve met Liz? Please let me know ASAP so I can take off my 1/2 of our BFF heart necklaces.

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Stephanie Smirnov
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I read this bated breath because Liz Lange–if in fact that is her real name–is following me too and I was ready to be devastated she was a fake. P.S. I’m pretty sure you just called me hoi polloi.

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elenka April 3, 2011 at 6:23 pm

You keep on it, girl. There are impostors everywhere that need to be outed and brought to their just desserts. How do we even know that you are who you are?
hmmmmm, we’ll be watching….

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I would totally still hire you to be my Twitter detective.

Reply

christy April 3, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I think you should write about twitter and celebrities more often! You used to have celebrity sightings on here, didn’t you? Now it could be celebrity tweeters or something a bit more cunning.

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Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up)
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Hahaha,,,that’s so funny! I was certain you were going to end the story with the fact that you pissed her off and she dumped you. Glad I was wrong.

PS…I never heard of her

Reply

awesome dude April 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Paranoid here

Paranoid there

Paranoid ideation is everywhere……

Reply

Alison
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 8:20 pm

That was so funny. I love you Marinka 🙂

Reply

Denise April 3, 2011 at 8:33 pm

That’s awesome Marinka.

Reply

Melissa April 3, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Hilarious! i don’t find many women as funny as I am (jk), but you are good…and you’re going in my favorites now (because i don’t know what a reader is).

Reply

Gdot April 3, 2011 at 9:37 pm

So, you’re sorta like Columbo…..minus the cigar. Or so I’m assuming….

Reply

Fairly Odd Mother
Twitter:
April 3, 2011 at 11:34 pm

Hmmm. . .are you SURE the person at the party was the real Liz Lange? You should’ve gone all Scooby Doo on her and tried to pull off her mask. “I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for the meddling Marinka!”

Reply

The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
April 4, 2011 at 12:24 am

Does this mean you’re not going to be modeling the latest maternity fashions?

And Marinka, this is only one chink in your detective armor. Don’t let this stop you! I think you have a real career in unmasking the celebrities behind the unverified celebrity accounts.

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Sophie@Fabrications April 4, 2011 at 7:42 am

If you play the paranoid card far enough (thanks you, awesome dude!), you CAN be famous. Of a sort.

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From Belgium April 4, 2011 at 7:47 am

I agree with chalupa. Don’t be discouraged, for all we know the person tweeting as Charlie Sheen could be an imposter! I mean it must be, because I am pretty sure that good ol’Charles is usually to drunk or to busy with godess worship to grasp the concept of twitter.

Reply

Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.
Twitter:
April 4, 2011 at 10:29 am

What a surprising (yes, I’m also jaded) and happy ending!

Reply

Ann's Rants
Twitter:
April 4, 2011 at 10:33 am

Of COURSE she knew who Madonna–I mean Marinka–is.

Reply

Lady Jennie April 4, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I would never have imagined she was real!! You ARE rubbing elbows with the big people.

Reply

A Mommy in the City
Twitter:
April 4, 2011 at 2:22 pm

This is the funniest story! So great that you two were able to connect at Getting Gorgeous and that she recognized you! Amazing!

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Mama Kat April 4, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I’m sick. And this still made me laugh…I’ll create some kind of award for you to place in your sidebar that links back to my site…because that’s what kind of blog friend I am.

Also I have an extremely similar story that I wish had the same heart melting conclusion, but I’m still in detective mode. The celebrity in question? Jared Leto.

ONE OF THESE DAYS JARED!! ONE OF THESE DAYS!

Reply

holly April 4, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I actually met Liz Lange last year at Getting Gorgeous at Blog Her and was talking to her for a couple of minutes before she modestly stated who she was. She was one of my maternity clothes heroes just a few years prior and I was a little embarrassed for not knowing who she was.

Reply

DaDa Rocks!
Twitter:
April 5, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Its really hard to get a verified account these days – you totally need to know someone inside of Twitter. (trust me I’m working on it :P)

Reply

Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
April 6, 2011 at 7:28 am

I, too, had a Liz Lange Twitter exchange this past weekend. It was because of David Sedaris, who I don’t believe is on Twitter, but if he ever does get on, will probably still never deign to respond to me. She did seem absolutely lovely. She was a part of a Lili Pulitzer Twitter party last night that I gracefully avoided since my entry would probably collapse the entire party.

(Wendi lives in a bubble, doesn’t she?)

Reply

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